All Comments on 'My Hot Brother Ch. 01'

Enjoyed your storyline, however, you need to do a better job of proofreading or get someone to proofread it for you. There were far too many spelling and grammatical errors. These detract from the quality and higher ratings should result with more preciseness. In many instances, words were totally misused, e.g. "tock" for "took", "their" for "there", etc. Also, "airport" is one word, not two.

you definitely need an editor. this story really can't even be given a fair grade without a proper edit to the story. you should take your time in submitting your story in order to avoid (very) harsh criticism from some of the members of this site.

not bad for your first time, but there was acouple spelling errors in it. can't wait to keep reading this series.

SPELL CHECK AND PROOF READ

I know it's been said, but my dear, you desperately need an editor or at least someone to read over the story before you submit it. If you visit the Literotica forums, there are plenty who will help you out with the editing. The story was short, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but the errors made it impossible to get in to. The story itself wasn't a bad start at all, particularly for a first submission. Find yourself an editor and keep it going, and I think you'll find this story has potential. Good luck.

The story has potential. I'm looking forward to the rest of it. You need to work on the spelling. There are at least a couple of sentences that make no sense at all. Don't be upset at the criticism though. The story itself is going well.

Is this english???

What is a TOCK?

All ready

"were going to be late peaking your brother up....."

I had to read that FOUR TIMES before I figured out exactly what that was supposed to say.....

[[[[Take the suggestions, or reject them, as you wish:]]]]

<p>

Automatic Spell Checker softwares will help only clearly mis-spelled words, like "Whets that mean?" <p>

They won't be able to distinguish the difference between words like "than"/"then", "your"/"you're", "waist"/"waste", etc. <p>

However, those are almost secondary. <p>

The first thing that needs to be looked at is punctuation. It behooves those who want to be writers to know that in printed words, you must use conventional/punctuation marks [markers] to tell [help guide] people when/where one thought ends and another begins. If you're talking to someone, they see your hand gestures, mouth, eyes, audio rhythms, etc., so they are able to understand you. It is not so here..... <p>

Let me use a metaphor to convey why punctuation makrs are crucial in writing: <p>

You can drive and even drive well, any where. And you need no lane to help your driving, in your little cul-de-sac or neighborhood... <p>

But it would be total chaos, if, on a typical day [not right before or right after a holiday, because those are typically suicidal days any way, so they don't count], there are 100,000 of us, all driving down some major high way.... without any lane markers, that is... <p>

Could you imagine driving on I-5 (along a 9-lane stretch), in Southern California free, WITHOUT white/yellow lane markers? <p>

Wellwriting issortof like thatif Istart writingwithout any grammatical or punctuationmarks itiskindaof hardforpeople tofollow with the reasonbeing that writingis a different exercisethan talking butIam treatingthem liketheyare the sameAnd thatis justnottrue <p>

I invite you to look at THAI and LAO writings: they are sort of like that, without a whole lot of punctuation marks, with dozens to hundreds of characters next to each other, without breaks. And traditionally there's no periods, either [although recent developments have begun to employ them at the end of each paragraph... But, remember, those are ENTIRELY different systems of writing, derived from ancient Hindu Sanskrit writings, done for hundreds to thousands of years, so adherents are used to them without too much punctuation and other conventional marks... <p>

Let's examine a few randomly picked phrases: <p>

++++++++++++++ <p>

"Please don't do it Mike, I swear I wont do it again." <p>

It should be more like: <p>

"Please, don't do it, Mike. I swear, I won't do it again." <p>

Slap, Slap, Slap. <------ THAT'S GOOD!! :o) <p>

::::::::::::::::: <p>

You see[,] I'm about to turn 18 in two weeks and[,] for as long as I can remember[,] I always had a thing for my brother[,] Mike. Well[,] I'm exaggerating there[.] [I]t [probably started] around the age of 13[,] when I finally star[t]ed to notice boys[.] [T]he first boy I happen[ed] to notice was my brother[.] [H]e was 17, [] in his final year in high school. But the [one person] I blame for that is my friend Jessica....... <p>

+++++++++++++++++++ <p>

"It means that if you hadn't notice[d] how hot your brother is, th[e]n there must be some thing wrong with you[r] eye[s]."

so, what made ou think this was anywhere near ready to be published. If you have an editor, fire him/her. If you do not have an editor, get one. I'm trying not to be hard on you, but quite honestly, you wasted your time and now mine.

