All Comments on 'Mike and Jessica Ch. 01'

Great start. I enjoyed reading this story & I'm glad to see you plan to continue it. Soon I hope.

Generally speaking it was better than most 1st stories here, but you really should look at getting an editor to look things over for you if you choose to submit more stories. Your use of punctuation such as the use of commas was one area you should look at, you used them quite a bit where they weren't needed.

I also almost stopped reading when you wrote about getting caught up on her clit while they played tag in the pool, which really is very unlikely unless she had a gigantic one. Again, a good editor would have caught this as well as the overly detailed descriptions you use which takes away from the story.

I thought it was well thought out, yes there are similar stories but you made it believeable, that is the key, I sometimes quickly scan stories that are not as well detailed to get to the (brother cumming inside his sister) part, but this story I took my time and enjoyed it as the start of a love story and sex. I'm really looking foward to the next one, hurry!

Wow ! damn good story and very well told . I'm soaked after reading it ; gotta go ........

That was a great story , loved it. Can't wait for next part.

that was one of the best stories i have read... it was hot and made you want to read on!..Hope you make more chapters and the ending better be good!

More please.

Your story stands out because of the realistic character development, attention to detail, and fluent, highly descriptive prose.

Enjoyed this story very much and hope you will dontinue writing on this or other forums.

Great story. It started off nice and slowly and built up in a realistic way, and the dialogue was very fluid as well. Yeah, one of the best stories I've read. I'll be looking to see if there are any more chapters to this, and if not I hope there will be soon.

Keep writing, you're good at it.

That was a fantastic story. Very well written. Maybe I'm a little too critical but poor use of grammar detracts from a story and can break the mood. Your story was perfect. Please write more!

Any story is a picture made of words. You wrote a very good picture.

You are incredible at describing scenes with words... that felt pretty damn real.

I like the characters and the dialogue and the sexy playfulness they share. How about a sequel or two?

way to many errors wrong words, extra words, missing words etc. also they went to the POOL yet near the end she says LAKE a GOOD EDITOR would have caught that so would you IF YOU HAD PROOFREAD PROPERLY. it needs another chapter but really needs all the errors fixed first.

Just caught this story in the Randoms, and wonder why you never did another. This was very nice despite the curious odds and ends - bear breast, ie. Loved the seductive groping.

if i had a sister like that that mad me shoot my load then she turns around to give me head. I'd be in heaven.

Really good story, you could use an editer or a good spell/grammer checker, but keep up the realy nice tale telling. You have a really good flow and story building talent. I am looking forward to more good sibling action.

Thank you, for this dynamic story, with more to come, I hope.

S.T.

Give Mike (he's 23, right?) some sexy hair on that masculine and muscular chest. He's old enough to enjoy his sister's gentle hands caressing a hairy-covered chest, and perhaps even to have her taste that hairy chest. So Sexy!

...you left this wide open for a follow-up story.

Maybe write more stories in third person?

Unfinished after more than 13 years... I guess I shouldn't waste time reading this after all.