by conanthe
I got an ID just so I could comment without being anonymous. I think this is a great story and love to see each new segment. I hated the 15 day wait - but it was worth it!
I'm only sorry I couldn't give you more than 5 stars1
luv your writing, have been reading right along and cant wait for more!!!
you make me believe this is actually possible, your in depth writing is awesome and i cant wait for the next segments.
PS. there were a few spelling/edit issues, im not concerned but i know as a writer it pisses me off when i notice things slipping through the net.
truly epic, if not abused the emphatic talent would be truly wonderful to have.
your spelling issues do not bother me, because they haven't distorted the story or confused me. Nice cliff hanger though, i am looking forward to the next chapter.
I'm totally hooked on the story. I check every day for the next installment. You have to publish again soon.
Please keep it coming, you have a great storytelling ability and I can't wait to find out what happens next... hmm, kinda like Suzanne ;-)
... the ability to convey all the details in the written word. I really like this series and am glad I found it.
I agree with Tanacious, that in the first page or so, you obviously were in a hurry to put down your thoughts and made quite a few grammatical errors (we all do and normally you have excellent grammatical skills). When you have that great urge to express your thoughts, maybe it might help to hand write them and then you can methodically write the story with your normal skills.
Great story idea and great development! I will most likely stay up later than normal tonight just to finish the series.
JR
you need to run the work through a grammar check. You write a great story but a spell check is not enough. A grammar check should catch some of the mistakes you make. It's disconcerting to keep hitting noticeable errors in such a good line of stories.
Read back through the part about Peggy at the library. There's a word you used to describe her as he walked up to her. It doesn't make sense. Hell, the word isn't even familiar to me and my vocabulary is well above the average.
Keep writing, this is one of the best stories I've read. I really like how this one talent keeps improving with use and how he finds ways to use it in positive ways for himself and others.
There are reasons for the rules of sentence organization. Learn the reasons, learn the rules.
I stopped on page 1, after the devastating revelations by Melanie. I know I an projecting here but the writing was so evocative! I felt physically ill, and very sad, but mostly scared for how he would handle being so vulnerable and invested only to have her reveal... That.
The chapter really did explore a Lot, and while I agree that a few paragraphs were cumbersome, it was an amazing read.
Thanks!
Jason
I find it hillarious that the Anonymous users are the ones leaving crap comments and ratings. This really is a great story!
I'm loving the well developed characters, and the challenges that the main character has to face aren't your 'run of the mill'. Creative and inventive problem solving and plot progression, as well as character development. Some of the terminology you use during sex scenes could use a refresher in my humble opinion, just so that they don't seem monotonous.
In regards to the trolling anonymous below (yes yes, I know I'm also anonymous. Bite me), He/She happens to be leaving these comments past the first chapter. If He/She truly didn't like the story, they would have stopped at, or before the end of the first chapter. Don't pay any attention to it, this story is fantastic!
This isn't my first time reading this series, but when I saw the new chapters coming out I figured I may as well start from the top, so I'm not lost. I must say, it's even better than I remembered!
In any case, if you get around to reading this comment, know that you're an amazing person and writer, and that you've earned not only 5* from me, but also a fan!
Cheers,
-Dennis
You really are one sorry as*hole anon. Go get a life and stop weeping about ur situation.
Another wonderfully done chapter, I may be repeating my comments, but this story is just so good and so much fun! Thank you!