All Comments on 'My First Rendezvous with Lisa'

This is a great story concept with subject matter not often explored on this site.

That said, why is it written in first person? By doing so, the reader is completely removed from the action and essentially reduced an observer/listener rather than having the potential of being a participant?

Consider the following passage taken directly from this story and written in first person:

"I pumped gout after gout of cum directly into your curled toes as you swabbed your other set of toes in and out of my mouth. Your knuckles whitened as you finished yourself and began to climax with me there on the stairs."

Now consider the passage edited to the third person:

He pumped gout after gout of cum directly onto her curled toes as she swabbed her other set of toes in and out of his mouth. Her knuckles whitened as she finished herself and began to climax with him there on the stairs.

Which gives the reader the feeling that he/she has the potential of being a participant in the action? The original passage is about two specific people. The second is about anyone who wants to be in the situation.

This is not to say that erotic stories should not ever be written in first person. Some stories are best told that way, but first person definitely has the potential of being less enjoyable for the reader who might want to visualize themselves in a similar situation.

Just a thought...

Again, great subject matter.

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Like I said in the author's note, this was written in this way at the request of someone else; it's certainly not my usual style.

Believe me, I agree with all your critical points. In months to come, I'll posting my more conventional fiction. This was fast, loose, and an experiment.