All Comments on 'Mine...Yours Pt. 04'

Well written. Thanks for a quality story.

A good series.

There are some wrong words, most common is the use of your when you are is meant which is properly you're.

(Maybe it's time for me to start being an editor)

I grudgingly admit I dismissed this intriguing story when the first chapter came out only by reading the tid bit when new stories appear. But I am now kicking myself for putting off reading your story for so long. It is a brilliant twist on things supernatural. I couldn't put my ipad down had to read all four chapters in a row. Can't wait for next one.

It's so different and well written - I can't wait for more. I can't blame most people - there are only so many stories that can be written. But sometimes someone with real imagination comes up with something different, and that is to be treasured. This is one of them, I think.

Greg and Lucretia forever!!!!

Like Werewolfenthusiast, I also skipped this story at first. I also just finished reading the four chapters and totally love this story. It's well written (the few grammer mistakes I'm able to slide over), shows imagination and creativity.

You are doing an amazing job and I can't wait to read the rest of the tale.

Well written gem of a story the characters are awesome. Greg reminds me of Galen from going feet first with the magical aspect not be comparing, just vibe I feel for the

Characters keep doing a great job can' t wait for more strange chapters.

I saw this chapter has 4 pages. I was finally getting back into this outstanding story, and there was really only three pages! You heartless SOB! You're such a tease! ;-)

Story is too good. This is the first story that I have actively followed and looked for newer chapters. By that I mean checking everyday and then crying when I don't see any new chapters.

Anyways, enough jokes, you do post material a lot faster than other writers I have seen and this is a such an interesting story. The humor, inner monologue, and dialogue are out of this world.

Bravo!

I still think it's weird this site won't let you post that cookie recipe. I know I'm being harsh but if you allow poems to be posted, you should allow recipes to be posted. They're basically the same thing where one is more specific than the other.

YES IT CAN!!! GIVE US MORE!!! PLEASE!!!!! :-)

I love this story. cant wait to find out WHAT Greg is.... Keep it coming..

I feel like the other readers and I are like monkeys stuck in one cage. We are all raging in the cage because we want more!

I love your story please keep the story going and feed your rabid fans, which includes me.....

As to whether I like this one or really like this one.

There is a big difference between those two points. This story was focused almost entirely on the two of them which was nice... in a way. It excluded a lot of work you had done character building to that point with people other than Greg.

But then this is a bridging chapter. It was very enjoyable, I'm just a little mixed. I saw the ending coming, Which I hadn't so far in the other chapters. This may be as much me as your story telling.

Critique

Emphasizing innocence in a character when they are completely new to a world is of course impossible to totally avoid. In the future try to walk that tight rope a little finer if possible or you will squelk you reader. This is an erotica writing thing for the most part. There is so much underage-ed stuff out there that the innocence of your character could easily be mistaken for attempts to make the character 'childlike" which in erotica is good to avoid.

Over all the writing has improved as you have relaxed into the story and just let it flow. Good work

MST

I think you fiddled with your story will you had the fourth page with only "to be continued on" you evil man. I almost bit my laptop in frustration.

I have enjoyed reading this chapter and look forward to the rest of the story. Thank you for sharing.

Best frikin story ever. Can't wait to read the rest.

intense feeling even after i've reread the story a few times. awesome writing!

This is my first time at reading your story and I have to admit, it has been very enjoyable so far. I thought it started out a little slow, but, I understand that you were building your character base for the story. I don't often leave comments on a story, but, I just had to this once. Yes, you have some minor grammar & spelling glitches, but even with them, I am liking this story very much. Kudos to you Payenbrant.

Bright Blessings to You & Yours...

Your story makes me happy.

I'm scared at how invested I am in Lucretia and Greg.

If she turns out to be playing him it will be all of the suck.

Jason

I am really enjoying this story. So well written and thought out. And it is full of that very special magic that draws the reader not only into the story but into the characters lives as well.

There are a lot of kindle books out there from Literotica authors. several of them have been actually fairly successful. I feel your writing style could make you one of them. I am just a fan of reading though, but that's my .02 on it. Publish, make back a buck or two. Its a darn good story and it would be a good book or even start of a series.

Don't make Greg seem to be always correct. He follows what he feels to be correct and gets angry when the situation isnt correct according to him, that also identifies bully-like attributes.

Otherwise, you have amazing writing skills and have a really good story.

Consider publishing a book. I would definitely buy it!

Excellent

This is my second time around reading this, my first was as an anon, but there’s a charm in this story I can’t put my finger on, Lucretia is so well written as a character and tbh a perfect foil to Greg’s damaged personality, she, for me is the star of this story in so many ways, at times fierce, other times almost an ingénue, pure spun gold. Many thanks Payenbrant, for writing, posting and leaving this here for our continued enjoyment. Regards Ppfzz.