All Comments on 'Mother and the Book Club Ch. 02'

The dialog between your characters is kind of... awkward? People, in my experience, don't speak the way you write. You might consider loosening things up. And not using full names so often. People don't do that, either. "Hello Katherine Armstrong. Did you speak to Jolene Fiala today? Or to her husband, Harold Fiala? Yes? Thank you, Aunt Katherine Armstrong."

...awkward?

your writing is much too wordy, and not in a good way either. "they went into her bedroom to get on her bed, that was the bed her and her husband slept in bed at"

that is an example of how nearly every sentence in your story reads. No one talks like that, nor do they write like that.

I Read for Enjoyment! Very Enjoyable! Many More Women to Take Care Of, With Mom Always There! I Think Your Descriptions are Very Good! I Like Your Writing! Only Going to Get Better! Thanks!

Another author who is constantly told to either proof read his stories or to get an editor.... and consistently ignores the advice. Then the author keeps churning out substandard stories.

Pay attention to what your commenters are saying. The comment about your dialog being awkward is dead on. Concersations are so stilted, it reads like a Russian having a conversation with a Spaniard, in English.

Homonyms are a major downfall. Pique, peek or peak. They sound the same, they have completely different meanings. Many, many readers will give up on a story with obvious errors like this. Spellcheckers won't help. If you can't tell the difference, find someone who can.

Maybe your mom can help.

Continue on with this story. Great so far.

That kind of relationship isn't going to work it might be ok for a bit but then someone is going to start getting jealous and more than likely that will be the mom her talking about it not being fair to make him quit having sex with a select few is bullshit cause him stopping fucking other women and her not fucking other men is the point of being in a relationship with someone she was married she knows that so it has nothing to do with being fair or not and again your lack of writing skills is well ill just say you need to take writing classes

To those who think he needs to get a editor that wouldn't work due to the fact the whole story would have to be rewrote which means it would no longer be the writers story the only way he can use a editor is if he was to take writing classes to get the skills he needs to be able to actually write a story some people it comes naturally some learned from taking writing classes he needs such classes as far proof reading his stories first will make no difference if he doesn't understand what is wrong with the story and understand how to fix it his lack of writing skills reminds me of a child