by Dreamlover
I enjoyed the basic story line very much. I don't usually say anything about improper grammar but this was just too much to take without saying something. You kept saying 'his' when you referred to the character as 3rd person rather than in 1st person. It was very distracting. Also, lots of typos. You've got a great story line going and I'd love to see more but I would suggest getting help on the editing.
The part when the baby kicks sent me over the edge. When my ex-wife was pregnant this happened many times.
Great story but you go from her having shaved herself to you having shot a couple weak ropes onto her matted beaver.