All Comments on 'Moments of Discovery'

Welcome to the Motley Crue section at Lit. The LW section EATS up and spits out writers like no one else but it's got the most dedicated readers again welcome aboard

This story read more like a manual than anything else. You seem to feel that your ideas were fresh, but they've been used. That's okay. Seldom do we get something truly different. Used ideas can be very good if made into an interesting story.

There was almost no emotion and very little dialogue. The big thing I noticed was that an anal CPA had his wife take care of their money and had no idea what was going on with it. That was a bigger stretch than the Buick Convertible full of concrete.

Keep posting. Try more dialogue and forego the "afterword" and other explanations on how your great ideas festered and germinated. Try to not be so pedantic.

You should learn what a sentence is.

HDK thank you for your critique, which I agree with and appreciate the positive intentions behind it. I would add that the plot is entertaining and mostly credible. Good start; hopefully you will post more stories.

Not the ILLEGAL all revealing video, yet again. This has been done to death

at least a million times and always stupid. Get a clue Mr. GenUFlect.

Just another sick burn the bitch story that should be in fetish

annony is an insane fucking asshole.

The author shows some promise, but the story reads as though it was written by the television character Joe Friday---too clipped and precise. Normal people don't talk or think so concisely. Also, approaching sirens for what would have been a typical police complaint? A little over the top. Still, like I said, the author shows some promise.

Loved the concrete idea but I highly doubt that in a busy location as the Hotel occupied, anyone would forget a Concrete Truck in the parking lot. They are large and extremely noisy. And you have the legal terms of the divorces completely wrong, given the nature of the illegally obtained video and the current divorce laws. But it was still an entertaining read. Thanks for the effort.

If he had acted the first time he found out it could have been a five.

But way to many holes in this story . It really doesn't work. He should have been aware of there money situation. Dumping cement in a public parking area. I'm sure there were servaliance cameras. Needs a lot of improvement .etc

Cost money to all partners but no blood was shed. Still there is an interesting thesis in the idea that a woman is always connected to her first.

But Walter took it in High School?

Great tale. Loved the posting in the newspaper showing the demise of the marriages. However, I would have liked to see the asshole cheaters pleading for their existence with the betrayed spouses. Still a Five Star tale

Cement is one of the ingredients in concrete. Cement is mixed with sand/rock/gravel and water to create concrete.

"I have tried to follow my 'Three C's' of good writing: to be Clear, Concise, and Complete. Conversations have been edited." The Three C's might work for narration, but dialog is often Unclear, Vague and Incomplete!

I'm not sure how you have "edited" conversations, I guess I'll have to comment there at the end!

IMHO this was a good first effort but there seemed little to no emotion displayed by anyone.

fast. clean. no violence, and a win win verdict, TK U MLJ LV NV

I can see by the third paragraph what some of the comments were talking about with you OVERLY concise style. Even a small thing, why not, “I met…” rather than just “Met…?”

It’s been many years since I went to a Homecoming Dance, but that unusual for a first date. I’m prepared to be sternly corrected!

NO “I’ve got a headache nights?” If you mean no PHONY ones, okay, but women (AND men!) DO get headaches!

ONCE during the week and on Sunday morning? Not much “frequency” there!

How interesting, that “choir practice” and church conflict with their “play time!” Why not switch to Tuesday or Thursday night and Saturday morning?

Why couldn’t she tell him about the pregnancy and botched abortion? It was before they even met!

“He's always been my one and only love." – Boy, I’ll bet THAT makes him feel warm all over!

most of which earlier commentators have already done.

Overall though, a good first effort. At least in my opinion.

Like most new authors you have a good idea then do the story like an outline which leaves many gaps to fill. These gaps are what essentially make a good author. They are meant to get to our emotions which get us involved in the story....white hot rage... or ...that sinking feeling in your gut....these gaps are even sometimes filled in with what and why on the cheating spouse part. But in the end the part you really got wrong was the ending in that there was no ending....What happened to him? What happened to her? What happened to the car dealer guy? You need to give some closure to make it a complete story. Writers like FTDS in here make a whole career in giving us the ending....wish he were still with us so he could give us another page or two for your story. Pretty good writing though so keep on trying. *3* for now due to content and lack of an ending.

Good story taking in consideration this is your first try. So you must keep writing. 3*

He took the heartless Cunt back. End of story! Begin sissy loser husband story. Don't care what happens from that point on. The guy is a fucking loser. The Cunt told him that her boyfriend was her only true love and yet he takes her back. No one to like in this mess. Pathetic!

The cincinnati airport is in Hebron KY. No cinci police there.

Emotions were absent making it hard to care what happened to any of the characters.

I encourage you to try again, but next time give us someone to like.

Others have observed that it would be impossible for someone to not see a fully loaded truck arrive and dump a load of slurry into a car in the parking lot. You gave us an entertaining visual description of the destruction of the car, but there is no way all that mayhem would be silent and not draw attention. Surely a motel in that part of town would have outside security cameras and so too would the businesses in the area.

But none of that really matters. When she told him Walt was her first and one true love it should have been over.

Several mentioned details and mechanics of the plausibility of what happened. That's okay. What matters to me is this is that this is one of my favorite types of stories, Catch the Cheating Wife.

5 *'s

Is right that you did not finish. You also needed to explain why the cheaters did not choose another motel.

He took her back so fast that he probably still smells the cum dripping down her legs.

WHAT A FUCKING PUSSY ..... he actually took her back and didn't followed up on her. Just file this first and only panty boy story under Cuck !!!!

I wish I could have given it a negative score just for wasting my time !

this could use a follow up

There's no point in criticizing any oversights in the plot and/or the style of presentation.

