All Comments on 'Mine...Yours Pt. 15'

Very happy you finished this last chapter as I remember loving to read this story a couple of years ago.

Just a slight constructive criticism being that you introduced Tyson of who Greg has no idea who he is and explained that he is covering for Greg’s job and that Greg let him live, twice. And at both times Greg had no idea who Tyson was.

Thanks for this, enjoyed the whole series and this finish was an ending that was just right.

I did purchase the book and enjoyed reading it again. You should post the details of purchasing again. New people may want to help support you:) you know we should find out how he uses his wish....

Well done Payen, well done!

Bearslady

It was a great ending to to a very interesting series. Thank you and Happy New Year.

Its taken a long time, but well worth the wait, thank you!

I like all your stuff. Please continue. I look every day to see if there are more.

Jemima’s whitewashed, revisionist history of the causes of the Civil War and American Slavery is the most vulgar and offensive thing in this book. I’m lucky it came in the last chapter, and not the first, because I doubt I could have stomached reading another chapter after that. OMG! Why was that even there? It’s like you set out this sumptuous buffet of many happy, warm delights, and then you had one character just take a big steamy dump in the middle of all of it! Why? I honestly don’t get it.

That said, I liked a lot of this book. It was mostly sweet, romantic, escapist fantasy.

You need to learn the difference between “to” and “too,” and double check that error in usage in upcoming books. It’s a common error for many writers (one that I often make), but shocking to see in something that has been commercially published.

I would have been satisfied with the way it ended after part 13. Part 14 was an interesting bonus. I can't see the need, or the point, for part 15.

I also agree that Jemima had a distorted and reconstructed view of the War to Suppress the Rebellion. Granting 3/5 votes for slaves was granted by the 1789 constitution. It was a compromise in that 3/5 of slaves were also subject to tax, while all free people were subject to tax. Congress banned importation of slaves to the USA starting in 1808, so Jemima could only have been captured in Africa and sold in the USA if she was smuggled into the USA. Jemima's mistress may have treated her with respect, but it was not the Confederacy which granted her freedom. It was the Union. Jemima does raise the valid point that it was her people who put her into slavery, but some were born into slavery and many of the slaves living in the USA in 1861 were born into slavery.

Good luck finding satisfactory employment or other productive means for paying the rent.

I cant believe what i just read. It is your story and all and the previous parts were enjoyable enough but the civil war part ruined it for me. The ignorance and white-washing is appalling.

Love your stories, but this explanation of slavery in American is appalling!

i'll keep this simple , thank you so much for this story it has helped me in some very surprising way's to help me deal with my own issues. i am really hoping you can continue to post your stories here . wishing you the very best of life.

Thank you for the conclusion. I remember picking up your story at part 1. I remember reading a comment warning you against writing a child-like older character, as people would take it as a way around the age limit on this site. It's odd that people seem to expect aliens and other non-humans to fully understand our world and culture. But I digress.

I enjoyed William's side story. I absolutely loved how he was ready to reign his wrath down on everybody and everything to protect Greg. It makes him the most endearing side character. I had hoped for a few more chapters following him.

Your writing style improved a lot since part 1. There were a lot of little grammatical errors that irked me, but I enjoyed the characters and story so much, that it didn't matter. Greg was such a likable character, that despite all his issues, he remained a good person.

I think of myself as being pretty good with history topics. I don't believe Jemima could have been considered an indentured servant. She was captured, sold against her will, and forcefully required to work. That's pretty much the definition of slavery. Indentured Servants willingly traded a certain # of years of work for passage to the New World. I'm fairly certain that they all came from Europe. I'm not some snowflake SJW, but I do think this section on Jemima's backstory needs to be fixed/updated a bit.

I hope to read more of your work, and wish you the best.

So...Jemima. Got a ton of Emails and a few comments so thought I might clarify things a little here.

This story is fictional. Completely through and through. The only true things in it are several real locations and the emotions it brings out in the readers.

Which actually makes me a little happy getting such criticism from all of you. You care for Jemima so much it angers you she said what she did, good! =-)

Now, explanation. There was no Internet or broadcasting news network back in her day. She was young when she was captured and sold into slavery and thrust into a new life with strange people and crazy different beliefs to what she was used to. Everyone has a different view on issues. It may be right or wrong but in the end...it's THEIR viewpoint. They lived it an experienced it.

Maybe you noticed it or maybe you all have not, but every single one of my characters has major flaws, defects, imbalances of one sort or the other.

Jemima, for all of her age and power, has scars just like anyone else. Remember in the beginning? Her first interaction with Greg? How defensive she was? Think on each time she has been in the story? What do you think her damage is, how will she be growing?

I have written some dark themes in this tale, I am surprised that THIS is what I have received the most flak for! Lol

Again, this is fiction. Remember that as you read.

