by Jenny1965
A little short but a great first attempt at an erotic story - I'll read more if you post thrm
I noticed some grammatical errors, like "were" instead of "was" or "am".
Pardon my partial bluntness, but I judge an erotica story, in part, by whether or not it "excites me". This didn't, but it has a lot of potential. You have the ingredients for something great.
It is a bit short, but for the sake of clarity, the solution, in my opinion, is to explore the events in greater detail.
I gave it 3 stars, and in spite of everything, I did enjoy reading it. I hope my comment has been helpful.
Your story came alive as if this really happened to you! Good job!!