I do invite Gen (May I call you Gen?) to explore other styles. You've been given some useful suggestions, try exploring them. As suggested, many of the more successful LW stories contain more emotional content and dialogue.

I suggest you try a few different styles until you find one that suits you.

I gave your submittal four and a half stars - rounded to five. (grin)

There was a song in 1972 by Australian country pop band Johnny Chester & Jigsaw - Readymix Revenge on the Fable label. It was a minor hit here in Australia. Go listen. The concept here is taken straight from that. Moreover, in reality, dipshit would have been arrested, jailed & sued as would have his buddies. Plain simple divorce much more real. Garbage. 1*. Ken

at least he didn t take her back the second time

Feels like you just rushed through the ending. Would have liked to have seen some dialogue between Harold and Karen at the end. Just needed some more info or what type of nut she really was.

Exactly

Pretty solid little story for a first effort. He should have dumped her after the " my first and only love" crack. Love the revenge though.

What do you think?

Regardless of what Walter did, Sharon gets no more than half. She can buy him out, but he gets half. And visitation with the kids. She exposes his activities and the car dealerships will all be out of business in 6 months. And there goes her life of leisure. Besides this is a "no-fault" country. His cheating will have no affect on the outcome of their divorce as a matter of law. Using the recordings would have been against the law and landed Sharon in jail. But for a fantasy, this was funny. Except children lost their full time Father and 2 marriages were ruined. Not exactly a funny ending for anyone.

Yes I'm a sucker, a cuckold and very stupid. That's why.

Walter has always been her one and true love and H takes the cunt back? Otherwise, good story

When working on the new victoria tube line in London, we were pumping concrete from the surface down to the works when a pipe joint broke. Result was that we filled a London taxi with concrete!

The cabbie was extremely shocked.

The only good thing is that you didn’t lie when you said this is your first story here.

Please do not submit a second one!!!

Please keep writing. The Loving Wives category can be a cesspool. Ignore most, and don't try to understand how your story was received. Look for ideas and get on to your second, please!

You need to work on those creative juices.

You do show some promise.

Tremendous nonviolent revenge story. A good one to read again.

Nonviolent revenge can be very satisfying. Too bad about the convertible.

Good story enjoyed

Good read. Don't know any contractors. The Bear approves.

The BEAR

just need a little more on what happened to the cheating wife. but pretty good story.

gamblnluck

I really needed that good laugh

When first we practice to fuck up an affair

Mary takes a bit of a weird character arc. First she's a loving wife, then she finds religion, then starts cheating, gets caught, is forgiven, then starts cheating again with no extra care the second time. A more compelling character, and a more lively coda would be nice.

He found out and poor guy forgives over a few tears. Does wimpy cuckold come to mind?

Forgive so trust again? Verification!!

jtwheels

What a way to get even...and what a jerk...but here it is again...it's his wife who's cheating...and she's the most important part of this story..and we have to guess in the end...and that kills this story for me...after all it's her cheating that makes this a story...but this story just dies in the end.......

-30-

Me too!!!

Would been even better if Walt and the cheating bitch had been in the car when he put in the cement.

3 star - the only novelty part of this story, was the cement poured into the car - that was funny.

Although, I was glad to see there was no violence used on the cheaters.

-30- me as well

The technical term for the threatened use of the video is "extortion".

A good read slightly marred by a few elements: 1) Puking. This idea that men puke on discovery of a wife's infidelity is not only unnecessarily unrealistic, it is becoming as tiresome a cliche as others found throughout LW such as the 'parents killed in a car crash', the fixation with penis size or the interracial sex that only takes place between black men and white women, never white men and black women. 2) References to the crematorium. WTF? Clear? Concise? Complete? I think not. 3) What an amazing coincidence that the MC's brother in law just happens to be a top divorce attorney! Really?

How can the author think this would in anyway result in a reconciliation: "He's always been my one and only love."?

In general, amusing and well executed.

Very poor ending.

Decent story up to the end. Ending was very weak.

Worth repeating from an earlier comment:

"Clear? Concise? Complete? I think not."

⭐⭐⭐ Started out good. Went downhill when he forgave the first transgression. Could have still been saved. But, the end was so weak, it might as well not have been written. 👎🏻

What a stupid and painful revenge (for the hubby).!

SOO stupid! Have no kids…should have just divorced her!! What an ass!! Well he is an accountant right? They don’t have imaginations!!

It would have been hilarious if he could have made sure to film 2 days of cheating rather than 1, because that way the cheating couple would have thought that they saved their asses by not contesting their divorces, and the lawyer could have released the second tape just as planned while at the same time keeping his word not to release the first cheating video.

5 stars - this is a funny BTB story - no violence, no anger, no screaming, no running away - what could be better?

The only one better was the guy who used a drone to drop pig shit on the cheating couple in the car.

Now THAT was really funny.

Story had lots of promise but never made it. MC was too forgiving ( one and only love ) that's a clue son. Revenge was too convoluted for the shitbird and about zero for the cheating slut who knew she could not have kids prior to their marraige.

It was good until all that with the TV stations, newspapers, etc. The lawyer's letters could've been done both differently &, as a result, better. Couldn't believe the revenge part- esp. the cement- but you indicated you read it in the newspaper, so it must've been done. If so, very novel! There's also a question that she didn't know she couldn't have kids before she married. Wouldn't the doctor or another tell her? Anyway, gave 3 stars for the story try. Bob

Too be that there weren't more details on the divorce

I didn't enjoy the half sentences. They made it hard to read.

The writing needs improvement, especially the 2nd page with all the (almost seeming) repetitive lawyer notes. The writing could've used some polishing as the flow was somewhat rough. It spoiled the story. 2 stars Bob

Enjoyable until the cement in the guy's car, even though that will be the talk of the town and his demise for quite some time. gr