All Comments on 'Mom with a Pierced Nose Ch. 01'

Does the writer have any clue what the site is about???

I completely agree with Moonstardtk, plus your writing is really bad. Is English your second language? That's a legit question. If so, that explains a lot. An editor would go a long way in helping you. Find one and then try again.

18 away from home 4 years and in college. probably a prodigy of some type. Author needs to do a flash back and fill in some of the details. Some families just do not communicate. I am a member of one. Great start with multiple possibilities. I think he should discover the nose ring is not the piercings she needs worked on.

Just plain dumb. Don't need any more chapters.

this is not even one full lit page long. You need an editor in the worst way.

It's a start. It does need refined a bit, add some detail and some tension between the two. And let us know about the 4 year absence.

That hurt both of our heads as we tried in vain to read what you wrote but all we could do was correct your grammar and try to make sense of the whole mess.

As another reviewer said an editor is your friend even if English is not your first language.

says the following:

"Son's love for her long hair Mom changes everything."

so the son is a girl or not?? Please proofread your stuff or have someone proofread it before submitting it....

Others have pointed the grammar, so I'll ignore that. This is a terrible story. What is the plot? Is there even any build up? You really should ask yourself why when you write something. Apparently this loser son shows up on his divorced moms door step and he lusts after her immediately, why? What mental disorder does he suffer from? Is your plot supposed to be that the loser shows up and what is going to happen? Hey mom... immediately her panties drop and the loser just decides to take her? I'm done with literotica. Most stories on here are horrible!

This is simply atrocious, sorry.

Please, please, PLEASE - never write another word as long as you live!

This was SO astonishingly bad that words absolutely fail me.

NEVER. WRITE. AGAIN.

EVER