by FisherXXX
yes, go back to the writing table and add some more chapters to this story... you can have him do what ever he wants to her and I hope you do!
i would like to know what some of those things are also. please share...........
The girl let him fuck her, dont quite see how "her body is mine", hard to convice the reader that a woman so dominating became his in a matter of 2 paragraghs. Think you need to work on that plothole, or else learn the differance between a woman consenting to sex and a woman becoming your slave. Story didn't add up, and I personally found the premise boring, but not bad writing.
oh yeah.....nothing like having a sexy bitch to ram your cock into when you want.....
Two things need to be done with this story
1. It needs to be longer
2. It need s a sequal