My Gun, The Sun

all characters are over 18. all characters are smokin' hot.

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I was busy writing by the time she got home. I hadn't even heard her enter the room, but apparently she had. There was deep house pouring from my speakers and I was lost in it. Lost in a thought manifest as phrase. Digital symbols, text. The form it craved.

When I write, my inner dialogue suspends, and the machine itself becomes my language. It speaks what I can't hold onto anymore.

And that morning, I had woken up knowing I wanted to die.

I had a perfect day. The perfect last kind of day.

There was a song playing. I don't know where I was in thought, in phrase. But she had apparently been standing there a while, watching me.

She spoke my name a few times, but I didn't respond. I couldn't hear her, somewhere in my head.

She came up to me and put her hand on my shoulder.

I jumped, heart skipping a beat.

"Fuck!" I yelled.

She laughed.

"You're very jumpy today brother. I didn't mean to scare you."

She sounded like a goddess. And maybe she was. I had been thinking about her all day. For tonight, the last time I'd get to see her.

I sighed. "Wow. No. It's okay. I just didn't know when you were getting home."

"What you listening to?"

"One of my favorite songs..."

"I've never heard you play it before."

"Care to stay?"

"Yeah I think I might. I'll be-ar-be."

"Okay."

She walked out of the room. I stared at the way she walked.

Like I always have, and blushed.

I don't quite remember when she came back, but I turned at some point and she was sitting on the rug with a book in hand, pressed up against the pillows of the wall.

She saw motion and looked up at me. Smiled.

"What are you writing about?" she asked.

"Death." I said. "Always death."

"You never let me read anything your write."

"Well do you want to read this one?"

"Hmmm.. depends. What is it really about?"

"You want me to just tell you? It kinda spoils it."

"Tell me."

"It's a suicide letter."

She froze. "Wait.. yours?"

I remained silent.

"Fuck, are you serious? Don't joke around with this."

I smiled. "What if I did tell you yes."

"Then- I'd want to talk about it!"

She closed her book. And only looked at me. There was a fearful compassion in her eyes.

"I think I do too."

"Then let's talk..."

"Can we go for a walk?"

"Yeah, anywhere. Just... I had no idea."

"It's okay. Get dressed. I will too."

We were both in our pajamas by now and it was pretty cold outside.

31°F

After we got dressed we headed on out. She waited for me to speak. I did. She had a lot to say. She was kind. She listened.

She validated my fears, but gave me hope.

We walked for hours until she got too cold and asked if we could return. I didn't want to make her any more uncomfortable than I already had, so I said it was okay.

I would've said yes anyways.

When we got back home, we just kind of wandered in silence, putting our jackets away.

I got a glass of milk. Made her some hot chocolate and brought it to her room where she was preparing for bed.

The clock on her side table said 3:23 AM.

"Here you are."

She smiled. "I already brushed my teeth."

"Ha. Silly me. I should of thought of that."

"No it's okay. Here, I'll still drink it."

I sat on her bed, watching her sip. I think I wore her out.

"Hey..."

"Yeah?" she asked.

"Can I stay with you tonight?"

"Wait, you mean in my bed?"

"Yeah."

The song was still playing in my head.

"Uh. I guess. What will you wear?"

"My pajamas."

"Okay. I'll be here."

"Thank you." I said it slowly as I left. She is too kind, and I meant it.

I didn't want to scare her any longer.

When I got back she was waiting in bed. She opened the sheets for me and I climbed in.

We joked, laughed, talked about our childhoods. Our games, our stories.

At some point I think we both fell asleep. I would wake, overheated, flustered.

She was lightly snoring.

I was sweaty, yes, but I was also alone. I leaned over to her and held her. She didn't wake but she held me back.

I fell asleep again. She woke me up this time. She must've budged me since I didn't hear anything.

"Wha? What is it?"

She was looking right at me in the dark. I was holding her tightly.

We were both covered in sweat, under the big blankets.

"It's too hot, I need some water" she quietly said, so sweetly.

She got up. The bed was wetter than I could've thought.

She came back finishing the first few gulps of a cup and handing it to me. I drank the rest of it.

"It's too hot in here." she told me.

"Open your windows?"

"It's freezing out!"

I laughed. "Either that, or we use less blankets."

"Or less of something else." Do you mind? She motioned to her night shirt.

"As long as you don't."

She took of the nightshirt, and did crack open the windows a bit.

The cold air suspended in the room, the house, breathing.

She climbed back in and I put my hand on her belly, pulling her closer.

She responded easily to my motion and was in my arms. There was a silence.

I traced my hand upward, between her breasts to her neck. I put my hand around it, and caressed it.

She breathed in.

"Why did you take your shirt off if you were going to open the window?" I asked.

She didn't say anything.

"I told you I was hot..."

"What kind?" I whispered in her ear as I traced my hand across her left breast.

She breathed in.

I then cupped it with a slight vigor.

She breathed in. Deep.

I bagan to lick her ear.

Her hands were immediately all over me.

We were stripping each other clean, hands in places they never explored. Tongues in places they always wanted to belong- in anyone.

It just so happened to be us tonight.

She climbed on top of me, and both our hands went down to my sex. It was going to happen and we both knew it. Our bodies weren't to be stopped.

I don't think either of us paused.

And it happened.

I was inside of her, she, surfeit with me. My sex. Ours. Churning, passionately killing time.

Killing the barriers we were brought up around And slave to.

This was my sister. The woman I had grown up with. Teased, was teased by. Hated, and loved.

The blood of my blood.

My gun, the Sun.

My lips were all over chest and neck and face and lips. Her breathing, squealing, panting.

We fucked for hours.

Falling asleep in each others arms, waking, and fucking again. Sliding in of her body which was so already used to accepting me.

Knowing me. Wanting me. Wanting more.

I gave her everything. Anything I had.

I whispered i love you into her ears a hundred times.

She remained silent, despite her vocalizations of more more more. In so many words, gestures, breaths.

When it was all over, for it did end. I kissed her on the neck until she fell asleep.

I crawled out of bed, still nude. Dick so sore it was stuck partially erect.

I climbed outside onto the deck. Scaled the veranda onto the roof where the winds blew around me.

And with smoking gun in hand, watched the rising dawn for the very first time.