You should really proof read your material. Spelling is right just the wrong words.

...I just had to check her bio to see if there were any more stories I could try and decipher...

Incorrectly spelled words and mis-used words "board" when should be "bored" really kills the reality of a story.

Submit this story to an editor and have them look at it then re-submit it with the updates

Unfortunately, most everyone is picking out what is wrong with the story, though you definitely do need to do some serious proofreading. The creepy step-father could be the perfect antagonist, and the head-in-the-sand mother who seems oblivious to her surroundings, are good secondary characters. Please, try to develop the feelings between the brother and sister, if you choose to continue this. Don't just have them hop in the sack and fuck for the sake of fucking.

and so I will not be "TOO" hard on you, as you asked, or tried to ask, but the spelling, grammar and punctuation is scary bad. Speaking as a writer who has had a few stories sent back by literotica because of misspelled words (rightfully so - they were doing me a favor), I am absolutely stunned that this story got through, because there are so many glaring errors that I could not count them, and gave up at 30. They did you no favor by letting this go up, although it may be the holiday spirit(s) the editor was using that caused it.

Please work on your spelling in future writings, as well as basic grammar and punctuation. You will find it much more rewarding when readers can decipher what you wrote.

It was a difficult story to read as the grammar and spelling had not been corrected. Learn to know which spelling of the word you are using is correct. You begin the story with her getting spanked and then mention how you got to be in that position. However, your story ends without getting back to the beginning. Next attempt make sure that you proof read for meaning and carry through with the story line.

The story itself wasn't bad, and don't get me wrong I don't write irotic fiction myself but I do write for a wrestling roleplay board and if you submitted stuff with spelling that bad you'd be the biggest jobber on the board. That is to say you'd always lose. Proof-reading and edditing are your friends, please use them and you'll become a much better writer for it.

You seem to have no workable knowledge about spelling, tense, grammar, pacing or content. The more I read the more I thought that perhaps one of the more prolific writers here had worked his/her ass off to create something truly gawdawful.

Whoever you are, you can't write for shit. Please don't write any more until you finish the 3rd grade.

Are you trying to determine whether everyone else is as illiterate as you?

Do us all a favor or two - 1) Don't ever TRY to write again; 2) Don't brag about attending college, but if you must, don't embarrass the school by divulging its name!

(1) Learn what "SPELL CHECK" is in the word processor you use, and (2) apply that to what you attempt to deliver. The story line is significantly distorted because (a) either you do not know how to spell t0 start with, or (b) too ignorant to realize only certain words are misspelled for artistic reasons.

Try something else again ---- I'll watch for your work to see if you improve or continue to underwhelm all of Literotica.

And by the way, I DO create, write and edit materials for a living, I am originally from Texas, and several friends are teachers in the Texas school systems. SO-- "Clean up your act, girl!" - you are embarassing your own self as well as your home state!!

Well, your story certainly is something different. Trying to figure out what the hell you were saying sort of became a game. I recommend that Chapter 1 be the end of this story.

This story is so chock full of misspellings, lack of proper punctuation, and so forth, I almost wonder if it was done on purpose. Here is one short paragraph that just boggles the mind:<br><br>

<i>"What the Hell, haven't you ever heard of knocking?" I said as I garbed my towel and raped around me. Thou I kind of tock peasure in knowing that he had been checking me out just now.</i><br><br>

Editor's translation: "What the <b>h</b>ell, haven't you ever heard of knocking?" I said as I <br>grabbed</b> my towel and <b>wrapped it</b> around me. <b>I felt irritated, although</b> I <b>also</b> kind of <b>took pleasure</b> in knowing that he had been checking me out.<br><br>

Still not a perfect paragraph, but much better.

