All Comments on 'Mine...Yours Pt. 02'

...hooked and now are reeling me in your awesome world.

Looking forward where the journey will lead.

5*

Now need the fix!!!!!

Put next chapter on as fast as possible because I am addicted.

more!!!!!!!!

MORE \(^w^)/

Love reading your work... REALLY.

Love the story can't wait for more and love hpw you just left us hanging like that :) can't wait for the next installment

I am really diggin' this story so far. The character is interestingly complex yet simple and funny to boot! I love all the mystery to him as well the lack of insta-love and how devoted of ridiculous amounts of squishy-wishy, gooey-dewy, completely unrealistic love it is. Can't wait for the next chapter!

With a story like this it is hard to make it seem like you are not bridging the gaps between beginning and end. The stories in the middle tend to hang up a bit. One easy way to help glide past that is humor. Which you are using to an enjoyable degree. Good work.

Critique

A little more descriptive at this point starts to work. I liked the part about the fruit tree that brought depth. By this point you have time to expand. the characters are a known so you can set the scene a little thicker. Not too heavy, but it give a better feel when I can more easily picture where he is standing. and it doesn't have to be long paragraphs. Gentle reminders (what color is the truck he drives) and clue at this point work wonders to frame out the mental images in your readers minds.

MST

I had no idea what to expect, but this is both interesting and refreshing.

I LOVE your sense of humor and the way Greg sort of ignores the fourth wall and takes soliloquy to the next level.

On to chapter 3!

Oh god I damn near died as well when I read that. I thought I had a strange sense of humor but that trumps much of mine by a mile. I think I damn near choked on a lung I was laughing so hard.

I'm hoping that it's Gwen! Whatever happens it seems to be yet another perfect buildup. I'm so happy to be getting to know your good natured characters... Pt.03!!

What a finish!

Great stuff, onward to ch 3!

Jason

I loved the parts about Will cooking. You make an ancient blood sucking monster come off as adorable, and that takes some serious skill. I did NOT see this twist with Jemima coming and I kind of wished he'd accepted the kiss too. The banter between the two of them was really cute.

I'm SO GLAD I didn't start reading this until now, because I would have been far too impatient for Part 3! You sure know how to create a cliffhanger!

I just started reading this tale and can't stop. Excellent writing and unique story line, Screw the misspelled stuff if that is all they can bi-ch about, tough chit I LOVE it. I have probably read every "Top list" story on Lit and this is one of the best. Up there with The Last Triton and Surfacing. Unlike them I HOPE this is complete.

That there was some damn fine scribblins.

The anonymous author who commented about "scribblings..."

Did you happen to also use the word "dayum...?" In an earlier post on part 1?

If so, please look under my favorites for a story I coauthored with author MaxD01 called. "Silvery moon fanfic. Revenge of the Were bear Scrunchie!"

I found it delightful and fun. And was also able to stretch my mind linguistically.

Sincerely,

Payenbrant

I am so into this story! Your writing is exquisite and thought provoking.

Is that sooner or later we all know that it will have to end...

What a depressing thought...

Great tale.

Unexpected talent.

Thanks again.

If Jemima would be a little over 160 years old and died during the Civil War, she would be roughly 10 years old at her death. So she physically aged as a vampire? Interesting, never thought of that happening. Always thought they would remain the age that they were when they died.

Love the writing. Normally I only read the erotic stories "here" , so far I like the voice, plot and style of the fantasy.