by Krotch_Kannibal
9th grader? That's pretty harsh criticism. No, I'm not the author.. but this isn't written as bad as 73 percent of the stories on here are. What do you expect? A damn term paper?
He didn't claim to be Thomas Pynchon and if your want to read "Gravity's Rainbow", go to a freaking library and check it out!!! K_K, keep writing your tales. There are plenty of us out here who appreciate your efforts.
you can be a real good author. Now you can see what turns off some readers - most of which I find to also be a turn off. For the most part I thought your story was very erotic and aside from the previously pointed problems - the 8" cock and the circus 69 - I enjoyed the story. Hey at least the mom didn't have a 42FF bust. That would have really been a deal killer. I'm looking forward to your next submission hoping you have learned from the comments.
It started with promise. A little background, a little seduction, but then suddenly turned into a WHAM-BAM-THANK YOU-MA'AM. It was like you were describing a 2 minute porn video made from clips of 10 movies. Take your time with the sex, building the tension and then describe the action in detail.
Very good story. Please keep on writing more stories like this one.
Not a fan of incest stories , but this was well done as far as erotics go.
the Ct. Yankee
Hot mom and stud son fucking on vacation! You just can't mess a story up with these parameters. Well written and a good storyline. I do think eating her pussy while he was holding her upside down was a bit much, but enjoyable. The only thing I was thinking when I was reading that part was, "If he drops her on her head, she would probably break her neck." A vivid scene though. Other than blowing the pilot, which I didn't think the story needed, everything was very good. Thanks...........Rich
I enjoyed reading this story & I can't wait to read more of your stories.
Very nice overall, though I think you'd be wise to consider some of the other comments here.
May I make one suggestion? You have a tendency to slip randomly between past and present tense. Very distracting. You need to decide what tense you want to use and stick with it, only varying when there's a good reason for it, which probably won't be often.
A lot of nitpicking here which I would ignore, but mother son incest while not publicly approved of is about a mother and son's love which is only enhanced in a sexual relationship to a point of the most burning love 2 humans are capable of. Bring in a 3rd party such as the pilot for a BJ just fizzles the whole thing for me. Even you must have felt that is wasn't right when the son didn't want to share his mom with the cabby. Making your mother the older woman feel desired and hot is one thing, actually allowing it to happen with others ruins it. Just my opinion.
you brought in the pilot.
And, if you had ever flown a small plane you would know that scene was impossible. Not to mention unsafe.
extra characters unneeded or under used.
Incest is fine, Don't like it? Do not read it.
another beautiful middle ager, can happen. Avoiding the 42 FF is good.
Things could have developed a bit more fully. Don't need a novel this isn't high end literature.
you had him get a glimpse of her bushthen in the dinner table but you say her shaved pussy and then you say if we can shave eachother just stay with one or the other please nd the pilot and other characters waste the sensual effect produced by the dinner and dance
it bothers me to see how freely people use the insulting word cunt that as soon as i see it i dump the selection. only mediocre writers are using them for lack of imagination.