All Comments on 'My Role Model, My Brother'

do they share eachother too

Another chapter, perhaps a sequel?

This story badly needs an editor and it deserves a very good one. because there are some fantastic premises at work here. The parental dysfunction subplot was daring & touching. The part about brother having to be a role model for family happens more often them it should.

On the other hand, the narrator's voice & that of Claire's are less then convincing in terms of girl talk/think. I'm at a loss to tell a male author how to write convincing estrogen laced dialogue. Watch CW network, First 3 seasons of Sex in the City or read Bridget Jones chronicles ? Good luck with that one.

The ending went a little Pollyannish as well. Yet there were so many aspects to like. Claire dueling with sister scene for bro's affection was comic gold. Meow ! This story danced on clever/sacharine tightrope and made it to the other side as a worthwhile read, because first and last,, it's characters' hearts were in the right place.

WHILE I ENJOYED YOUR STORY GENERALLY, I AM CONSTANTLY APPALLED AT THE MISSPELLINGS AND MISUSE OF ENGLISH WORDS. MAYBE IT'S JUST ME BUT I AM A READER ALSO. "WEEK KNEED" SHOULD BE "WEAK KNEED" AND IN YOUR LAST LINE, "BARE" SHOULD BE BEAR. A GOOD EDITOR WOULD PICK UP ON THESE. HAVING SAID THIS, I THINK IT STILL DESERVED A 4.

Forgive me for being critical of the critics, but if you are seeking perfection in grammar then read more of the world famous writers and perhaps your allusions will me satisfied.

This is a fine authorship of work that defines a possible situation as well as a probable one, be it rare and outspoken.

My own curiosity is in wonderment of this being a personal experience of the author.

Congratulations to a work well presented and for having the ability to portray an image with not soliciting a devious imagination on behalf of readers.

Thank you...

I enjoyed the story all the way up to him marrying the friend. That ruined the WHOLE story for me personally. Also all the bad spelling and editing didn't help.

It is hard to rate this one, probably because of the nearly complete absence of sex in a story at a site called "literotica". I appreciated the details and subtext of a dysfunctional family, and clearly the author put some thought into the effort. That said, when the ending abruptly arrives you feel as though you must have missed about 4 pages, because the preceding story was excruciatingly dull, and the ending simply sucked.

I loved this story intel the endin the story was perfect you had it all I just wish he would pick a girl not both I mean if her would picked her friend that would be a good endin its deflating to a guy that is tryin to write his own story I still love it but the endin kills it from being perfect

@ MadBrown,

I could not help but notice your critique was also full of errors. For instance, “Maybe it’s just me but I am a reader also”, should have a comma after me. It is also (and you might check on ending sentences with ‘also’) not consistent in tense, such as, “I enjoyed…I am constantly…” and, “ I think it deserved”…no, either you think (present tense) it deserves or you thought it deserved. Maybe its just me but maybe you should get an editor also. ;)

This is actually my first time commenting. Anyway, this woukd have been better if it was longer. It didn't go in the direction I hoped and the turn of events kind of ruined the great beginning of the story. Jack seemed like a one woman type of guy and I thought he loves his sister enough to pick her..

I kinda agree the others. Lack of the lovemaking was a minus, but I honestly loved the way this story ended. Not the usual ending but original. Didn't really contain the great climax, but I liked this piece of text. A bit short, but good. A 4/5. Thanks a lot!

Bare children are especially common when newborn.

But you - momma - YOU are the one to BEAR the child until that time comes.

In accordance with true love, keep her a virgin for her brother and remove all sexual history of the other guy with his sister. Make her properly pure for her brother who loves her.

Page 1, page 2, and the first half of page 3 were excellent. I stopped reading at that half mark, and I think you know why. Man, this story went from a 10/10 to a 4/10. Did you seriously make invest 30+ minutes of my time only to have the characters squandered? Now the brother has both of them? F off, man. Stop writing, permanently.

All of them are CRAZY!!

Did they boink the brother in the head or something!!

What's wrong with their mother.

And most important of all, what would their father say to this?!?

The sister and gf are realistic and so was the brother , until the incestous baby part!

The father and the mother made no rational sense whatsoever , it could have profitedfrom ssome editing.

Keep on writing.

:)

Like your work...

PS there is a little too much sex in your stories though.

Have you thought about writing about horror yet or SciFi stuff?

I have never read a story I could relate to and I finally found one although i would never make a pass for my moms boyfriends son...I didn't like that he had both the girls would have preferred that he chose...otherwise very well written!!!

at first i thought i could read this until the very end. but then i have read something about the mother approves her daughter to follow her heart and go for her brother? that's not just right...

then in the end, Jack ended up having the both of them.

i mean, REALLY?

maybe you should try practicing your writing skills again. try and try.

because right now, this story won't create any Niagara Falls in anyone.

