All Comments on 'Mum's Friends Ch. 01'

You need to learn contractions and create a more dynamic conversation. You can't say... I am looking for sex. I am 23. I am ready...

I'm 23, looking for some rough sex, and I think I'd be willing and able for you. What do you look for?

Reply: Hey Mr. Smith, I love what you wrote, maybe we can hook up some time, I'm really looking forward to seeing you, maybe tomorrow would work for you?

I felt like a robot wrote this.

The whole story seemed rushed, as if you were over excited at the thought of getting it published. While the basic premise was OK, not really my thing, you let yourself down yome and again I'm afraid

***Thanks for the read.

The dialogue between mom and son wasn't quite right. It seemed stilted and rambled too much. Try having someone read the dialogue with you out loud, each reading a character's part. I think you will find you will both find improvements.