All Comments on 'My Ideas of Heaven'

I usually do not read this long of a story word for word, but I did mostly I though it was a great love story, but it was a little drawn out as the first couple of pages were mostly background, but I though it was pretty good

Pretty good story. This story can be improved with some editing. Here are 3 suggestions:

1) The intro to the story is too dragged out and takes too long to get the story started. Think about truncating the first page of the story.

2) Some of the words and phrases repeat frequently. Re-phrasing with different wording would help.

3) The story has a lot of detail, but lacks "color." Adding more detail such the colors in the scenery would help the reader. What was the color of the tent? What was the color at the beach? What was the color at work, or in the club? What color clothes were they wearing?

I thought about quitting on the first page. It was all about the work situation, which i have to admit, i did not understand. But after that it was good.

Full of life, love and feelings.

You're a bit "wordy" but an excellent story-teller.

Re: wordy. I understand what you mean but I have to admit I actually found it harder to write short stories as opposed to novels.

I have two problems too and, the first is any plots I think of go out the window after the first page. The second is I prefer not to do rewrites as it is like painting and if I am not happy with something I have to force myself to leave it alone otherwise I ruin it.

As regards to plots all I can do is think about a character and what she thinks. After the first paragraph if I think it will go somewhere I go into download mode. That is I have no idea what is going to happen next. If the story dies I scrap it otherwise the plot will twist and turn in its own way. Sometimes there is a twist and I think that is different to before so I will go back and tweak it. If things crop up later and it is explained in greater detail at the start I will leave it there.

As I live in England I am not sure if some of the terms and the scenes may not be so meaningful to those living outside?