All Comments on 'My Dark Angel Ch. 02'

Much better. Can't wait for more!

More please. Great story.

Hey, you asked for advice so here you go...I like it but I feel like you are vascilating between two identities for James. You say that this is his first kiss and his cheeks flush giving an air of innocence or at least someone new to feelings for a man. Then there is the forward part of him (I know you said the blood would make him aroused and maybe that would account for the forcefulness of pushing him onto the floor and controlling some of the kissing). I think that he wouldn't have had the guts to tell a guy he wanted to kiss him when he first met him and nibble on his ear in a class filled with students. I think you should try to pick one identity and work on making it consistent. You can make him take the lead but maybe act like he hesitates and is encouraged to do more.

I also have to wonder if he could deep throat the first time he gives head. Aside from that, I like their chemistry. I hope they start getting to know each other. I also think that James would be very curious and ask questions. The part with him biting through his neck, that would take alot of pressure and would hurt, I think that he'd have had to be encouraged to do that. Maybe a simple 'I want you to taste me too.'

One last thing is that you should probably do longer paragraphs. A paragraph is 4-5 sentences minimum. A new paragraph is started if you change speakers when quoting them.

good luck and keep writing. I look forward to getting to know them more. I can't wait to have them get to know one another and see how things go.

cannd

this would be a great story , but i find it lacking in some parts. editor editor editor...

ive lost intrest in this story

how would you suggest that i could improve my story. i am open to criticism and would like to see your point of view to see what it is about my story that you find it is lacking in.

for you own info, tauger, I think hotlover69 used to go by another name here at Lit and is the revamped reincarnation of the infamous dinkyboots.

and i care why?

Like the story. Plot seems great but not enough talking is going on. James is sexually innocent then begins acting more dominant (when he is the younger and weaker partner in this brand new relationship) is very unusual even in a story.

And I agree with writer, who cares who hotlover69 was once, They could have offerd help but instead chose to be an ass and something stupid and nasty like i've lost interest. That was just rude.

I really want to be james

I want to be James too !! This is one HOT chapter and from the moment Louis got to James's home till the time they showered, it was one delicious moment after another. So sizzling hot it takes one's breath away.

Fuuuuck ! They are two awesome, sexy males !

Loving it !!

I am enjoying reading is, although I think it could use a little more depth I can see you have tried very hard to configure your plot together and the thoughtfulness is there. Keep writing ^-^