by Southernbreeze
I can't believe you felt the need to add to this. You should just stop writing. Or wait until you graduate 8th grade! Pitiful.
You should have had Mom waiting at the door just in panties.
While your Chapter 1 could create some tension and excitement in the description of what Kevin experienced and was perhaps getting halfway in creating some understanding of what moved Karen, this second chapter was just rubbish. The cartoon like sister character was totally unbelievable (as was the buckets of come every five minutes).
Then go ruin it by introducing Cuz David for no apparent reason
Think of all of the possibilities with cousin and Jackie and perhaps even mom getting involved! Maybe mom ends up providing panties for both guys and mom, Jackie and the guys end up in a foursome.
Keep writing
you intentionally ruined the story in the end. I hope you never write again.