by LesbianAndProud
Not only does it sound like an adolescent boy's fantasy, but also an adolescent boy who is just starting to learn English. Please write your stories in your own language and have someone else translate them.
Too much descriptive visuals but absolutely no story. The writing is clumsy and frankly reads like an adolescent attempt at fiction. This was a waste of your time writing it, and my time reading it. Pathetic.