All Comments on 'Mood Ring Ch. 05'

Roll on Chapter Six! :-) x

The title gives us a clue that this is intended to be a fantasy. As such I believe the author has invoked the right to give us a plot based upon fantasies. So far she has certainly done that and I think she's done a fantastic job. At the same time there are so many little touches that give events a feeling of realism. I for one am very much enjoying the ride and don't care how long it takes to arrive at the destination. It would appear that I am not the only one who sees it that way - the scores are still good for a new author and the chapters have been favourited by some very discerning readers.

...so put upon by this prime example of this author's skillful application of erotic art.

The repetition builds the drama. Each separate POV describes subtle differences between the two major characters.

For those who are driven to tantrums by complexity of mature emotions and a rich tapestry of developing relationships. There are a hundred thousand plus stroke stories for you to flog your little wanker with.

Please clean up after yourself and go wash your hands! Stop making your Mommy do it for you.

well, as the moderator of this comment section, I have the right to remove any comments from dickheads LOL.

However, I am aware this has been a long fruitless read for people who just want to "get-off." This work was never intended for that audience,

It was never intended for any audience at all for that matter. This was written as an exercise for me to practice first person POV and stream of consciousness narrative. It developed into an exercise of viewing events from two different sets of eyes and minds. it is self-indulgent. This work was created for me only

But, I won't say I was over-impressed with my writing style, but I was proud enough of my own work to think maybe some other people would enjoy it.

If you enjoy it thank you for your support.

If you do not, secure your vote, move on and sorry for your time.

If you don't like it and have a reason, your criticism is welcome. I am a new writer and I am not perfect in the craft. I know I can improve and would like your help.

If you feel like you have to write a whiny d-bag comment to try to offend me, well.. not kindly but simply fuck off. :) your offensive comment will get deleted anyway

Kisses P_H

while i can appreciate the seduction i would also like to see it come to the conclusion at some point before the next century.

This story is a welcome treat from the quick jump to fluid swapping without any story or character development. The story line had kept me entertained and looking forward to the continuation of your story. Your development of these characters reflects the true complexity of each individual life. Yet your ability to show the developing emotion of love is refreshing. Love after all has brought down empires, shattered lives and is above all without compromise. Keep writing.

Thank you for writing and posting!

DRock.

Spot on with your details. Write a book, or ten. They will be best sellers.

I'm really enjoying the story so far, however i wonder if the author could maybe integrate the 2 POVs within the same chapter rather than the readers basically rereading the story twice. Looking forward to the next chapter, tension between the two characters builds well!

The first thing I do when I log in its to check for your next chapter. When it is posted it feels like Xmas all over again! Ten chapters will be too short! I hope you have a "next" story in the works.

I love the story. the way you did this chapter from the McKinney side is well written, we get to see her side while the events took place in the Date.

Great job at developing two completely different characters and bringing the to life. Even though chapters 1 and 2 are repeated in 3 and 4 it felt new, seeing them through the prism of two separate personalities. You did this very well I thought. I would argue however that your effort to make each chapter stand alone is detrimental to the vast majority of your readers. Making us who WANT to be here every chapter spend 25% of EVERY chapter revisiting the "how we got where we are", is not only unnecessarily redundant but it makes me feel like I'm wasting time when I am aching to be moving the story forward. The Story is called Mood Ring. PLEASE make it ONE story with 10 chapters not 10 Stories with the same name pick one if you want.

Again, thanks to everyone for the positive encouragement and good criticism. I hear you about the redundancy and constant recapping. At this point in the writing of the story, it started to get to me also lol. I do not regret the ability to put more nuance and polish on the story, but I am a continuity freak and having to check to make sure that every detail was consistent became very burdensome. Especially if I changed something late in writing and then had to go back and search through 5-6 different similar episodes to make everything fit.

From this point forward, the redundancy lessens. For chapter 6, I tried something new to have mercy on the constant readers, but from Ch. 7 onwards the pace of the storytelling changes and I don't think I have any redundancy going forward.

kisses P_H

Every wicked force in this world seems bent on turning poor Lynne lesbian. She never even got the chance to explicitly state that she was straight to Anya because she was interrupted and seemingly forgot it afterwards. Anya even gloats about how she is seducing Lynne and trying to get her to embrace that tiny part of her that is lesbian! Despite the first five paragraphs of the first chapter where Lynne says she has finally fallen victim and embraced lesbianism, is there no hope for her, or even for Anya? Why must Lynne be so cruelly forced to embrace something she is uncomfortable with, that she would only embrace when totally drunk? My point still stands, author, that you have fantastic writing, even if somewhat repetitive.

And there is no shame in posting revised versions with less repetition. Continuing on to the next chapters...

This chapter demonstrated a revealing talent. You writing shared the ability to touch much deeper into each characters emotions and psyche.

Definitely 5🌟's