My Life Pt. 01

"I'm Tammy." I replied "nice to meet you."

"You too," she said "Oh look, we have most of the same classes except gym and English, I can show you around, I mean if you want."

"Oh really," I replied thankfully "I would love that thank you so much!"

By the end of second period Theresa and I were becoming friends. She wasn't super popular since she was a bit on the chubby side and a bit introverted, but I didn't care. I thought she was cute and nice and I was really glad to have her as a friend.

Third Period Surprise

Somehow in all of the confusion I failed to mentally register the name listed on my third period English class, J. Moran. I didn't notice at all until Theresa showed me to the door and left for her own class across the hall.

There he was the teacher from seventh grade. He seemed every bit as angry as he was before. I guess he hadn't come out of the closet yet if my Mom was right about him. I also couldn't forget that he probably saved my life that day when he pulled Junior and his lackeys off of me and called the ambulance. I hadn't seen him since that day in the hospital.

The second thing that struck me about him was that he was much younger than he was in my head. I guess because I was so much younger back then. He seemed to be about twenty five or so. Seeing him brought back too many memories for me.

"Ms. Cosmano." he said, stirring me from my haze.

"What?" I asked confusedly causing the class to laugh.

"Ms. Cosmano are you present?" Mr. Moran asked testily.

"I'm sorry," I replied, "Yes sir."

"Ms. Cosmano, I hope this isn't an indication of your typical attention level," he lectured "or you are going to have a very hard time in my class."

Then he moved on with taking attendance. I was generally a good student, so I wasn't too worried. Still it stung. It also scared me that he might recognize me and out me. By the end of the class I was really nervous about being in his class.

Lunch and another Friend

"Damn girl, are you OK?" Theresa asked in the hall, seeing how shaken I was.

"Yeah." I replied obscurely, "Just didn't eat any breakfast this morning."

"Ahh," she said "No wonder you're so damn skinny!" she responded, "OK, well let's go get some lunch and I can introduce you to Kelly."

Kelly turned out to be this tiny girl of African American descent. She was so small she didn't look like she belonged in high school. She was super sassy though and so I liked her almost instantly. She was super cute too, with amazing hair and skin. The three of us ate lunch together.

"So you were home schooled?" Theresa asked.

"Yeah." I replied.

"So what is your family all religious or something?" Kelly demanded.

"Nah," I replied "It was health reasons. I got really sick in 7th grade."

"What like cancer or something?"

"Kelly!" Theresa admonished.

"What? I'm just asking?"

"It's OK."

"Something like cancer," I said, not really willing to outright lie to my new friends "I don't really like to talk about it."

"What the fuck was that like?" Theresa asked

"Musta been boring as hell."

"What was what like?"

"Being home schooled."

"It was OK," I replied noncommittally "no friends though so that sucked."

"Well you got us now." Kelly exclaimed "Right T?"

"Hell yeah!"

Just like that I was in.

After we ate they introduced me to a couple of guys they hang out with. The crowd seemed mostly kind of Goth and skater types. I felt a little out of place with my very preppy kind of style, but they really didn't seem to mind at all.

So the first day went well for me. No one pointed and laughed, no one beat me up and I made some new friends. All in all I was super happy. One thing was plaguing me though, or one person should I say. That person was Mr. Moran.

I really didn't know what to think.

He was a real teacher now and seemed comfortable in that role. I was happy for that, but he still seemed angry with the world. He still had that 1950's look with a buzz cut and horn rimmed glasses. The other thing is I don't know why I kept thinking about him. It's not like he was an attractive person. He was still kind of overweight, not terribly so, just big and awkward. I guess he was just a mystery.

Normal

The first month of school flew by. I was way ahead of most of the kids in terms of my knowledge level, so I was doing really well. Kelly and Theresa continued to do everything together and we became really great friends.

I started to feel like a normal high school girl. It was a wonderful feeling, but I also felt guilty that I wasn't really being true to myself and my new friends. Still, I didn't want to break the spell.

One of the things I did to cope was draw. I started drawing as physical therapy for my wrists back when I was recovering and I eventually got really good. Most of my drawings were pretty pornographic at that time in my life and often included a stylized cartoon of myself. Since these drawings revealed my secret, I usually kept an extremely tight grip on my sketch pad.