<br>

I don't think I've "read" anything this bad on Lit before.

<br><br>

As everyone else has said, this is almost impossible to read - spelling, grammar, punctuation - you name it, it's wrong.

<br><br>

PLEASE don't write anything else until you've mastered some of the basics of writing. Perhaps start by working with one of the Literotica editors...?

<br><br>

But really, PLEASE don't submit anything else until it's readable!

<br>

I'm sorry Hot, but I think you should forget about trying to write. This was so bad that it was not even readable. Is English your first language?

Have you ever gone to school? You can't spell, and aren't smart enough to even run spell-check! I read a couple of paragraphs, but couldn't continue (having to guess what or how you had meant by miss-spelled words) as it was too painful!

I have to agree with several others, your spelling is terrible.

If you expect people to read what you write, you're going to have to learn to spell!

It doesn't matter if your story is fabulous as your grammar and use of pronouns demonstrate that you are NOT educated beyond the third grade! The glaring errors make reading your story painful to even a fifth grade intellect! Use your spell checker and then have someone who has at least graduated from elementary school check it again! PLEASE!!!!!!!

The story might have been a good one, but you need to slow down and proofread what you write. It would also be a good thing to use spellcheck when you have finished a chapter. If you are going to put your work out there in public, do make it the best you can do. Maybe even let a friend read it before you post it.

Your idea for a good story was there, but all the misspelled words and bad grammar covered all of that up. Might I suggest to you an editor?

A high mark for first time. A spell check will take care of much. You need to get more sexual tension built up sooner. She seems to know a lot and what she does not like --but what gives her a serious buzz? Not bad for a first effort. It shows you have the talent to lay out a little story and put one word after another; something not everyone can do. As James Thurber said about writing --"Don't get it write, just get it written.

A fantastic story line going somewhere nice, I hope it does, yes the spelling doesn't help but as a first time effort the content is fairly new and you have an interesting way of writing new and uncomplicated, not surprised you got some stiff comments, as I have said the spelling but mostly it's different, not the usual same old, same old, keep going we need new blood, don't take the critisism too harshly it is meant for your own good, and I for one would rather read a fresh new story with bad grama and spelling than a perfectly written peice of perfectly boring old story

the flow of the story was nice, but you have spelling errors, verb use errors, and sound-alike errors. instead of "yours" you used "you" : pervaded, you must have meant perverted : tock, you mean took? : board, you mean bored? : and a lot more errors there but those are some examples. try doing your story in Microsoft Word and the hit "F7" when you're done. If "F7" (spell check) does not work, try to get an editor for your story because it is worth posting since, as i have said, the flow of your story is really nice.

The style is unique. Perhaps the denigrators should look to reading this starter story again. I just have a gut feeling that the style was intentional and it is no stranger than many 20/21st century works of literature. It is certainly, by no means, unreadable.

Good first story but... Lot of people have rightly commented on the quality of the english.I didn't see as many spelling errors as I saw correctly spelt incorrect words. That makes me think you have taken suggestions made by your spell checker without proper checking. Even the best spell checker cannot know what you meant to say.. I look forward to your next work.

wow, this sucked...besides the numerous and obvious spelling and grammar errors, this story had so little sex in it that it could have qualified for the non-sexual category. I applaud your interest in writing erotic stories, but you've got a long way to go before you have anything worthy to post on here in my opinion.

For what appears to be your first effort, you have a reasonably good start. This forum is meant for constructive critique and feedback, so please ignore the comments without any useful input. Basically, you need to work on your spelling / grammar checking and it would also help to make your chapters longer. Typically, I would say it takes close to two pages for people to really get involved. Again, it was a good first efoort and I hope you will write more.

Way to go please continue as for the spelling and word associations they get better with use and you never claimed to be a great writer now did you so ignore the a**holes

for a first story. even with the spelling mistakes I was still able to read and enjoy the story. good job and please continue.

The spelling was so bad I could not read it.

