Minna

'That just sounds terrifying.'

'You learn to cry in private. You just package all the emotions away until you're alone.'

I nodded, even though I knew I wouldn't have been able to do that. I would have burst into tears, or yelled or screamed or told the boss I was quitting, effective immediately.

'Here, they're the opposite,' she said with a lop-sided smile. 'I've been here three months and the blokes still try and do everything for me. Of course, that means I try and do everything by myself, even when I should probably ask for help. Last week Matt asked me if I wanted him to pick up a machinery parts delivery from the local store and I said 'no, no, I'll do it'. He told me it was heavy, which is what he says about anything over ten kilos.

I get to the dealership, pick up this parcel, and nearly die.' She laughed. 'It weighed well over thirty kilos and it was awkward to carry, which didn't help. Got back here and asked the guys to help carry it into the shed.'

I smiled at the mental image.

'I'm going to have a shower,' she said. 'You're welcome to join me, or you're welcome to just make yourself at home.'

'Would you mind if I joined you?'

'No, no, of course not.'

We went to the shower, which was in a bathroom addition that had been tacked onto the back of the cottage, and she ran the water.

We both stripped off. Her body was firm and lean and youthful in comparison to mine. She had vivid tan lines, a trimmed bush of dark pubic hair, and small, soft breasts with large purple nipples. I was shorter but softer, and my breasts seemed huge in comparison to hers. My lower stomach and thighs still bore the faint, silvery remains of stretchmarks, and my pubic hair was entirely shaved off.

Leah washed herself unselfconsciously, scrubbing the sweat and grime of a day's work from every nook and cranny. I was more self conscious, and perhaps that's why after washing herself, she stepped out and told me the shower was all mine.

'I didn't really need a shower,' I told her. 'I had one just before I caught up with you at the pub.'

Leah was towelling her short hair dry. She stopped and handed me a towel, which I took, and we both dried ourselves off. She didn't comment, didn't question me, didn't expect or request anything of me that I wasn't prepared to give. It was so very, very different to being around a man.

'What's it like, being with another woman?' I asked.

Leah chuckled under her breath. 'It ranges from perfectly natural to a perfect fucking storm of female hormones.'

'Have you ever been with a bisexual woman?'

'Several.'

'Did any of them cheat on you?' I asked.

'Only one out of the three. She cheated on me with a man. How's that for a fucking stereotype? Just like your bloody husband.' She led me through the house, and into her bedroom. 'Mind you, the others managed to keep their knickers on when I wasn't around so they can't all be bad, can they?'

'Did it upset you when she slept with a man?'

'It decimated every fucking ounce of self worth I had.'

'That's how I felt,' I replied excited to have found someone who understood. 'I think back to all those nights where he was 'working late' or 'on a business trip' and I was driving kids here, there and everywhere, visiting his family, cleaning the house, doing the shopping, ironing his fucking shirts... I just feel like a bloody maidservant. I was trying to keep everything together, while he was out sucking some stranger's dick.

Arguing with him is fucking useless, and as for getting details out of him, forget that. Apparently it's none of my business. But how could it not be my business, if I was working to keep us together, while he was letting me shoulder the burden on the home front so he could have a good time?'

'Minna, you're preaching to the converted,' Leah said. 'I couldn't do even dream of forgiving my ex. Even when she promised not to do it again, I couldn't wipe the images from my mind. I might be some sad fucking relic, but I like monogamy.'

'Me too! But in the last two weeks, I've pushed boundaries. I've done things that were really inappropriate.'

'Yeah, but it was Jon who decided, without telling you, that you were in an open relationship. If he thinks he has the right to sleep with strangers on whatever terms he sees fit, then he has to expect you'll do the same.'

'Half of it wasn't that I wanted to sleep with a stranger,' I confessed. 'I just wanted to know if anyone out there still found me attractive.'

Leah grinned and winked. 'You are.'

'Says the woman with the amazing body,' I huffed.

Leah laughed. 'Minna, just give me the word and I'll show you just how attractive I find you.'

Her statement embarrassed me, and I blushed bright red and pulled on my clothes. Leah kept glancing at me, checking to see if she'd caused me offence, but she hadn't. Her presence was the complete antithesis to that of the sales representative in Newcastle. I loved being around her.