I am compiling all comments and emails and will be writing a Q&A essay to answer to the best of my abilities everyone who wrote to me.

Also I will be giving a small preview of the second and final book of this series

"Mine...Yours. Ours"

With Love,

Payen Brant

This was a great story - THOROUGHLY enjoyed it.

Didn't mind the civil war part at the end. Whatever.

But, just so you know - the 3/5 compromise: slaves were NOT able to vote. The 3/5 compromise was that for purposes of figuring out a state's population, a slave counted as 3/5 of a person. (That mattered for figuring out representative government - slave states wanted credit for their slaves in deciding how many congressmen they had, but they never had any intention of allowing slaves to vote.).

Payenbrant,

Bought the book on Amazon. Guess I didn't realize it wasn't finished here. I REALLY hope you continue writing. I have read this book 3 times so far, and when I am feeling down, start re-reading it.

I would love to see more from you (in either/any place).

Thanks again for writing this wonderful tale.

Didn't Greg and Lucy go over next door to check up on the gatewatch as to why they didn't turn up for the showdown with Lucy's former Master 'Bal-something'?

Also wasn't Greg gonna ask Lucy about his 'Wish'? Why is Hildy telling Greg about Tyson and his job twice?

P.S. - I am not entirely sure how this chapter serves as an ending to the story.

I'd love to read more, especially more about William and... (the rat who's name escapes me now for some odd reason >.<) I've read this story a few times and i was glad to see this chapter appear to round things out but yeah, you have left a lot of questions unanswered that could easily spin off into sequels should you choose to do so.

What a truly glorious book, flawed characters, beauty, fear, and at the end love. Looking forward to the next emotional experience !

I've been waiting forever for this. The moment I saw it was done. I had to binge read it all again and it still pulls at my heart strings. Your work should be almost required reading to understand hard fought love. And how important it is to fight for it. I thank you for the privilege to read this.

When you said you were not going to post the final chapter, I had to buy the book. I am glad I did. I never felt mad about you withholding this chapter. I never thought it was a jerky thing to do, it was totally within your prerogative particularly given your situation. It wasn't like you had intended to write a teaser and then capitalize on it. I hope you have earned money for your wonderful work, and continue to earn more. It was nice to see this final chapter posted, and I hope it signals good things happening in your life.

I worry that your book is not getting the reception it deserves due to the numerous typos. Is there any way your fans could help you fix it up? I would happily donate many hours to the effort.

Rich C

oic! the pool of energy, lucretia has been accumulating, will become ours :)

Complete. Thank you. I had been checking back periodically for this to happen, I had no idea it was this close to complete. I will say this, You are a good writer and made an excellent tale mixing several different themes. Well Done Sir. Now, I did not know this was a published work, I assume kindle, I WILL buy it.

Wait a minute, what about the wish thing?

Kind of like an unexpected series finale on TV...

Felt like there was some unneeded padding and like maybe your heart wasn't in it...

I suppose if you wrote it mostly because someone "suggested" you should you might not have been in the right mindset to do it justice...

Not that it sucked... it was just kind of "eh..."

Loved the rest of the chapters though...

Thank you for persevering through work and life to share this story. I'm fortunate that I didn't have to wait for any of the parts to come out, having only found your story series recently. A good story teller makes you become attached to the characters they write about, and I'm definitely that. I hope to find the review and essay to see if it answers some questions I still have....sincerely, me

You have written a set of characters who I like feel for, and feel an investment in. Very good work. I could have liked a much longer ending chapter, though. Several threads were left without clear conclusions.

If there is a published essay, or version of this story, I would really like to know where and how to acquire them.

So many great stories on here get abandoned at crucial points. Some by death of the authors, some by the interference of life, some just abandoned as a very creative bipolar author does their common interest shift. I really appreciate your dedication to finishing this story. Though you could easily do much more with it. There are a few continuity issues in the last few chapters, or possible just awkwardly done shifts?

I hope you continue writing.

OeldeWolf

at gmail

Such a wonderful story. Tightly written characters and a (mostly) focused storyline. It did tend to get a bit scattered in the later chapters. You actually could have let William and Nancy’s tale stand alone. I wonder if you have other stories planned for them. (I hope so.)

Things I enjoyed the most: The writing style in the first half. You wrote Greg how I imagine most of us think inside of our heads. Kinda ADD line where you’ll be working on a train of thought and ....squirrl. Greg’s DOOR and the revaluation he locked his Survival aspect in instead of locking his other aspects out. The revelation that the wrapped aspect was Greg’s Heart aspect. I also greatly enjoyed Lucretia’s journey into feelings. She and Greg were taking the same journey together.

Things I didn’t like: Greg’s father, being a Paladin, hiding the family history from Greg. Lucretia (or Hilde for that matter) not telling Greg of his fathers gifts / powers. And finally, everyone who witnessed Greg’s gifts (Sight, Telekenisis) making no mention of how unusual it was for Greg to have those talents if he was supposed to be “normal”.