Ulike the others' harsh comments, a good start. If you need help with spelling and grammer, I'm willing to help.

Well- where to start,

Ummm... lets see. Ok, well thanks for the Criticism.

The horrible, the not so horrible and the nice. Especially the NICE. Sorry about the grammatical and spelling errors. I just wanted to post and people to enjoy my stories, sorry again to those how didn’t. I will continue writing, but I’m trying to get an editor. So as soon as I do I will re post this first chapter and hopefully the next will fallow soon after.

As for my style of writing, I’m not apologizing for that. If I try chaining it, it’s like trying to change who I am. And if you have taken a look at my e-mail adders name, you guess it. I love who I am.

And as for those that hated my story. I am glad that I made enough of an impact on you. I mean, you did take your time to comment, didn't you? Which I find quit amusing, actually.

Well thanks every one again. Look out for me, cuz I’m not going any where. Tons of Kisses!

Your Horrible spell and grammar author,

*LuNa*

...but it's clear it warrants the lowest possible scores. Even the "writer's" commentary is full of punctuation and grammatical errors. What makes illiterates think they can write?

Dear Hot4Brother:

It takes courage to try something new (like writing your first Literotica story), then publish it and ask for comments. So congratulations - you took the chance. Now for a few comments of my own...

A.) Ignore the crude and rude comments about spelling and grammatical errors. These will smooth out over time as you continue to write. I suggest you read other stories in your genre to help you get "a feel" for what works or doesn't work in those stories - then you can apply what you learn to your own work.

B.) Literotica has a group of editors willing to help others develop their writing skills - you might want to consider asking one of these people to proofread your next story.

C.) I like Mara. You did a good job building her character and showing the she has plenty of "attitude". The description of her preparations to go to the airport created a good mental image.

D.) You didn't write yourself into a corner. You put in plenty of potential conflicts to expand on as you write additional chapters. For example: the tension between Mara and her mother; between Mara and her pervert step-father; between Mara and Jessica; and between Mara and Mike. All of these are themes you can develop.

E.) I really liked the way you opened the story. You started with a sexy scene that draws the reader into the story. Obviously, something led up to Mara's spanking in the presence of her friends (another potential conflict). If a reader wants to know how Mara got herself into that position, then he has to read the story.

Over all, a very good beginning to writing erotic stories. Don't be discouraged by the negative comments - critical people writing anonymously often write things they would never have the discourtesy or nerve to say to your face.

Keep writing!

Sincerely,

The SteelWolf

A few people have pointed out a few spelling and grammar mistakes - big deal. They hardly caused any confusion about who was doing what. My only complaint is using name-brands too much.

As far as remarks about not enough, or any, sex, well, this story is being written in chapters and the author is doing a fine job of setting up background and character. What I read flowed nicely and the first paragraph is a good hook. Keep writing!

i couldn't get past the first few paragraghs if you do a rewrite put it in the proper section it belongs in the nonconsensual/reluctance section not incest all stories that include rape,attempted rape,blackmail,forced sex or sexual violence belongs in that section

It's a shame that we have not heard more from this authir

First of all, I liked the this chapter.

I think you have potential for writing. The problems with spelling and grammar are fixable, via the solutions already mentioned above. However, creativity cannot be taught, and you seem to be blessed with it.

My suggestion? Get it from your imagination to the computer first, any which way, not worrying about spelling or grammar.

Then, read what you have written, making changes as you go along. Where you don't like what you have written, think of a different (and better) way of expressing yourself.

Go through this process at least 5 times. Put the spellchecker through. Reread and change.

Submit to at least 2 editors. You need not accept all their suggestions, but most would be beneficial. Make changes as you deem fit.

Resubmit to the editors, stating where and why you did not accept their changes. Make new changes upon getting the story back. Then submit to Literotica.

Writing is like giving birth - very painful, but in the end, very rewarding.

Good luck!

Rooijan

the beginning of another bad incest story,

It's like the story didn't finish. What happened at the end? How did it go from her telling him to get out to him spanking her? The story is incomplete.