All Comments on 'Mother's Gel'

Couldn't agree more with the comment made by "Baloney_Pony"!

Setting off dialogue with dashes isn't very common, but plenty of authors have used it. Maybe you've heard of one named James Joyce? Wrote a little book named *Ulysses*? All the dialogue is set off with dashes.

This story has good potential but, you need to slow down and build! Its like a house you build it layer by layer, write, read and rewrite it until it is perfect. Then you will not get "KNOB JOCKEYS" trying to knock you down. KEEP GOING IS WHAT I SAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6out of 10, will be much better NEXT time.

You need to realise that like many many folk in here, this writer used Voice Recognition Software, which unfortunately when you speak it, it comes out "boys wrecking nition soft wear"

And if the writer misses "school mates", just imagine what happens to "nevertheless".

It's my opinion that similar to the Americanised Spellings, in time we will need to become accustomed to VRS. Phonetic Spelling, if you will.

Kilroy

The whole gel thing didn't work for me. It seemed weird and not believable. Had you made it into something else, like a aphrodisiac to his mom that only sex could put out, a chemical that would turn toxic if not mixed within a certain amount of time or whatever that might have worked. Why bother with the gel if it didn't have any other effect than the smell?

Also you need to give the readers more info about the background for this ambush. Just to tell that he made some of his classmates angry doesn't work at all, and make the plot feel misplaced and unrealistic.

It was mentioned earlier, but a good build up is more then half the story, so have that in mind when writing.

Everybody need to start somewhere in writing and storytelling, so just take criticism and advice just as that, advice. If grammar would be a problem, you could always hire an editor to help you out.

If you can't stand people having a different opinion, fuck off.

No need to repeat them verbatim. I'll just summarize: Shadowplayer is a horrible writer.

As to the responses my comment generated? Are you comparing Shadowplayer to Joyce? Really? Enough said about that. Voice recognition software? Wow. What about reading through what it's translated for you and correcting as necessary? Oh, right. That would again require ...what was it? Oh, WRITING SKILLS. Refer to the top of this comment.

Home alone..my hubbys at work and I needed a good cum.This story helped.Thanks:)

since when were the writers on here going for a pulitzer? if he wants it to be a gel then fine. it is his story. having said that i do agree a little more background would have been better. and maybe even a following the act with a reprecussion.

I agree with the majority here, more background!! I am lost, what kind of gel was it? Who did the character make angry? Unfortunately this is just bad. Do all of us a favor, reserve your postings until you learn how to write.

PS: again I must reiterate...just bad.

They could be forced to have more sex, until the mother becomes pregnant, or they could have really liked the sex that they had and wanted their sexual relationship to continue.

The gel that they rubbed in his mom's pussy may have been something that made her extremely fertile, and was a strong aphrodisiac that made them both want to fuck all of the time.

I think the story should continue.

Thanks for the read.

Thanks for constructive criticism to those who provided it. I will take that feedback and will try to get better. English is not my mother tongue and I'm relying on spell check within Firefox. Obviously it works a bit worse than i thought. I'll probably ask someone nice to edit my next story.

To those who had just complained I recommend not to read my next stories as I fully intend to make more mistakes rather than quit writing. Obviously they are loosing sleep over that. :D

Good story - hot. Like how neither of them wanted to do it, but did it anyway. Maybe do a sequel where he is forced to impregnate her, or a longer version where the are trapped into having regular sex for the rest of their lives against their wishes. Don't listen to the haters that didn't like it - it's well written.

Do us readers all a favor and don't listen to the flamers and other idiots who have commented negatively without constructive advice about your story because it sounds like they don't know anything. The best advice that I can give you is to ask a few of the very good volunteer editors here for advice and maybe some help on how to write better stories. I like your story as a begining to a better story/ more chapters and such. Good luck and hope to see more of your work soon.

dialogue should look like this:

"he mom" bob said

"hi son" terri replied.

not like this:

-you look so gud in that skrit-he said to his mom.-thankyou son i bought it at the fleemarket- i think it would lookgood on teh floor. - oh bob your as horny as evar!

For a very short story, this is good.