All Comments on 'Mom's Christmas Tradition-Redux'

Your writing is superb. It flows easily and naturally. If this was any other site, I would give this story five stars. However, the reason I read the stories on Literotica is to make my cock hard so I can jerk off and cum. That's the whole idea behind porn. Your story made my cock shrink and filled me with guilt about lusting after my mom. Not a good combination when your purpose at that moment is to try and cum.

I normally don't read incest stories as they aren't my kind of thing. However, I saw your name and decided to take a chance. I LOVED this!! Your writing is superb (as usual per your other story), it reads as honest and real. But I can see that any reader looking for hot sex, this will be seen as the ultimate cock-block.

You get 5 from me. And you almost could have put this in Loving Wives for the revenge aspect of the mother/older brother making a cuckold of the father.

I'm not a big fan of 'alternate endings', because that typically implies that the author of the alt-ending has decided that he/she knows better than the original author, how the story should have been told.

This particular alt-ending is an exception to that generality. And, on some levels, it works quite well. Then, again, it fails miserably on other levels.

The author's "Bio" page says that he's a single male, age 33 to 40. To be single at that age suggests that he's been married and is now divorced/single. Age and experience has a bearing on how an author perceives a story that he reads, as well as how he'll construct a story he's writing. I'll get to that, shortly.

This alt-ending works - up to a point - in Matt's reaction to what his brothers have told him, regarding their mother's strange Christmas family tradition. The problem is that Matt (who knew his father the shortest time of all 3 sons) is outraged at Mom for her having cheated on him. Essentially, Matt has the knowledge - at 18 - to know that cheating on one's spouse is essentially wrong. What he doesn't have is the older adult perspective of a husband who's BEEN cheated on, and discovered it. You may have had a long-time (and sexually intimate) partner (girlfriend or boyfriend) cheat on you by being intimate with someone else, and it hurts. It hurts SO much more, when it involves the breaking of that vow that essentially says, "I will be intimate with you and with no other, for the rest of my life." And it is THIS degree of outrage that Matt displays, in this alternate ending.

The next place where the alt-ending fails is in Matt's conduct. He's taking an adult perspective that's beyond his years - and his experience - toward his mother's intended action, but then he calls her 'Mommy', repeatedly. Teenage boys tend to drop "Mommy" in favor of "Mom" somewhere around age 10 to 12, simply because they want to be regarded as 'growing up', or 'maturing'.

Finally, Matt sneaks out of the house by climbing out the window. If he truly wanted to show his maturity, he'd have had the balls to pack his bag and walk right out the front door, thumbing his nose at his brothers and his slut of a mother.

Oh - and there's also the little matter of Matt's comments to his mother. The idea that she's created an experience for her older sons that is "legendary", and that will always go "unmatched" by any other sexual experience the older sons might have, leading to eventual unhappiness for Todd and Chris? That, again, is a very mature perspective that can only come from far more years of life-experience than Matt has accumulated at age 18. Even the comments from Todd and Chris, that their night with Mom was the best night of their lives, is not sufficient grounds for Matt to be able to extrapolate on and arrive at the insight he tosses at his mother.

So, the story works - but not very well. I think the author should have left this tale on his computer, and never submitted it.

There is no higher form of flattery than to know a story affected someone profoundly. In this case so profoundly it not only initially earned me a long rant from PB, but led to him writing his own version.

So to this I say, thank you. Thank you for showing me how my work affects you. To the story itself, well written and exactly what you wanted. I say my stories are my babies and done my way. In this case you borrowed my baby and did it your way. Kudos for making it your own.

And ballsy. Very ballsy...writing a story in incest that condemns incest...Now that takes not just talent, but stones.,

That's my boy!

Now maybe I'll see your re-dux with one of my own and go with what happens when Matt talks to Uncle Dave....

LC told me I would get good criticism...thanks for what you all have written. I would like to perhaps clarify something. I enjoyed the original ending to the story the best. I never thought my ending was better. I call it an alternate ending because the way I read the original story it could have easily gone this way in my mind. Matt's brothers try to get him drunk and pop the whole tradition thing on him and then he goes to bed with his mother all in the same night? That is a recipe for disaster. I saw a lot that could go wrong with how the characters were trying to get Matt to join in and I decided to write an alternative end of what could have happened. As many have said...this is all about fantasy. I thank you all for helping me become a better writer and I look forward to hearing from you all. Also if you haven't yet already...read the other stories by lovecraft68 and tell him your thoughts on them. Those of us who write here, its our only form of payment. Lol. Sincerely. Payenbrant.

you should go back to writing things in your make believe world and leave the erotica to those that do it so well such as LC.

