All Comments on 'More Than Friends'

i would like more description of the girls at the beginning.

Though I have a few words of advice. Try not to refer to your characters by name quite so often. "She continued rubbing Holly's arm and pushed her hips against Holly's body, squeezing her thighs around Holly's thigh." It makes it all seem a bit long winded, you know? Even referring to one or the other character as "the woman" or something once in a while can help break up the monotony.

As bluemoves said, having more of a physical description of the characters would be nice, and it would help in this respect as well. There are a variety of different physical attributes you can use to refer to someone so as not to overuse their name or any other particular reference. The brunette, the shorter woman, the younger woman, the tan woman, or what have you. Even a few more 'she's and 'her's would be good, as long as it's easy to work out who you're referring to.

As I said, this is a good first try, it could just use a bit of refining. Keep on writing. Cheers.

...write it in the first person, then you can use she, her, I, and me. It reads MUCH better.

Prett good otherwise.

A nice gentle read. Thank you for posting it.

Awesome story, Made me hard

That was tender, erotic and a great story to jerk off to. Thanks!5

Take bluemoves and awkward's comments to heart. I have recently

started to write and I received the same comments from people

This is a nice gentle story of friendship being taken to the next level.

enjoyed your story

This is a very nice story about people who bring out their deeper feelings along with their sexual desire, resulting in a closer friendship as well as sexual pleasure. I hope you will write more stories with a loving/caring viewpoint. I also liked the implied statement that this was the first time for both of them and each woman wanted to get the other's agreement to learn about making love together. You only stated it for Heather but I think it was Holly's first time too. Well written and very sweet.

Hi Enjoyed your story. Sadly, I couldn't find a place to vote. You have a lot of potential. Keep writing and honing your skills. Thanks

That certainly made me wet! I really enjoy your style. Clear and oh so realistic.

I really enjoyed your story. Actually, this has been a fantasy of mine for quite sometime now. Please write some more.

I would like to see More Than Friends Part 2, as Heather and Holly's relationship deepens. This was a great start! Thank you.