All Comments on 'Mum Falls in Love Ch. 01'

your character's dialogs really need to be looked at and given some more thought. one character would say a whole paragraph with many different statements and questions and then the other character would do the same none of it felt natural it felt like they were giving soliloquies in a play (which if that was what you were going for good job, but give us a warning please). then the word choices you made for these characters felt a little unnatural and stiff. Instead of feeling like an interaction between a mother and child it felt more akin to a business meeting between two pompous executives trying to sound smart.

the easiest way you can fix this in future works is after you finish the piece take a break, come back later, reread it and ask yourself "does this sound like humans or robots? Am i making this sound like a crumby Shakespearean knockoff or my own work?" doing this can also help you edit other minor mistakes

Got as far as Mum's initial explanation of things, and hung it up. She's been 20 years without a man (only women) and - suddenly - she's desperate for her son? Give me a friggin' break!

DON'T WORRY, THERES A REASON PEOPLE ON HERE REMAIN ANON'S. SO THEY CAN LEAVE DEMEANING COMMENTS. THEY DON'T HAVE THE IQ TO SAY ANYTHING POSITIVE, LIKE YOUR STORY. IT WAS EXCELLENT! NOT READ ANOTHER ONE LIKE IT! THANK YOU!

I loved the story from beginning to the end, I would love to see more on this story.

You definitely need to keep up with this series they has lots of potential lots and lots.

For the read.

The story is hot and very sexy. Please keep going. I would have loved a nympho mommy and a few Nympho aunts

One ask 5 different questions that pertains to different things and then the other would respond almost robotic like. Very unnatural flow of a conversation.

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The first part of this story sounded alright but it was all too unnatural. Not a good incest scenario.

As many others said, the dialogue was robotic. You really need to work on this. I suggest u upload any stories until u get the hang of writing a decent story because the whole plot was terrible

I don't know what you were smoking when you wrote this but it is all over the place like a mad woman's shit. The permise is fine but it falls apart between what is happening in your mind and putting it on paper (figuratively speaking).

I've noticed this slopiness in some of your other work but this one is beyond being readable.

Please rewrite it while you are sober. It probably wouldn't hurt to undertake a creative writing course before you do that, however, as your sentence structure is crap.

If you can't do your editing yourself, try asking one of the Literotica members who offer that service, to help you. It is doubtful, though, that they will touch it before you first do the bulk of the work, yourself. After all, it's not the editor's job to do a full rewrite.

I think you had a good idea that you needed to flesh out more. The whole story seemed rushed. Take your time. This story needed several pages and/or chapters. All in all, a good start. Keep working on it.

I liked it and look forward to reading about anal and fisting with the other older women.

Reading your story gave me a headache. Time for different author.

You write too fast and skip the details that were needed to make it a

readable story.

Sadly, it all seemed like a lot of rambling and very hard to follow. Although the story might be good it seriously needs a rewrite.

I couldn’t finish it. Sorry. The writting was just to mechanical, and lacked depth.

Aaarrrggg.Most of your stories are good.This one reads like a robot wrote it in 2 minutes.No feeling or emotion.Please try again.