All Comments on 'My Daugherter and Me'

Rather than just complaining about the story, how about a bit of constructive criticism for a change. The main problem that I have with the story isn't so much the plotting, but the dialogue. It's so stilted and formal sounding that it doesn't sound natural unless you're British aristocracy. Too many declarative sentences.

If you look at the encounter between daddy and daughter in the beginning of the story, the daughter is all "I want this!" and "I want that!", then "You'll do this!", and "You'll do that, because I'm horny and need a few orgasms!"

Normal people just don't talk that way.

Maybe you could have had it go something like this...

"Sorry for barging in on you when you're naked, daddy, but I just couldn't hold it any longer," she said. Standing there stunned by her sudden appearance, I didn't realize how exposed I was until she continued, "My, that's quite a cock you've got, daddy, and with such a long and lovely foreskin, too! No, don't be embarrassed, daddy! I don't think I've ever seen one so long before. God, it's making me horny just looking at it. Mind if I suck it, daddy? Please? Do you like my hairy bush? You could bury your nose in it and lick my pissy pussy dry, then make it all wet and dipping again. Would you like that, daddy? If I suck your nice hard cock, would you eat me out until I cum in your mouth? I want us to do it, daddy. Your cock is turning me on so much, I need to get off. Please, daddy?"

Later you have the wife saying, "Oh my God husband...". Who refers to their spouse as "husband" or "wife"? That may work for Jane Austin, but, here, it's just too formal, which is off-putting in an erotic story.

The dialogue keeps slipping back and forth between being vulgar and all too-stilted. It just makes it hard to read and doesn't sound real.

Story kinda sucks but reminded me of my dads long , rubbery foreskin. Had to have been close to an inch of overhang even when he was hard.