My fascination with Mr. Moran continued. He must be gay and upset that he can't share what he is with the world. Out here in this shitty town, I could see why he was so angry. I do wonder why he didn't move though. The more I thought about it the more I empathized with him. It was almost a surprise to me when I started fantasizing about being with him.

I wouldn't think he'd be my type, but there it was. He was on my mind a lot and I seemed to be having a crush. I told my Mom about it because it was confusing.

"I just don't get it Mom," I complained "It just doesn't make sense."

"It makes perfect sense to me sweetie," she replied, "You're my daughter."

I still got a thrill when she said that.

"What do you mean?" I asked, genuinely curious.

"I'm the same way," she began "I always have been."

"Like how?"

"Well Sweetie, I have always developed attractions to people based on their needs rather than my own. You seem to be the same way. You see a person that is hurting and you want to help. It's because I raised you to be a good and loving person. It's our sexuality that makes us feel like we can solve everything with sex, even if it isn't true. It is one of the things that helps me be good with my clients."

"OK, so what am I supposed to do with these feelings?"

"Why don't you sleep with him?" my Mom asked me deadpan.

"Seriously?" I replied incredulous.

"Why not?" she asked.

"Because he's my teacher."

"So?"

"Huh."

I was really baffled by this approach from my Mom. She is so overprotective most often; I never thought she would say something like that.

"And you are OK with that thought?" I demanded.

"Someone's got to be your first and if you like him..." she said, "Besides, he's unlikely to out you or hurt you, so I am OK with it."

"Shit." I replied

"So does this mean you think I should do sex work too?" I asked.

"No Sweetheart," she replied "but it does mean I think you would probably be good at it."

"Wow."

Things get out of my control

OK so to say the least I had a lot to think about. I did my homework and sat in my room drawing cartoon panels of Mr. Moran, John, seducing me in all my glory.

Drawing out elaborate scenarios of him doing just that in comic book form became my best outlet for my fantasies. I was seriously crushing on him and I really still didn't understand why. He was mean to me as he was to everyone else, perhaps a little less because I was a promising student.

I also realized that if my assumption were true he wouldn't even be attracted to me as I was a girl. A girl with a cock for sure, but still a girl, if he was gay he wouldn't be interested.

The whole thing was decided for me in an odd twist of fate. I don't know if what happened is something my subconscious did without my awareness, but it definitely changed things.

I remember everything about the day. It was dark and drizzling rain. When I settled in for Mr. Moran's English class we had a quiz that day. I finished early and turned my quiz in.

I took the opportunity to stare at him for a while and then started to dig in my messenger bag for a novel I was reading. As I did so Mr. Moran began walking the aisles of desks, checking on progress and looking for cheaters.

As he was passing me a book fell out of my bag and he stooped to pick it up. To my horror it was my sketch pad with all of my drawings.

My eyes must have been as wide as saucers as I looked up at him. Time seemed to slow to a crawl as he flipped open the book to about the middle and looked at me in surprise before quickly shutting the book.

"Ms. Cosmano, you will see me after class." He said matter of factly as he returned to his desk, sketch pad in hand. He did not look happy.

I could feel tears welling up in my eyes as I felt my world crumbling around me. I'd like to think I would handle something like this stoically, but I didn't. I sat facing forward, tears gently rolling down my cheeks and leaving long black tracks through my mascara.

OK, so first off I need to tell you that I am not stupid. My sketch pad was private. I didn't even share it with my Mom, not that I kept it from her either. It was like a graphic novel of my thoughts, feelings and desires. I would never bring something so potentially explosive into school. The only thing I could think was that my Mom may have been straightening up and put it in my bag unaware of what it was. God I haven't even changed the names in my story.

Shit, Shit, Shit, Shit!

Great, he's looking through it. I tried to compose myself as best I could before the end of class. I was a wreck. Everything was falling apart and there was nothing I could do to stop it. What would he do? Would he out me? All the memories and my Mom's worries for my safety flooded into me. I pulled heavily on my martial arts training to calm myself down.

The bell rang. The class filed out. I walked as steadily as I could to his desk. He looked up at me with an unreadable expression.

"I assume you know Ms. Cosmano," he began in a measured tone "that material like this is against school policy and a serious offence."

