by dgthomas
I thought it got annoying after a while when you kept calling her 'this slut'. Why not at least use her name next time?? Or at least bemore creative with the titles.
I’m definitely going to have to agree with the previous comment. You should have definitely been much more creative with her title. I mean even if you just would have called her “Slut” that would’ve been fine. It seemed as though you did have a good idea but it could have used more depth. Just keep working at it and it should be fine. This is a good story but it just needs more detail and more character development.