All Comments on 'My Evolving Sexuality Ch. 01'
by lrhustler
- 4 Comments
Anonymousover 6 years agoI liked your story . Looking forward to reading more about your journey
Tigerladyandhimover 6 years agoWell written and I look forward to the next instalment
Anonymousover 6 years agoYou've set the story up beautifully. The characters are interesting and this doesn't seem to be the usual reluctance/nonconsent story. The only downside is editing. It's jarring and breaks the flow of the story when you have an incorrect word in a sentence. 4 stars.
Sweetkittenbjover 6 years agoThis has the potential to be a great story except for two things:
1. You change tenses constantly throughout the story. As Anon said, this jarring and it disrupts the flow of the story.
2. Word usage. As Anon also pointed out, you use the wrong word periodically, most often with verb tenses.
I'd strongly urge you to get an editor who's first language is English, or someone who has a decent command of the language.
I would have liked to see more action at the beach, but this is a good start.
