All Comments on 'Miranda's Decision'

by lesbian_luvr

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4 Comments

CliterateDyke about 7 years ago

I'm sorry to be so negative but your story is totally unreafable. The writing is erratic, jumps all over the place & frankly, you don't yet have the skills to tell an engrossing story. I've checked your page & you've got tons of submissions, all in the Lesbian Sex category but they're all rated in the low to mid 3's.

You're a straight white man writing about a type of sexual expression without the ability to emote or empathize. Write about what you know, dude, because it's obvious you know nothing abiut what it means for two women to actually love each other.

Jezalane about 7 years ago

Keep trying

Don,t get me wrong, this story needs a lot of work but you've done the hardest thing, written something and put it forth for all and sundry to review. People become better writers by writing, by critically reviewing their work and by paying attention to comments by those who have read your work. Hard as it is, ignore the hate but not the critiques.

I'll give two suggestions to work on. Much of your narrative seems removed from the characters so it creates distance rather than engaging. Perhaps you could try writing in the 1st person as that immediately puts the reader in your protagonists shoes.

Secondly this is erotic fiction and you should put more attention to the erotic part. You sum up their love making in a paragraph. Give details, sight, sound, smell, taste and texture go a long way to adding exciteme. If you're describing an act you've only fantasized about, that's fine. Read someone else's works on the subject, project yourself into the roll of a participant and imagine what it would be like.

Keep writing