All Comments on 'My Little Sister'

It was a good try for a first story. A little more buildup maybe. Don't listen to all

the A-holes that love to criticize but give no positive feedback . If you like to write keep trying if this is just a one-time thing then at least you did it

you did well for you're first story!

A bit quick on the build up but enjoyable nonetheless. I hope you keep going and maybe give us a glimpse of what their summer is like and develop the story from there.

One glaring issue was your constant shift between present and past tense.

Good writing. 👍

More build up needed to much rush to get her panties off

Here's some advice.... stop writing in present tense and watch tense switches. Stay with one point-of-view.

The story was a bit hurried, but it could have been much better if you had read the draft before submitting. The spelling, punctuation and grammar errors made it hard reading.

Nice story. I would have had a quick trip to visit

It is a good story; but it could have been a great one.

Read the advice the others have given you.

Get someone to edit your work and carry on please.

Very good for a first attempt, and you've gotten some good advice. Your writing will improve if you follow the positive advice, all I can add is to say more detail in describing her, especially in the lingerie, less detail in dick measurements during sex; telling us it's X inches once is enough, at least in one paragraph. I look forward to reading what happened in summer (in the past tense only, as suggested by several others).

Man it was good keep doing it

Editing needed but a good 1st attempt. A lot better than some who think they are experienced writers. I look forward to more of your work.

"my green colored hair"???? Does he work for the circus?

I hope you follow this up with a story about him getting his sister pregnant.