Lack of originality and obvious ability are the droning undertone to this submission, outlining the fact that this 'author' has attempted (unsuccessfully) to take a finished and complete story-vignette and tried to twist it around to match his point of view and personal prejudices, essentially making it his own. There's a famous incident where the writer Oscar Wilde remarked to James McNeil Whistler "I wish I'd said that!", to which Whistler replied "Oh you will, Oscar, you will..." I think, that you, Oscar, have said what someone else already did, but the sad fact is you didn't say it as well, or as interestingly, nor even as competently as LC. As another commentator noted, this should have remained unseen, kept private and personal so you could cuddle it and every so often tell yourself that you did a better job than LC, and feel all fuzzy and complete inside, and no-one would have been any the wiser. You probably told yourself how much the lovers of the original were going to love your version, but the problem with the conversations we have in the privacy of our heads is that we supply both sides of it, so nothing is resolved, and instead a warm glow of spurious achievement envelopes us. A pointless submission, pastiche bordering on parody, of a better writer's style and milieu.

Don't let the people hating on your work slow you down. It's amazing how many critics have little to no work of their own submitted.

I enjoyed your take on the story especially considering I'd hoped the original had gone this way as I was reading it.

Keep up the good work.

Much of what is in this category is either rooted in an attempt at provocation or worse, simple perversion looking for a slimy home to not feel ashamed. I must credit Lovecraft68 with originality and artistry, even if not to my specific liking. Payenbrant, you have taken one of the dark corners of the human psyche--shamed into the dark corner rather than allowed to breathe and grow up--and made it into a piercing indictment. This while spending adequate time on the finer strokes, fleshing out the character's psyche and experience. A boy raised in such a situation would unequivocally have a fractured mind, with unnaturally childish personality traits and artificially aged portions, making the vast majority of the poor sap's experience one dominated by the inherent conflict within his being. Such a character, with idiosyncrasies and misgivings lives and breathes, and in so doing ELEVATES the sophistication and power of an erotic experience, rather than reducing it to pure physicality. Keep it up. Maybe I'll write an alternate ending to one of YOUR stories.

And 18years-old?With his maturity, he died of Arteriosclerosis at 21...

4*

I too was disappointed with the original. Mostly because mom didn't stay true to the tradition. I accept that the author gets to set the boundaries, and establish just what and how the tradition is carried out. But when those lines are crossed it makes the whole point moot.

With this alternative ending new restrictions are placed on the birthday celebration for the 18 year old. And it is done by the 18 year old.

I have to wonder, if I had been the husband, how I would have felt if I had discovered what my wife was doing, and how eagerly she looked forward to it. It would be interesting to learn the reaction of Uncle David, and even the grandmother to the revelation by Matt.

I like this genre but sometimes bemoan the lack of submersion. You take a story that was done and add the reality of life. The fact that a husband was cheated on and deceived by his wife and child. As well as the very real change that the bond between the mother and son would go through. I especially liked how he confronted the brothers however I would of appreciated a more realistic change in the mom son dynamic.

Really well done and worth the read.

The only complaint I have was having to skim through the original in order to read this. No wonder I consider "Mine...Yours" one of the best of the best! You don't feel a need to drag sex into the gutter in order to enjoy it.

Pay no attention to the haters,; I felt this was amazingly done, and couldn't hope for a better ending. I do feel like the boy was acting in the psyche of a cheated husband, and he was really perceptive for his age, but this ending really left a smile in my face, something the original did not.

If you don't like infer stories go read bedtime with unicorns. This was trash a be makes no sense.

man

you're my fucking hero :)

this should have been the ending :)

dont worry about the rating.

these guys just want a quick wank, so that's important to them

proud of you

salute

early on there were some comments from people and specially from LC, who simply hated your guts.

well i don't know about the others, but to me PB is a lot better author than LC, hands down. but i suspect when someone sees the ratings and comments on both writer's stories, more people will agree with me than not.

in the main story, the writer had built some weak plot and ends the story with some good sex scenes. those who read the story for a quick wank, went home as very happy camper.

but there are some of us who love the story, enjoy the build up and can read a story for the sake of the story, example: all the readers of 'mine... yours' who ate the story up, without any sex for the most chapters. so don't disrespect all of us by saying lit is just for a quick handjob site

in this alternate ending PB just showed a alternate way the story could have ended. he didn't compare, but if you're comparing, this is more logical ending than the main one. nobody has ever cheated on me, nor i have cheated on someone with their girlfriend. but it all the same appales me to read someone cheating on their dad/husband with mom/son.

and fucking tradition? and once in a lifetime thing? it will never be the same.

so don't worry bro, PB you rock.

Peace

perfect! The right thing to do FINALLY!

And I have to agree with Shade_Wayne, not all of us actually read stories on here to wank off or, if that's the predominant reason we come here, that's not always what we're looking for.