"I'm so sorry" I said, hanging my head. I didn't know what else to say.

He closed the book and put it in his top drawer. He looked up at me from behind his desk.

"I'm disappointed in you" he said "I expected better, you have so much potential."

I began to sob.

"It can't be helped" he continued "I will see you in detention tomorrow during lunch."

"C..c..can I have my book back?" I blubbered.

"No" he said firmly "I need to decide what I am going to do about this."

I practically ran out of the room.

Theresa and Kelly caught up to me in the hallway.

"What the hell happened?" Kelly demanded.

"He...he... has my..." I was on the edge of hyperventilating when Theresa took me in a big hug.

Eventually I calmed down enough to talk and pulled away from her.

"He has my sketch pad." I finally got out more calmly.

"Why does that matter?" Kelly asked. They had seen my more public sketch pad before, it didn't contain anything incriminating.

"My private one." I said, "It's intimate, it's kind of like a diary"

"That fucking perv!" Theresa said.

"I'll fucking kill him!" Kelly responded at nearly the same time angrily.

"No, no" I pleaded "please don't say anything, I am hoping he'll give it back tomorrow during detention."

I made it through the day, my stomach tied in knots. Home wasn't much better. My Mom was out so I didn't have her to confide in. I am not sure I wanted to just yet anyway. I did my homework to focus my mind on other things. Eventually I passed out on my bed, emotionally exhausted.

I had an erotic dream about him spanking me as punishment. I woke up in the middle of the night, still wearing my clothes from the day before, horny and I masturbated to the thought of an easy and fun punishment. After I came, the reality of the situation sunk back in, I was in deep trouble and no one could get me out of it. I wiped the cum off my belly and stripped out of my clothes and threw on a t-shirt. I fell back into a troubled sleep.

Dead Girl Walking

The next day I drifted through the morning like an exhausted zombie. I put my hair into a simple pony tail, threw on a blouse and modest skirt. I managed to put on some makeup to reduce the dark circles under my eyes. I also managed to get myself to school.

I dragged through the day until 11:15 AM, time for my lunch detention. Kelly and Theresa couldn't even cheer me up. I thought the "normal" life I had crafted for myself, simple acceptance, a couple of friends, was all about to come crashing down. I walked to Mr. Moran's room like I was walking to my death.

When I walked in, Mr. Moran looked up from a paper he was grading. I could tell by the look on his face the outcome was not going to be good.

"Ms. Cosmano, right on time I see, please come in." he said as he got up and locked the door behind me.

"Yes sir."

"Ms. Cosmano, I have looked over this material" he said, laying my book down on a desk "and I am confused, I need you to answer some questions before I make a decision to turn this in."

"Ummm, OK Mr. Moran." I responded hesitantly, this was not going the way I pictured it.

"So what is the rumor about me?" He asked, not unkindly.

"Rumor sir?" I replied, "I don't understand."

"Is it that I'm gay?" he asked a bit of scorn creeping into his voice "I know kids talk. Do they say I like penises?"

"No sir," I responded, eyes downcast "there is no rumor that I know of."

"Then why this?" he demanded, opening my book to a marked page. It was a full page drawing of him standing behind me, my skirt lifted and his hand was stroking my cock as he kissed my neck. The likeness of us both in the drawing was unmistakable. In case there was any ambiguity I included the name placard on his desk...stupid.

"Do you think I am some kind of joke, someone for you to laugh at?"

"Sir, no I...I.." I stammered "you don't understand"

"No?" he almost yelled, "what don't I understand Ms. Cosmano? Please enlighten me!"

I was getting scared; he thought this was some prank I was pulling. I started crying, but he was unfazed. The look on his face was bordering on cruel. I said the only thing that I could think to say.

"You don't know who I am do you?" I said meekly through my tears, "You saved my life, I would never make fun of you."

That seemed to throw him off for a second. His expression softened.

"Explain."

So I did. I told him what school and how I was beaten and he stopped my attackers. He looked incredulous.

"I don't believe you." he stated flatly, shaking his head, but he was no longer angry.

"It is true sir." I said.

