Murder Mystery Weekend Pt. 01

I didn't understand at all, but I nodded as if I did. Teresa was watching me closely - did I mention that she was very bright?

"We aren't going to be getting back together this weekend, Colin. I'm going to be very busy running the game, for one thing. And then there's Lena to look after - she won't know anybody else but me, at first. You could help me out there - be nice to her."

"I want you to make this long weekend about you. Have fun. Solve the puzzles. Don't spend your time flirting with me, or going out of your way to be helpful. You don't have to try to impress me. I want you to just relax and enjoy yourself."

"Flirt with the other women. Sleep with them." Teresa saw the look of surprise in my eyes. "I mean it, Colin. We've always been frank with each other on that subject. I don't want you to think about me romantically this weekend. Get drunk, if you want. Have a fling. Flings."

- "This is one of the weirdest conversations I've ever had." I said.

Teresa took me by the hand. "Colin, please. This is very important to me: tell me that you understand."

- "I do. I get it." I told her.

And I did understand. If I was busy chasing Teresa all weekend, trying to get back together with her, it would interfere with her running the murder mystery. It would also leave me frustrated; she was making it clear.

But I did say that I was an optimist. I understood something else very clearly: Teresa said that we weren't 'going to be getting back together this weekend'. She also said that she didn't want me to 'think about her romantically this weekend'.

Those were her exact words.

Why would she specifically say 'this weekend'? Not once, but twice. She could have said that there was no chance of us getting back together, ever. Period. But she didn't.

Which meant that there was hope for us yet.

We parted with a hug, and a kiss on the cheek. Then I went on my way. I waited until she was out of sight before I started to smile.

**************

I offered to show Craig a good place to get costumes. But I had to practically threaten Eric to get him to show up. The three of us went to the Lido, the costume supplier for several downtown theatres.

Some guys would roll their eyes at the thought of going into such a place. But Craig and Eric were pleasantly surprised. First of all, the place was immense, with an incredible selection. Second, the mannequins on display looked fantastic. There was a roman centurion, a renaissance courtier ... And third, most of the costumes were real. Not cheap plastic, not imitation, but real, quality cloth.

Craig was impressed by a Captain Morgan outfit, but wouldn't rent it.

- "That looks too fancy. I think I'm just a common sailor." He settled on an oversized, brightly coloured, striped shirt. It looked like a rugby jersey, to me, except that it had laces at the throat. He liked the look of a polka-dotted headscarf, too.

We found him some black boots made out of soft leather, and a wide sash to wear around his waist. Black pants that he could tuck into his boots completed the outfit.

- "I like the sash. Good for tucking a knife in, or hiding your driver's licence." I told him.

- "Should I get an eye patch?" he wondered.

Just then Eric came around the corner, with a bundle of clothing over his arm. He was wearing two eye patches - one over each eye.

- "Where are you guys? Ahoy, mateys!" he called.

Craig and I exchanged a look.

- "Maybe not." he said.

Eric fell in love with a dark grey thing that looked like a vest. It was long enough to reach below his knees. It might have been appropriate if we were doing a samurai murder mystery.

But he had found a pair of boots from the Three Musketeers era, and a huge tricorne hat. I left Craig to help him find a shirt and pants, and wandered off to find my own costume.

Some people would hesitate to spend $200 - or even $100 - on a costume. I'm not one of them. I've lost count of how many times I've spent that much on a fancy restaurant meal, or a sports event, or concert tickets. Some of those outings were memorable, others not so much. But a really cool costume can create a memory that will last a lifetime.

I found what I wanted: a black coat with silver trim and enormous cuffs, a soft tricorne hat, soft black boots, and a wide black belt with an ornate silver buckle. Add a large white shirt with a high collar and black knee-breeches, and I was good to go.

Perhaps a bit too splendid for Ned Mulligan, you might say. Too bad. Let the others think that I was some sort of gentleman pirate. A little deception can go a long way. Besides, when I tried it on, it felt remarkably good. And a glance in the mirror confirmed that it looked great, too.

Eric had somehow found a scruffy grey beard.

- "Doesn't this look awesome?" he asked me.

- "It looks itchy." said Craig.

- "How can you put a price on art?" retorted Eric. It made no sense, of course, but he never let that hold him back.

- "You look like Captain Child Molester." I told him.

- "Precisely!" he roared. "I'll take it!"

I took them out for beer and wings afterwards. Craig turned out to be a decent guy, as I had anticipated. He found Eric funny, and we had a few laughs.