On the whole it was a solid tale. I’d place it in the top 10 I’ve read on Lit for originality and style. You have a gift sir. Please keep writing.

The various comments I've read in addition to your own bio, convinced me to purchase your ebook. I haven't read it in detail so there may be some additional content, but as for an ending, it's identical to the disappointing tease you've posted here. What happens with the wish? A second book? I don't mind donating six bucks, but I wish I'd known that's what I was doing when bought a book I'd already read free.

Stuff like this makes me really consider Kindle unlimited.

as for myself would love to see more of this story unfold.

I enjoy your stories and characters. The characters come to life and I am quickly drawn into the fantasy. I like Lucretia in her human form the best. Still wondering about the roads not travelled with the neighbors. All in all very enjoyable.

Thank You

TCH

What happened to his sister you talked about her once when he had a flash back than nothing.

Wonderful ....sad it’s finished :-(

Bummed it's finished! Your characters are now in my mind. I really enjoyed your balance of psychology, justice, and the value of decorum.

Please keep writing!

What about the wish?

Solid story that was really good until you added a bit of revisionist slave narrative BS... Chattel slavery and the horrendous conditions of the enslaved in 18th and 19th century America were just evil...the line about her African country enslaving her and America freeing her via the Civil War is simply wrong and insensitive.

Outstanding series. Thank you

I'm just perplexed, you have a fantastic story, well written, fantastic arcs, the out of nowhere comes this insane inaccurate drivel about civil war and slavery. And bull on putting that onto your character as part of her flaws persay. Just own up to having at best a poor understanding of history, slavery, and how a former slave might feel. Its inclusion added nothing to your story, was unnecessary, and gross. William being unsure of nomenclature, that's understandable, Jemima was a mistake.. The last few chapters were slightly confusing and I feel like a few threads were dropped. Over all I really loved this wish you had not taken a strange and ignorant turn in the end.

I enjoyed the overall series a lot. But this last chapter definitely dropped the ball. The weird (and frankly offensive) speech by Jemima came out of nowhere and felt like obvious padding. But you left out the more appropriate ending of the wish. Just very strange choices.

I guess I should respond to the last few comments....

Why would a Jewish Bisexual woman tell things not historically accurate? What reason would she have for it? All of my characters have damage of some sort and act in ways that are not proper to some extent or other. My main character is so flawed I am surprised he turned into a "Good Guy" in any way shape or form. Lol

Now as for revisionist history, what section is this story under? It is in fiction...Nonhuman to be precise. It is a story that is not fact. Not even a hint of fact. I thought this was obvious. So for people to have a problem with that, I have to ask you, "How out of touch with reality are you to believe that anything in this fictional story is truth?"

Either way....feel free to email me with your complaints. Try not to spoil this fictional tale of broken people trying make their way in this world. Is that fair?

Sincerely,

Payen Brant

AH HA!!! You are still checking the site. PLEASE FINISH THE STORY. 🙏 What happened with the wish? I just binged this whole thing in a little over 24 hrs so I’m jonesing a little right now for some closure. Maybe he could wish for a son? A little incubus baby Brooks to carry on the family tradition? I’m dying here PB, help a fellow out.

Thank you. I've been bouncing around looking for a good read here for a bit and you were suggested on a forum. You definitely did not disappoint!

Firstly I’d like to say what a cracking story this was, a story of redemption and repair, with a whole bunch of other wonderful fantasy/magical tropes thrown in for good measure, but at the heart of this story (and I suspect the biggest reason for its success), is that the written characters are so good! They become real to the reader and we empathise, love and root for them during their trials and tribulations, then we cheer for them when they triumph at the end.

The story isn’t without minor faults, Woolrim and AW Dickson are very thinly written as the bad guys, plus if Leonard Dickson had so much magical power at his disposal I’m not sure that the old Gatewatch would have disposed with him so easily. We are also left with the possible involvement of Suzanne in the Woolrim incident, William’s comment about her probably knowing of their location on her territory due to use of magic etc, leaves that door open. But these are all details, not broad sweeps of the pen (or word processor), it is telling that I’ve marked every single chapter of this tale as a 5⭐️….

Many thanks for both writing and posting this on Lit @PayenBrant, I’ve enjoyed it immensely, best wishes, Ppfzz.

This is probably the sixth time reading this story and it always satisfies. Well written, love that thing you do with the perspectives of individuals in the story. Brilliant work.

Can't believe I've only just found this story. If you write any more I'll definitely read them.

Dear author, why do I keep envisioning Peter O'Toole when I read about William? :)

Thank you again!

Oh dear, i just found this awesome tale 😍😍😍thank @ payenbrant

You are such a good writer that I loved reading the last three chapters but in my head the story ended with chapter 12