Then I did the only thing that would prove it for good. I reached down and started slowly lifting the hem of my skirt. My heart was pounding in my chest, my eyes were downcast. I couldn't look at him. I couldn't see his reaction; I wouldn't be able to bear it. This was the first person besides my mom and my doctor to see me.

Once my skirt was up I reached into my panties to untuck myself. The intensity of the situation had made me half hard as I pulled it out and finally looked up at him, tears still welling in my eyes, making it hard to see.

He was mesmerized staring at my cock. It seemed like he forgot everything about our situation and who that cock was attached to. He just sat there on the edge of his desk staring.

Then as if he was a marionette and someone else was moving him, his hand tentatively reached out to touch me. I let out a small gasp as I felt his fingers tentatively touch me, sending an electrical shock through my body. He looked as if he was in a trance. This was a new experience for me, no one else had ever touched me before.

I grew harder as his fingers rolled it back and forth. As I grew fully erect his fingers encircled my cock and I took a half step closer to him. My cock is circumcised and on the small side of average at about five inches and of fairly average thickness. I couldn't help but notice that it looked really nice in his big, soft warm hand.

The tension in the air was thick and time seemed to slow to a crawl as I tried to steady my breathing. I was still crying and I don't know why. A single tear left my cheek and fell onto his hand. He looked up at me, my gaze still downcast. His free hand came up and with a gentle touch under my chin he tilted my head up to look in my eyes.

Tears seemed to come even faster now, freely rolling down my face again. His gaze was searching mine for something. His hand still held my now fully erect cock gently but firmly.

"I don't believe it," he whispered almost to himself "the boy in the dress."

I just let out a half a laugh and nodded in response.

"I just don't believe it." he whispered again, but he didn't mean it literally.

We had somehow moved closer together. He was half sitting against his desk, which brought him closer to my height. His hand held me and his finger seemed to be absent mindedly caressing me of their own volition. The room seemed hot and stuffy. The entire atmosphere was really intense.

Everything about the situation was only quasi-sexual to this point, but now we were close, very close... too close. Something needed to happen or it would fall apart, everything was in flux and unstable, or at least that is the way it felt to me.

I looked down at his hand on my cock. I also noticed a growing bulge in the front of his khakis. I reached down and touched it. It was hard and soft at the same time, I rubbed along his length and it was his turn to gasp. We were both very quiet, careful not to break the spell.

He put his free hand on my hip and started to stroke me up and down slowly. I moved to undo his zipper. I had a little trouble with that as it got stuck and I had to work it a bit. Then it was down I reached inside his pants, found the flap in his boxers and after some fumbling pulled out his cock.

It was thick and warm and alive in my hand. It was nothing at all like my little dildo at home. It was wonderful. It wasn't particularly big, maybe an inch longer than me and a bit thicker than either me or my dildo, but it was glorious all the same. Now I was the one mesmerized as I wrapped my thin fingers around it and began stroking him softly.

We were so close together now. So achingly close. He pulled my hip towards him closing the distance as we stroked each other. We were rubbing the heads of our cocks together and the feeling was electric. We were both looking down now, watching each other's hands stroke up and down, precum lubricating the contact between us.

Things were definitely sexual now, though we hadn't crossed a line into romance. As if by unspoken agreement we both looked up into each other's eyes. His look was quizzical, like he didn't know where to go next. I took the initiative and closed the distance with my lips, kissing him. This by the way was also my first romantic kiss.

He froze, still unsure as I kissed him. Then something within him gave way and he pulled me close and kissed me back, our hands pumping faster trapped between our bodies. His kiss was so intense it threw me too quickly over the edge; my body was shaking in his embrace as I moaned into his mouth. I tried in vain to hold it off for just a bit longer but my overstimulated body was having none of that. I pushed my hips back away from him and broke the kiss. I didn't want to cum all over his clothes.

My body was trembling as my orgasm took me. Cum erupted like a slow volcano out of the tip of my cock, the lava of cum flowing down over the head of his cock and over his hand. He kept stroking me until my tremors stopped.

Then he squeezed the last bit of cum from my cock and took his hand off me. My hand was still pumping him steadily up and down, now more lubricated from my cum. He looked at his hand fascinated and unsure what to do with the cum dripping between his fingers. Though I had just cum, none of the intensity of the scenario was lost; I was still very mentally horny as hell.