My next excursion to the Lido was even more interesting. Leo wanted my help getting a costume. He also insisted that we go with his sister Claire, and Eliza, even though the two of them were more than capable of shopping for costumes by themselves. I had promised Teresa, so off I went.

Leo has been a close friend since high school. We know just about everything there is to know about each other, with two glaring exceptions.

We have acted as each other's wingman on a hundred occasions. My buddy Leo is outgoing, dresses well, and exudes confidence. He is utterly fearless, and will approach the best-looking woman in the place. Bar, club, party, any social situation whatsoever - it makes no difference. And he strikes out every single time.

You see, Leo is 5' 5", has the body of Pee Wee Herman, and a face that only a mother could love. Yet when he looks in the mirror, Leo sees something completely different. Believe me, I've tried to tell him. I have suggested that he adjust his sights, and try to hit on the second best-looking woman he sees. I've tried to set him up with a less glamorous girl, or find him someone 'in his league', so to speak. No dice. He rejected all of my suggestions - they weren't good enough for him.

The odd thing is, Leo has had a crush on Eliza since we were in high school. Eliza is his sister's best friend. And she's about the farthest thing from the type of woman he usually pursues as you could possibly imagine.

Eliza is tiny. She might be 5' 1'', as she claims, but I doubt it. She has straw-coloured hair and cute freckles. In my opinion, Eliza is quite pretty when she smiles (which she does a lot). She may be small, with no ass or hips to speak of, but she proudly carries a sizeable chest. Her boobs are probably not that large, but on her diminutive frame, they look huge. I've always thought of a pigeon when I see her in profile.

She's a wonderful girl, and a good friend. We all called her "Ee". I just can't understand how Leo could obsess over her for a decade without approaching her once, while he has no hesitation at all when it comes to supermodels. I've never told him to give up his illusions.

The other thing I've never told Leo is that I would love to fuck his sister.

Claire is not the brightest bulb in the package, if you get my drift. Sometimes, you open the fridge door, and the light doesn't come on. She also has an annoying nasal laugh, that sounds a bit like the neighing of a horse. To top it all off, Claire has a sizeable gap between her front teeth.

But Claire has long, dark hair, and a cute face, even with the gap in her teeth. And she has a body that would make a bishop horny. High, pert breasts - I think they're 34Bs - a slim waist, swelling hips, and an ass like an apricot. Round, tight, and juicy sweet. She dresses well, like her brother, and when she doesn't overdo the make-up, Claire looks quite good.

She has given me signs, over the years, that she was interested. There was a party, one time, when we were dancing. I can't forget the song: it was 'Love is the Drug', by Roxy Music. In my defence, it's a damn sexy song. Watching Claire sway to the music was mesmerizing. When she turned around and began flexing that shapely little ass, I was lost.

We ended up on the couch, with her sitting on my lap. The lights were low, and we necked for a while, with a little groping. Then we heard Leo coming down the stairs, and leapt apart as if someone had thrown a bucket of ice-cold water on us.

I didn't want to date Claire, and I don't believe that she was interested in a relationship either. Neither of us wanted to deal with her protective brother. We were a bit wary around each other after that. But there was no denying that the sexual chemistry had been there.

I met the three of them downtown. We exchanged hugs and greetings.

- "Ee," I said, "it's really nice of you to host us all for the long weekend."

- "Are you kidding?" she replied. "You guys are doing me a favour. I can't close the cottage by myself. As for the murder mystery, Teresa is doing all of the work."

- "It's going to be so much fun!" enthused Claire. Was she looking at me when she said that?

- "Epic." said Leo. "C'mon, wingman - let's get this show on the road."

It was fun. Leo found his costume quickly, because he knew exactly what he wanted: Jack Sparrow. I tried to talk him out of it, but for once, Leo was right. He looked like Johnny Depp's shorter and uglier brother, but he did bear a bit of a resemblance to Keith Richards. He also insisted on every accessory he could find, stuck in his belt, tucked into his sash, or somehow dangling from his coat. He looked like some kind of pirate Christmas tree.

The overall effect was quite comical, but the more I looked at it, the more I began to think that it might work. The girls laughed, of course. But then Eliza said: "You look great!". Leo turned to me with a look of pure triumph, and preened like a peacock.

With his gear stowed away, we could then turn to a more enjoyable pastime: watching the two girls try on costumes. Eliza didn't think she could pull off a pirate, and they didn't have much in her size anyway. But then she had an idea.