Ouch!!

Talk about changing a character's personality!! Very different from Lovecraft68.

From an 18 year old following his emotions and physical desires. To a man that stops responding to his body's natural desire and used forethought to record the activities in his bedroom.

Well written story that doesn't work due to extreme change in the protagonist, Matt.

And no way would he get away beating the oldest brother. Right or wrong doesn't matter. Ha, Ha, the picking order is maintained and enforced by both older brothers,lol.

How are the older brothers to be expected not to want to have repeats...? And to do whatever it takes for them...?

I find it more believable that one would say, "Are you fucking KIDDING...?!?" than to just go along with it...

And how damaged must this family be to be able to MAKE this a "tradition"... After all, didn't this tradition START with one parent doing this to their first child...?

I'm not adverse to incest in a blanket sense... But this one sure seemed like it wasn't ALL choice... And that, I'm ALL against.

The writing was particularly well done. The piece flowed quite well, the anger and feelings of a traditional mother/son relationship were there. I really liked how you drew the picture of the traditional relationship, a mom taking care of their growing child and ensuring they became their own. I also liked how you detailed him describing this to his mother and his reasons for not continuing the tradition. Some people have said that it doesn't work because it is too much of a character change, well not really. I mean it is quite easy to let your physical side dominate your mental and then at a moment have the mental resume. I think including the moment of the bus stop helped to rectify that flip/flop brilliantly. Now of course, I do believe LC's version to be superior, but then it was their work and was brilliantly done as well. Still, nicely done.

why u have to make a happy story a sad one . a 1 star for sure

This is the only story by this writer that I avoided reading and now I wish I had read it earlier.

Easily believable reaction.

Characters in a story that act and react like humans would.

Excellent writing, thank you.

we are not here for reading article we are here for reading story so realistic or not this one is fucked up i like the original one

Excellent story about putting a stop to a sick, generational abuse.

You did warn us this was dark, and so it is.

"Out of the darkness comes the light...You make the world turn around..." or words to that effect.

In a world where everything is sexualized, it's hard not to imagine a boy wanting his Mother. In the 21st Century we celebrated MILFs--our own and every one else's. It's hard to figure out where the self-imposed morality originates. There's a missing element here.

I'm challenged by much of this story as it lacks that foundation. I'd give it a zero but they won't allow that. I'll give a two for the effort. I know from my own efforts trying to piggy-back or redo a tale is a greater challenge than one saying, "I'd have done it different and better. Remember, the effort is worthwhile.

Good save in the end

I hate cheating. I hate cheating in stories even more. I hate adultery even more than that, but when a mother cheats on her husband with her son! Or a father with his daughter it seriously pisses me off. I always wanted to read a story where the son says no. I finally got that so now it kinda feels like a weight off of my shoulders. Well done well done. If you find anymore like that please post them on the comment section I would love to read them.

some people figure it out early. I did. As a teenager I had two female cousins come on to me very strongly on several occasions during visits back to see the family. One did it while we shared a car going through the Haunted Mansion at Disneyland. Something stopped me from giving into my lust, some sense that it would change the relationship, and not necessarily in a good way with these two girls I very much liked.

I got to see your story play out in real life. My extended family on my Dad's side blew up one day, oh about thirty years ago, when an older female cousin sent a letter of condemnation to every member of the family detailing her sexual molestation at the hands of the men of the family. Turns out it was a family "tradition" practiced by the men and condoned by the women. It "built family unity." By the time the dust settled about half of the marriages in the family had ended in rancorous divorces. All of the "blood" relatives knew of the "tradition" but those people who married into the family were kept in the dark. Those people were horrified to discover what their so called loving spouses had done, or allowed to be done, to the children in the family. No matter how much people extolled the benefits of the tradition, which one great aunt said went back to at least her grandfather who had molested her, for building family unity none of those people who had married into the family were ever convinced. I have always been glad that I lived on the other side of the country when this mess went down.

I spoke one time, briefly, with my father about this years later. According to him, he was molested by the men of the family throughout his childhood. "It was just how things worked in the family." He was then "inducted" into the tradition in his early teens. By the time he was sixteen, he had realized something was wrong with what he and the other males were doing, rejected the tradition and was big enough to enforce his personal boundaries. I asked him the reason we lived on the east coast was to protect my sister and I. He said it was. So even sixteen years olds can reject these traditions.

So, for myself, my dad, and that older, female cousin who blew up the family, I say thank you for writing this alternate, and truer, ending to Lovecraft's story. Even someone as young as your main character can understand the damage caused by these "traditions" and choose to reject them.

I liked this ending far better than the original. I stopped reading the original as soon as he caved. I really wanted him to hold out and tell her to get the fuck out of his room but he didnt. This was a far better outcome.