As I age I find I appreciate more and more the wide spectrum of the human condition. Libidos can go from non-existent to dysfunctionally hyperactive, where the person has to masturbate or have sex dozens of times a day to relieve the clawing need; the latter are rare but the cases are documented.

Then comes love. Many are content with monogamy, having one person to have and love to the exclusion of others. Others are not so inclined, whether it's because they prize their independence too much or their hearts are unable to be constrained with loving just one person.

Poly relationships are difficult. But they can also be pretty rewarding; it depends on the people involved. In a similar fashion, if you have more than one child, you love them all -- differently, for each is a different and unique person, but you love them just the same. Some adults can do the same with intimate partners, sharing because we'd like to have the one we love all to ourselves, but for sake of others for whom we care, we share. Being poly requires a focus not just on one's self, but also on the feelings of others, putting the interests of the group success ahead of personal satisfaction. Too, in poly relationships, there are more adults to share in childcare. In our modern times, social constraints often prevent social supports that people used to have -- nearby family, a sense of community, traditions, even jobs that will be there for your entire life.

Lightning does strike, but women tend to pick a man who has some qualities they like for themselves and probably also want for their children to have.

So for Audrey and Claire, it is irrelevant whether they have sex with each other. Their friendship is important enough that they realized for both of them to be happy meant compromise; by sharing both can have a measure of happiness. And they gain emotional happiness by seeing their friend also being happy. What the women get is a man who will work like a dog to make sure they are taken care of -- food, shelter, love. While this was less an outright sex story and more of a character study, for me it rings true. It works if the Claire and Audrey were sisters, but also works if they were good friends without blood ties. In that respect, the incest almost becomes incidental.

Lightning can strike and leave you senseless. But we also learn how to love by seeing it around us as we grow up, and the writer of this tale clearly had that in mind by including 'role model' in the title. Good tale!

Please learn the difference between bare and bear!

I thoroughly enjoyed your story. Don't be bothered by comments as trivial as your choice of "bear" and "bare". My sister tried to give me help with my homework in school, but she often came off like PBJV, just hyper critical. People like that are running off all the good story tellers on Literotica. I would rather lose them than the writers. If you are still looking for an editor, I may be available. I am currently helping another writer. Hang in there. Your stories are well worth the time you put into them.

Spelling and grammar have been mentioned; I won't dwell on that. Do check that you don't mix tenses.

I think that my main issue is that the story is too many things. First, it's a tragedy with a near-rape and some serious family problems. Then, it becomes a comedy of sorts, only to end with every man's dream: the threesome.

The bit where the mother appears out of nowhere to give her blessing is superfluous. I'd forgotten about her already. It doesn't add anything.

You might also want to explain why he married Claire. Is it to avoid problems with the law. I could imagine that the sister supposedly got knocked up and they take her in the house, that would be a good cover if incest is illegal where you live. But it's never explained and if Jack truly doesn't want to come between the girls, he won't go and marry one of them. That doesn't make sense.

Personally, I prefer monogamous sibling happily ever after sibling stories, with or without pregnancy, but that's a personal preference and so it's not something I could objectively complain about. But it's one of the things I like less about this story.

She admired her brother because he was worthy of anyone's admiration! He selflessly and courageously stepped up to the plate and became a man that would inspire any of us to strive to be better ourselves. Whether you want to admit it or not, there is evil in this world; and Jack spent his life doing a better job of denying it than anyone I know. By default, that makes Jack a very good man; a man that would recognize the damage their broken home had done to his sister. There is no way this story ends like this. It is a slap in the face to a man like Jack! He would have reasoned with Audrey and found help for her, because his love for her was selfless and his circumstances and character forced him to make some very hard choices; and to grow up at a very young age. There is no way in hell that Jack doesn't find the love and success in life he so richly deserves. He wouldn't settle for a sordid, secret life that denied both his sister and himself true happiness.

The story was very good. It was intriging. The characters lifelike. But then we get the same generic end that so many of these have. And someone tell me why a pregnancy/baby is so important? To me it detracts from the fantasy factor.

Nope, I could never share. He's mine and mine alone. I'm a possessive bitch.

I couldn't even finish the story. I just knew he would pick Audrey!!! I know it's illegal but c'mon this is just a story! I'm so sad:(

Even tho Audrey couldn't legally marry Jack,she could in namesake be his 2nd wife,next to Claire.As for the fighting and rivalry between Audrey and Claire it should be simple that both girls could share Jack between them,cause as long as both girls understand the reasons they both love Jack and are willing to give him equal love and affection they can both have him.

Love doesn't have to be one-sided when it comes to their relationship,hell over in Arabia and in other Countries its not uncommon for Men to have many wives or courtesans,and each one knows and understands such things.So as for Jack,Audrey,and Claire I wish them many years of happiness together.

My second time reading this and it still is a very good story.

Great story, love it. AAAAA+++++

Once is a typo. Multiple times is an illiteracy problem. "the one who wouldn't bare children with..." "the first to bare him a child." You're taking off their clothes, ffs. Bear. not Bare.