We made dinner together, washed up together, and watched television together. Shortly after eight o'clock, we went to bed.

There was only one bed in her home, and as I laid down beside her, I thought about how easy and relaxed this all was. It might sound like I keep repeating that point, but that's because it's exactly how I felt.

I don't rightly know how it started, but once in bed, we began to kiss. I've never really enjoyed kissing; it just felt brutal and wet and bristly, but Leah's kisses were different. Softer, gentler, more tender. I could've kissed her for an eternity. I felt her hands underneath my shirt, but she didn't rush to grab my breasts or pull my pants off. Everything was done very slowly and carefully.

As we kissed, she undressed me and I undressed her. Her body felt so small and soft, but she was strong, very strong by female standards, and she had muscles in places I could only dream of. I had a hand in between her thighs and I could feel the heat emanating from her cunt.

Leah held my wrist and guided my hand upwards. Together we parted her pubic hair and labia, revealing her hot, wet, vulva. She was wet, far more aroused than I was, which probably made sense given her primary attraction was to women. I felt something almost maternal towards her as I slid my fingers over her cunt, lubricating them, before gently rubbing her clit.

Leah wasn't shy about giving instructions, and I wasn't silly enough to ignore them. She began to twist and squirm and kick her legs out irritably as her climax neared. It took quite some time and effort to bring her to her conclusion, but when she did, I was rewarded with the exquisite sight of her bucking and thrashing around, her mouth pressed against mine as she let out a series of muffled obscenities.

I pulled her into a hug and kissed the top of her head. Leah gave a nervous laugh and asked if she could have a turn at getting me to cum.

'Please,' I whispered.

I wanted it, I wanted it so badly and I was glad she'd asked, so I didn't have to. It had taken me longer to warm up than her, but I was now ready for anything.

Leah reached into her bedside drawer and retrieved something. I wasn't quite sure what it was and nor did I ask. She was a dyke; she had the higher skill level in this area, and sure enough, she soon showed she knew what she was doing.

Before I knew what was happening I had a vibrating egg up my cunt, and her tongue on my clit. It didn't take me long to climax, and I came with a scream that pierced the quiet country night. It was a primal, innate sound, an expression of female carnality and satisfaction.

Afterwards, we just cuddled, and I stroked her hair until she fell asleep in my arms.

I've never been good at sleeping while touching someone, so I wriggled out of her grip, rolled over, and went to sleep, feeling completely relaxed in both body and soul.

~~~~~~~~~~

I didn't spend a single night at the motel. I went around the next morning and collected my belongings, and they refunded me my second night's accommodation. The man that was at reception gave me a cheeky grin when he said 'found somewhere better, have you?' and I flushed bright red and made up a ludicrous story that he didn't believe for a second. Someone had obviously told him who I'd gone home with.

Leah's house was a few kilometres away from the main area of the farm. I spent that day – a Thursday – cleaning and doing some washing for her, and when she got home, she hugged me and thanked me in a way that Jon never would have thought to do.

Her property was bordered by paddocks that were filled with white, fluffy sheep. We drank iced tea, crunching the ice cubes, and watched the sheep graze.

'I love the sheep,' I admitted.

'Me too. Lambing season is the best. You should come back in August or September, and have a look.'

'Would you mind?'

'No, no, not at all.'

'What if you find a girlfriend by then?' I asked curiously.

Leah laughed. 'You know nothing about dykes, do you?' she asked, not unkindly. 'We're a small and intimate bunch. If I have a girlfriend, then chances are she's an ex of a friend, and there's already plenty of weirdness that we're all ignoring.'

I told her I'd love to come back later in the year, and we exchanged phone numbers and became Facebook friends.

We made dinner together again, washed up, and packed away, before sitting alongside each other on the couch. Leah caught up on some paperwork for the farm while I read a book. It was so tranquil and easy, and I could understand why an all-female relationship would appeal.

'Leave before the shit hits the fan if that's how you feel,' Leah said, when I voiced that opinion. 'There's always a rainy day coming, always a fucking cyclone or something.'

'I quite like my idealistic innocence,' I argued with a smile.

She leant over and kissed me. 'I'm glad you came out here,' she said quite seriously.

'Me too. The only question is now; what do I do when I get back?'

'I can't answer that for you.'

'I know. I don't think even I can answer that yet.'

'Maybe you'll know when you get back home,' she suggested. 'Whatever happens, if you want a shoulder to cry on, call me. I know how it feels to have a bisexual slut cheat on you.'

I laughed and told her I would.

We went to bed and made love for the final time. This time, instead of fingering her, I went down on her. After she'd cum, I rolled my tongue around my mouth, committing the taste of her to memory. I knew I wouldn't be rushing out to have sex with a woman again. Leah was simply the right woman in the right place at the right time. All the same, our tryst wasn't something I wanted to forget. It had healed me in ways I couldn't rightly describe.

