All Comments on 'Mom's Makeover'

I'm sorry. I have the utmost respect for people who spend their time (lots of it in this case it would seem) to write and post stories. I never have submitted anything and so it seems churlish of me to criticise. I actually wanted to post something to encourage the author, to show that there was some hope that in time their writing would get bettter. But no. I can't. This is just dismal stream of consciousness pap. I presume the (female according to the profile??) author is a male for whom English is not their first language. Even allowing for that the prose is disjointed, the "sex" actually a turn off and totally unrealistic, and the whole thing leaves me feeling bewildered. Once again, I'm sorry - I hate to be negative. But this is probably the worst story I have read in a long time. I'm staying anonymous which feels a bit cowardly so again apologies for that. Sarah x

It was a great story I would in future recommend that you shorten it a bit.

Probably a good story in there somewhere, but I couldn't read it. Sentence structure and grammar were so jumbled I could not form a comprehensive story in my mind. Keep studying and keep trying. God luck.

I couldn't get past the first handful of paragraphs. Your concept of dialog was almost painful to attempt to read. There was nothing original or even vaguely interesting to be found before the sheer awfulness of what I was reading overwhelmed me. The story utterly lacked any redeeming qualities.

Oh, and as for the anon person who called it a "Goog Story" aside from the excessive length: Are you fucking retarded? Your comment was brief, and yet you still managed to misspell the word "good". I'm going to chalk that up to the principle of "considering the source." If the source can't spell the word "good", how much can you value their praise? (Although, to be completely honest, if you thought this abortion was "good", I'd still think you were a fucking retard.)

I really did TRY to read this story. I got three-quarters of the way through the first "page", and then checked to see how many "pages" were left in the story. Sadly, I really didn't fancy wading through another 6.25 pages.

There are words missing from sentences, words used incorrectly in sentences, stilted and very poor grammar, and numerous other writing errors. Combined, these errors suggest that the story was written by someone to whom English is a rarely-used and poorly-learned second language.

The strangest thing about this is that, back in 2009, this author submitted another story, "Saucy Sue", which was an excellent tale - written with perfect British English sentence structure, expert use of British slang terms, and was quite well written - by someone whose native language IS English.

After viewing this rather strange dichotomy, it makes me wonder if - perhaps - that earlier story wasn't copied by the author from one of the other archives of erotic tales, such as the "Alt Sex Stories Text Repository" and posted here...

My apologies, as I hate to ever leave a comment such as this.

I truly understand that English is not your first language, as it was also not mine, but I have to ask that you either get someone to proofread your stories before you post them here, or find a better language translator program as the one you currently are using just doesn't work for you.

I do commend you on the amount of work you went through in writing this story, but unfortunately it was so hard to read, that it literally sucked any enjoyment out of reading it.

The phrasing you used during this story was just so very difficult to read and comprehend. It may have been a 5 star story in your mind, but due to the way it was written and presented, it diminished it greatly.

Please take this criticism the way it was intended, and don't lose heart! Get someone to help you with your next submission, and I know it could it be stellar :)

On Dec 6 2009, YamiBoy pointed out that "Saucy Sue" was actually written by Ermberto and posted at: http://www.asstr.org/~ermberto/saucy.htm.

pornopam still has "Saucy Sue" on his page without any acknowledgment that its another author's copyrighted work.

However, "Mom's Makeover" is apparently pornopam's own work, and it's trash.

I couldn't make it past the first paragraph because I had to stop every few words to decipher what you actually meant to say. How am I supposed to enjoy reading 7 pages worth of material, when I'm stumbling over just the first paragraph?

Regardless of the language I didn't need 6 pages of BS before getting to some sex.

Get an editor familiar with conversational English. Trying to read this was like trying to put a puzzle together.

A while back there was a movie titled "The Unbearable Lightness of Being", this is the written version, and should be called "The Unspeakable Longness of Reading"; never has a 7 page read taken so much effort, time, and sheer bloody willpower, and it wasn't worth any of it; if I could sue you to get that last part of my life back, I would. You can't write.

Porn for English as a second language. I got through three sentences and am guessing that English is still a work in progress. I'll give you an A for tenacity to go seven pages ... even if I couldn't.

Your story is good but your writing is a distraction. You should get someone to edit your story and help you with idioms and expressions. Do not be discouraged. Your story line was good and you have room to write a sequel .

Should never have been submitted. (Should have been submitted for execution by lethal injection)

I couldn't get past the first sentence. Somthing like "I and my mom." Was all it took to go.....hell no am I reading this.

It made it difficult to read but I admire your tenacity for making the effort, it was a good story. You need to get an editor to eradicate the errors in tense and person. Thank you for writing. None of us are perfect, LOL.

I was so disappointed to see that you haven't posted any further stories after this one. I hope and pray that the comments below haven't discouraged you? Those guys seem to have got hold of the wrong side of their dicks. This is an EROTICA website. It's all about getting hot and squelchy and English grammar, accent, enunciation or pronunciation have nothing to do with nothing.

I personally wanked my ding dong red (verging on purple) over the 7 pages.

On the plus side 42 fappers have "favorited" this story so 5 critics, including 2 anonymous trolls can be safely ignored. Honestly! How many stories have you seen here favorited by 42 people?

Among the people who commented on your post, the only one who has ever posted stories here is Writerjab whose English is faultless yet the erection he intends to give to people is an utter failure. His best attempt got 23 Favorites and that's been on twice as long as your post, and most didn't even get 5 or even 1.

No disrespect intended for the English marms below but this website is NOT about linguistics. It's all about bodily fluids that go squelch.

Love it. Don't pay any attention to the other negative comments from idiots. I don't normally read long stories, but this one kept me reading tot he end. Keep up the good work.