All Comments on 'My Boner Turns Me Invisible Ch. 02'

It's kinda weird he has to take his clothes off everytime. The story is good and even has a little comedy in it too. He'll say whatever comes to his mind won't he?

Keep up the good work.

At some point he should be able to substitute his cock for , oh, a dildo his mother is using, a fist a sister is using, the real thing during his sisters dream. Something like that. But, who hasn't dreamed of being invisible in the girls shower, or watching his mother in the bath??

Nice.

This series began good but you lost all realism in this story. Too make a good story you need a little realism. Now you have only fantasies here and that makes the story bad.

I have actually already written 5 chapters and a sequel to this series (Which you can find else where) The point is that the next chapter is complete and better and I think it's too late to change anything.

Goes ebonics "peeping on"

maybe the writer here should go to the school his subject is always skipping. Maybe an English class or two, or maybe just read what he has down, then read almost any other story and compare. Please go back to school.................................

Who cares about realism, I want realism I'll go to the local library.

This is some seriously bad writing.

I don't know if i can make it all the way thru this. Issues started with stuff like this:

--Suddenly she slapped me and ran off. She was biting her lip, sort of turned on and flattered.--

To which I ask, if she ran off. How are you able to see her biting her lip. Much less this 18 yo virgin is somehow able to know lip biting so well that he knows she's turned on. It's not like he has finally made friends with a female who could tell him or anything.

Then the logical inconsistencies. Every time he's turned invisible it's been body only. You've done an admirable job of making sure to note that he has to hide his clothes. (Though curiously this means he has to run naked to fetch his clothing afterwards. But I chalk that up to: He doesn't insta return after ejaculating. You hinted at that) The problem is when he goes to fight a dude he somehow manages to a) maintain an erection when fighitng a guy and b) the guy can't see him. That means you skipped the scene where he got naked in front of a guy, or he can not disappear his clothes. There's no right answer for this.

The 18yo virgin who had a shystammer is now asking out twins.. and honestly what was the goal of asking to bang the twins. Why not have him ask them out normally. He's not trying to maintain rage or something. He didn't NEED to make them hate him. Hate doesn't make your horny. The twin could still have been a giant dick to him but right now I feel like he's the bigger tool.

Melody comes over to his house one time and she knows how long he's gonna be in the bathroom? That doesn't make sense. It's not like he walked in and turned on the shower (not that a shower would make sense at that point in time anywa) because at least that would give her a reason to suspect he's gonna be a while.

Who the heck is Jenkins? Did anyone else notice he was never introduced? Can I get a sentence, 4 words? something. Jenkins, my only friend, was already there.

I wasn't sure how new this series was GoT was popular long before the TV show but WD clinches it. Next suggestion reduce pop culture references. I get it, he's a geek. Putting these types of references hurts the longevity of your story. Imagine reading a story that mentions Transformers and Megan Fox. You get the reference but it feels just a bit old now.

The 'no homo' line was odd. It would make sense for him to say 'no homo' if he was naked sitting on top of Tony (because he should be.. he's invisible) but he isn't. He never had time to remove his clothing, he was talking to Tony and then fighting.

Hilariously enough the "Bonus" scene was actually some of the best writing you've done so far. It was fairly consistent. There were no giant logic wholes. There were no stupid dialogue moments like shouting about how you're going to bone a girl WHILE fighting her boyfriend. It was good.

- RW

P.S. The error in the last paragraph was intentionally to give a sense of how jarring and wrong it feels when the grammar isn't correct.

Please log in to gripe your complaints and stop being know it all coqards.

I admit there are quite a few grammar mistakes and the story is a bit too ridiculously delivered. Although the over ridiculousness was somewhat intended as a light attempt at satirizing porn. More to the point this is a very young story of mine that I am continuing to write and it is getting better with every chapter. I hope that you can take some joy from what I have written and continue to read "My Boner" as it grows to new lengths. (Pun intended)

disjointed does not really seem to flow

My skills have improved drastically as I've written the series. The more you read the more you will see it really does get better. I'm on the fifth installment and the characters are coming out more vibrant than I originally thought possible. The stories are well rounded and my style has taken on new genres coming into the mix. I hope you all can read what I'm writing now.

bonus story at the end

hilarious

To the guy who asked why the protagonist asks to fuck the twins and is a "tool" because of it/asks why can't he just ask them out normally?

I'm a girl and I just want to say asking to fuck a girl is much better than asking her out (if your actual goal is to fuck her). We can see right through you anyway; might as well be honest or you'll get rejected for being a lying scheming loser :)

Sounds like an 8th grader wrote this story.

Excellent slapstick, like a XXX Napoleon Dynamite.