~~~~~~~~~

I called Jon the next morning to tell him I'd be coming home. It had been two weeks since I'd seen him, and over a week since our brief, tense, exchange after Aaron had called me to complain about my absence.

'Can you come home after lunch?' Jon asked, sounding stressed.

'Um, sure,' I replied. Leah had gone to work and had told me to stay as long as I needed. 'How about I leave here at twelve?'

'Where are you?' he asked.

'Near Oakey.'

'Near Oakey?' he repeated. 'Fuck. I checked your online credit card statement and saw you'd made a booking for two nights' accommodation somewhere out there, but I checked yesterday and one of the nights' accommodation had been refunded. I was wondering where you were, and if you were safe.'

That wasn't all he was wondering. I could tell from the tone of his voice that he wanted to know if I'd spent the night with a man.

'Min?' he prodded.

I ignored the question he was trying to ask.

'I'll leave just after lunch,' I said. 'I love you.'

He laughed nervously. 'I love you, too. Fuck, I was so scared you wouldn't come back. It's so good to hear your voice, and I can't wait to hold you again.'

We both hung up. My legs felt weak. Did I still love him? Yes, yes, I fucking well did, and hearing his voice, and realising that he wanted to see me, broke down the wall I'd constructed during my time away, the barrier I'd put up just in case my return was greeted with the request for a divorce.

The day seemed to drag on. I left Leah's house a little before twelve, having left her a note thanking her for her hospitality. I stopped in Gatton for petrol and lunch, and it was after lunch that I started to get truly nervous. I had no idea what awaited me. Would Jon and the children resent me? And how would I slip back into the role of housekeeper, after two weeks of being entirely independent and beholden to no one?

The remaining ninety minutes of driving was awful. I was scared shitless, but also desperately eager to see my husband and children again.

Jon called me when I was less than five minutes away.

'You can come home now,' he said cheerfully.

'Can I, huh?' I replied, forcing myself to be bright and happy. 'That's good, because I'm on Beaudesert Road.'

'See you soon,' he said. 'Love you.'

The five minute journey became a quarter of an hour one when the two cars travelling in front of me collided, causing an immediate embankment of traffic. By the time I finally pulled into our driveway, I was shaking with nerves, both from the accident and a fear of what I was about to face.

Jon met me at my car.

God.

Fuck.

Hell.

How do you describe a reunion like ours? The moment I laid eyes on him I knew that no matter what happened, I'd do everything I could to hold onto our marriage. A lot of people waffle on about marriage being based on trust, and fuck, I'm happy if that works for them, but for me, marriage is not based on trust but on a willingness to forgive the unforgiveable in exchange for enjoying the company and support of someone you love more than life itself.

'Min, Min, Min, I love you,' he whispered, picking me up and twirling me around. 'I was so scared you wouldn't come home.'

I grabbed his face and kissed him. 'I love you, too. I'm so glad to be back.'

We squeezed and hugged and kissed each other until we couldn't physically stand it anymore. He told me neither Sadie nor Aaron were at home – Sadie was at a job interview, of all things, and Aaron was at school – so for the next hour, it was just the two of us.

When we reached the door, he held his hands over my eyes.

'I have a surprise,' he whispered. 'I hope you like it.'

He led me inside and showed me our new kitchen. He'd pulled in every favour he had and then some to get it designed, installed and finished within a two week time frame.

We'd needed a new kitchen for years. It had just seemed an incredibly expensive and daunting task, so we'd just kept putting it off, coming up with a new excuse each year even though two of the cupboard doors always fell off no matter what we did, and the oven knob had fallen off and we had to use a pair of pliers to turn it on and adjust the heat.