- "What if I went as a tavern wench? A tempting trollop, or something like that?"

- "A tempting trollop?" I echoed. "Did you just say that?"

- "Shut up Colin. You know what I meant." She punched my arm playfully.

Eliza tried on a couple of costumes, each of which featured low-cut tops. I'm not ashamed to say that Leo and I both stood up to get a better view.

She found a pair of high-heeled leather boots, and a brightly-patterned skirt, with a fluffy petticoat. Then she uncovered a broad leather belt, and a supple leather vest. It was probably a couple of sizes too big for her, but she needed room for her oversize chest, and the belt held it all together. The piece de resistance, though, was the frilly white shirt. It left her shoulders bare, and revealed a considerable expanse of her bosom.

Leo and I were too afraid to say anything. She looked ... scorching hot. Did I mention that costumes were an aphrodisiac? If this had really been the 17th century, I would have wanted to take her into a back room, bend her over, flip up her skirts, and fuck her from behind like a madman. Forget the 17th century - I wanted to do that now. I glanced at Leo. From the look on his face, he was having similar thoughts.

Claire saved us. "Oh, Ee - that's it. That one." Her neighing laugh broke the spell. The girls went for a closer look in a mirror.

"Ho-ly shit." whispered Leo.

- "Amen, brother." I whispered back.

Luckily for me, Eliza kept her provocative costume on while Claire continued to go in and out of the change room. Lucky, because Leo's attention was occupied while his sister put on a show. And what a show. The little minx kept trying on more and more revealing combinations.

Claire found a scarlet head scarf, and a huge pair of hoop earrings. She really liked a dark red skirt with black trim, and liked it even better when she pulled up one side and tucked it into her little belt. This revealed one leg to the knee, but the other leg was uncovered to mid-thigh. If you're old enough to remember Cyd Charisse, you can imagine what Claire looked like.

She added a little black bustier with laces that looked like crossed bones, attached to skull-shaped buttons. She found another shirt like Eliza's, with short, puffy sleeves, that left her shoulders and upper chest bare. She wasn't showing much cleavage, but the little bustier lifted her boobs and thrust them forward. That's when I noticed the magic of the shirt she wore. It did nothing to hide her breasts. Instead, it simply accentuated their shape.

Claire looked incredible. Just looking at her made me think of sex. I would have to rethink my costume, if I was going to have an erection most of the weekend.

- "Jesus, Claire!" said her brother. "How much skin you gonna show?"

She struck a pose, with one hand on her hip. "I didn't hear you complain about Ee's costume." she said.

Eliza and I moved a bit further away, to let the siblings have one of their traditional arguments.

- "Is this too revealing? What do you think, Colin?" Eliza asked me, indicating her costume.

- "Ee, you look fantastic." I answered. "Very, very sexy. A tempting trollop indeed."

- "What about you? What are you going to get?"

- "Already did." I told her. "It's at home."

- "Aww." she said. "You get to see ours, but we don't get to see yours?"

- "You will."

If Eliza and Claire were going to look like this, I could only imagine what the four other women would be wearing. I was going to be rock hard the whole weekend.

*************

The days crawled by. I saw just about everybody on the list in September, individually or in small groups. But it proved impossible to find an occasion when all 11 of us were free.

Finally, Thanksgiving weekend loomed. Leo and I both skipped off that Friday. We packed our overnight bags and the costumes in the backseat, along with some food supplies Teresa had asked us to pick up.

Then we went shopping for the booze. Everybody had given us their requests. We got six cases of beer (two-fours, in Canadian slang), and three cases of wine. I wasn't sure that we had enough wine. Then we added a case of liquor. Most of it was rum, or flavoured rum, but there was also vodka, tequila, scotch, and even a bottle of peppermint schnapps (Leo was on a schnapps kick).

- "Schnapps?" I asked him. "For pirates?"

- "It won't go to waste." he said. "Just imagine that we're sailing past some German island."

As you can probably guess, geography and history weren't Leo's strong suits.

- "You psyched?" he asked me.

- "Just a little." I admitted.

While he was rearranging things in the backseat, I saw that Leo had packed a box of 12 condoms in his overnight bag.

- "Somebody's optimistic." I commented.

- "Hey - Be Prepared. That's my motto."

- "You have about 100 mottos, Leo." I said.

- "You can never have enough mottos." he replied.

- "That's 101."

I didn't kid him too much about the condoms. After all, I had packed a dozen of my own. I was hoping for an epic weekend, too.