by LoveAE
great story so far, it nice to see a back story as to why they are so close and its not just another boy meets girl and they shag story, can't wait for next chapter
So far, so good. Nice to read one that has some background info instead of them dropping to the floor and going at it. I'll look for the next installment.
Wonderful beginning... can't wait to see where you take this... Has Many possibilities....
don't think you can 'develop' characters much slower...let's pick up the pace! We don't want wbtym, but there's a happy medium in there...
Try again
Marvin
Well spaced, no typos, good grammar, interesting characters. I can see why some say its slow but nothing is more ridiculous than those stories where they fall in the sack with no thought of consequences, or thought at all! Looking forward to the next part.
Love the story so far, keep the character story coming. Cant wait to see what happens next.
Hi there; I guess you know there's a long queue waiting for Chapter 2.
it seems that when she started pulling his swim trunks off he would get pissed and avoid her not keep playing. to me it wuld end all the games for that year and it would take time for him to forgive her. this was just to rushed and unrealistic to me.
Great story.
Love that you used an editor, AND acknowledged him. I only noticed one typo ("Her head titled to the side"), so it seems he did a good job. My thanks to you and GentWithHandcuffs.
Disagree with anonymous about it being not very realistic - different kids react differently, and if he didn't think she had much chance of getting his pants down, and was otherwise quite close to her he could well react as he did, especially considering the competitive aspect of their relationship, and the fact that he was older than her. Additionally, their (apparently pre-pubescent) age at this point is not clear, giving more room for this reponse to be likely.
What is a little less realistic is that he would be so naive as to not realise that Valerie's teasing was sexual, and not just cousinly - after all she continued, and even increased the physical flirtation on the couch after realising she had given him a hard on. Mind you, preconceptions and moral taboos do tend to increase naivety.
So gives a fuck if you like being a pansy ass, please label yourself as a world class pussy so others can avoid your shit. You are almost as pathetic as those cuckold authors. Which is really sad as you do have talent. But what guy in his right mind let's a girl, or even his own libido rule him like this?