Was it the kitchen I'd have chosen? Not exactly, but it was close enough and it was the thought that had counted.

'You must've been busy,' I whispered.

'I was, but it was worth it for you. I love you, Min. I didn't realise how much you did until you went away. I just thought the kids were old enough to look after themselves... then I had to do the washing, and shopping, and iron my own uniforms...' he laughed, embarrassed. 'I tried to clean the house for you.'

He may have tried to clean, but he'd failed terribly. I was so glad he'd tried that I told myself to fix up the odds and ends he'd missed when he was out of the house, so he didn't have the chance to see where he'd fallen short.

As he led me upstairs, I saw it wasn't simply the kitchen that he'd worked on. Our bed was made up with a brand new quilt and pillows, and quite frankly, his choices were incredible. He'd done a wonderful job.

'I remember when you were looking at buying pillows,' he muttered gruffly. 'I'm sorry.'

I wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged him.

'You've done an amazing job,' I told him.

'There was the kitchen, the bedding, getting the house cleaned, I've done the shopping, Sadie needed to be driven just about everywhere, and as for Aaron...'

I listened patiently while he prattled off all the things he'd done, all too aware of the stress and frustration of spending ours upon hours achieving absolutely no physical result. All of the mundane shit that had gone into keeping the household running had fallen to him, and he'd done it all while renovating a kitchen. I was so proud of him I could burst.

When he'd finished speaking, he gave me a rueful smile.

'I kept checking up on you,' he said. 'I kept logging into our bank account to see what you'd been up to, and where you were. I was worried.'

Yes, worried. Worried and jealous, two emotions that I knew well. And he'd been doing what I'd been doing over the past five months; compulsively checking credit card statements to try and learn where he was, and what he was doing, because I no longer believed him when he told me he was stuck in a meeting or entertaining clients. I knew those excuses were often merely covers, lies told to hide the fact that he was with a man.

'I was fine,' I replied. 'You should see what's in the back of my car. I have a set of bull's balls from Rockie. A bartender gave them to me.'

'Why'd he do that?'

'She,' I corrected. 'She said she got them from an ex-boyfriend, and was busy binning all his shit. Bad break-up, apparently. She asked if I wanted them.'

'That's pretty cool,' Jon agreed.

'Yeah, she took me around town to take photos of all the bulls when she finished her shift,' I said, wondering why I was lying and why it was coming so easy to me. 'We really should have gone there on our 'big things' holiday, but given we didn't, I thought I'd take photos to add to our collection.'

'I didn't even think about the bulls at Rocky.'

I sat down on the edge of the bed. 'When I spoke to you earlier, you seemed a bit worried about where I was last night. I just want to put your mind at rest. I stayed with a woman who was the 2IC on a farm. We met at a pub and she offered to show me a working farm. I'd never seen one before, so I took up her offer. It was just nice to have some friendly, female company after so long on my own.'

'Was she a dyke?'

I mustered up everything ounce of acting skills I had.

'Why would you say that?' I asked innocently.

A quick, private smile flashed across Jon's face. He somehow knew that Leah was a lesbian, but he also believed I was innocent to this fact. Same-sex relations were his speciality after all, not mine.

'Never mind,' he said, sitting alongside me on the bed.

He wanted sex. He wanted to complete that final act that would prove that we were once again back to normal. His version of normal, anyway, the one where I took care of house and home while he continued to screw around on the side. Oh, that sounds bitter, doesn't it? But it wasn't with bitterness that I acknowledged that reality, it was just the hard won practicality of a woman who knew she'd never have her husband to herself.

'I thought I'd go to Victoria while I was away, but I never ended up making it there. We should go there for a week or so, just you and I. I'll ask Mum to keep an eye on Aaron and Sadie,' I offered.

'Sounds great,' he muttered, holding my face in his hands. 'Speaking of the kids, they'll be home in forty minutes.'

'Better make the best use of that time then, huh?' I gently teased.

We had a Friday afternoon fuck under the brand new bedding. Neither Jon nor I came with the speed of someone who's been sexually deprived. Somehow, amongst the renovations and housekeeping, he'd managed to fit in an interlude with his latest man.