All Comments on 'My Brother's Bestfriend, Tyler. Ch. 01'

Dan you're good!

I thin you should make this into a multi-part story.

Uploaded and waiting for it to get published!!

Very nice, i enjoyed.

A brown belt doesn't go with black slacks. The story was good though.

That story was fucking amazing. I hope you write many more parts to this!!!!

Awfully good for a first postable effort. I hope you have a follow-up coming soon, Katie deserves it.... and Brad should get to kick Kyle's ass!

Since you asked, constructive criticism: work on keeping a consistent tense. You jumped from past tense (rubbed) to current tense (moan) in the same set of actions. Current tense throughout would be good if she's fantasizing, but you have Katie recounting the night before... so use past tense (moaned, or 'was moaning') throughout. Other than that, you did great! Be proud and write more!

This is great for a first story. Now you need chapter 2: Further adventures of Tyler and Katie, and maybe Tyler's blond hair also grows on his chest (sexy sight)!

Exceptionally good first effort. Pls consider a series, characters interesting, well worth further development.

Enjoyed reading the story! Kinda felt it could have been a real life experience! Would suggest a re-read of your stories or have another read it for you. Looking forward to Part 2 when it posts.

I need a Tyler in my life!

Read then skimmed. While taking charge of a woman (after 18 she is a woman) is fun and allows me to see what she is willing and what she dislikes. Then allow her to do the same, maybe doing things we both like deepens the enjoyment.