My Secret Revealed

It was my own fault. How could I be so stupid?

My name is Karl. I started an internet business twelve years ago. I had been working as a manufacturer's representative for a brokerage house dealing in imported merchandise. I thought that my company was merely skimming the surface of the potential market. When my attempts to persuade the company to broaden the horizon, I was met with conservative skepticism. When I formed my LLC, I was going to open some of the lines that my company would not participate in. Very quickly, I realized that with international agents, I could really expand my business. I knew how to do it.

Basically, I travelled to Asia and Eastern Europe for about two and a half years. I vetted representatives in these countries who could interface with small manufactures. I supplied all of the product lines and ideas and set up production, shipping and marketing. Once the initial period was finished, I concentrated on marketing mostly. I trained the reps to inspect the small shops and take care of local supply and manufacturers.

After five years, things were going great. I still needed to stay on top of everything with monthly meetings but learned to network and thereby not have to go to those countries but maybe once or twice a year for inspections. Life became easier and the hard work was paying off. The business was growing and so were my profits. The reps were happy as their compensation and commissions grew accordingly.

My wife, Karen and I met during that first period when I was working so hard. She is a consultant in the health care and insurance industry. She makes good money. I must say she makes very good money. I first met her at my niece's wedding. She was friends with the groom's parents and during the reception we met. She is a striking, tall brunette with a gorgeous face. Her body is wonderful also. She is 5'- 9" tall and weighs about 150. She is not fat, but is well built and very fit. It was a little odd that we hit it off so well. I am only 5'-8" myself. I even danced with her at the reception. I had no problem with her towering over me when we danced. She had on four inch heels and stood well over 6 feet. While our size is very similar, once she wears her heels, it seems to be a mismatch.

We didn't even live in the same city at that time. I was so impressed with her beauty and class, that I asked her out the following evening. It was nice that we were both staying in town for a few days to spend a little time with our respected families. My older brother was surprised when I told him about asking Karen to dinner. He had seen us at the reception and thought we would never be a match. "She is good looking, but you are too short for her."

That sort of pissed me off. I wondered what actual height had to do with it. Anyway, it was just dinner. Besides, I told my brother that I thought our proximity to each other both geographically and professionally precluded a long term relationship. I just thought she was interesting and appeared to not be in a serious relationship. During the reception, she admitted that she was not then involved with anyone and had never been married. She was twenty-eight and I was thirty.

At dinner the next evening, I learned about her work and noticed how easily she related to people. She seemed to be genuinely interested in everyone she came in contact with. She engaged our pretty waitress in conversation as well as anyone else who did anything at our table. I had a thoroughly good time. She was intently interested in my business and travel schedule.

On a whim, I asked if we could go out again. She laughed and said that it would be hard since we lived over three hundred miles apart and both had different types of businesses. I was intrigued and questioned her about her future schedule.

"Well," she said, "Next week I will be in Austin and the week after, Atlanta."

"Outstanding," I replied, "That week I am meeting several of my agents and reps in Atlanta. It is easy to get to and I have accommodations and a conference room already booked. So if you can find time, I would like to see you in Atlanta."

I showed her my calendar to convince her that I was not stalking her and to show her that I was indeed accustomed to meeting around the southeastern United States as well as Asia and Eastern Europe.

For some reason, she accepted. We had already traded phone numbers at the reception when I had asked her to dinner. It seemed like a very long shot, but I was hooked on her. And it was not just looks, either. She was sharp, witty and polished.

Now about me. I grew up in Florida and attended a small university in the state. After graduating with a degree in marketing, I was hired by my old company. As I have stated, I outgrew them quickly and went my own way. My success easily elevated me past my old company in sales, markets and just about every measuring stick I knew of. I am sure they were kicking themselves after learning about my success and now being their largest competitor. To me they were no longer competition, having grown well past their limited markets.

I dated a few girls in college, but my schedule was busy. I had one girlfriend who was very much more sophisticated sexually than I was. She was outgoing and very casual about sex. We were not exclusive at all, meaning that if she wanted to ditch me for a while, she had no conscience whatsoever about coming back like nothing had happened or was happening. She even told me about who else she was dating. She lived with two other roommates in a small house off campus. I stayed in the dorm and studied most of the time.

When I would go over to her house, she would answer the door in whatever she happened to be wearing. Her roommates were very attractive also, but were a bit more reserved. In a way, I thought both of them sort of felt sorry for me, knowing that she treated me casually like she did. She had a way of re-surfacing and calling me or coming to my dorm just whenever. I knew there was no mutual commitment there either, but she was fun to be around and treated me well otherwise. It was more like friends with benefits.

What really intrigued me about this girl, however, was the simple honesty about our friendship. As I said, she might answer the door in just a tee shirt and panties. Once, her roommate knocked on her door and told her I was there. She shouted back that she would be out in a few minutes.

A couple of minutes later, a tall, good looking guy came out of her room, looked at me and walked out the door without ever saying a word. She came out afterward in just and long oversized shirt.

"Sorry," she said, "I guess you could say things kind of 'came up'. I lost track of time. I wanted you to help me with a paper I am writing. Can you spend an hour or so with me?"

Even though we had already had sex several times, she was candid about just having sex with another guy, then getting me to help with her paper. I was not jealous, but still it was strange. I found out shortly that she did not even put her panties on after having just had sex. It was strangely erotic. I tried to convince myself to stop seeing her because she held all the power and I was not comfortable with my role as a sometimes boyfriend. She was so positive, however and she was hot in every way.

I guess this led to the start of my particular interest in panties. She would walk about in short shirts and panties. She was particularly comfortable in just panties and a bra. And she wore the sexiest panties and bras I had ever seen. I got a hard on every time I saw her in her revealing lingerie. Frequently, we would have sex and other times, she just acted like this was normal. I sensed that she was like this with her other boyfriends also.

When we started to have sex, she would usually just strip and hop into bed. Over time, I asked her to start our foreplay before she just threw her clothing off. I was especially fond of feeling her up through her panties and bras. Or just her panties especially. After sex, she might put just her panties back on while we talked about school, music, movies or anything else.

She graduated a year ahead of me and I was sorry to see her go. I was still focused on school and there was no chance for a long term relationship, but I definitely was going to miss her. She taught me so much about sex and mutual satisfaction. During the times we were not intimate, I masturbated a lot. I had a fling or two, but nothing serious either.

One evening, just before graduation, after a particularly satisfying romp between the sheets, she got up and picked up her panties. On a whim, she tossed them to me and said, "Here. Something to remember me by." The panties were a sheer pink pair with black lace trim. They were so thin, you could see her pussy, which was shaved except for a tiny landing strip just above. She looked so sexy in these panties. I put them in my pocket and cherished them for the rest of my undergraduate time. The next semester, I would often take out her panties hidden in my underwear drawer. One weekend when my roommate was gone, I was particularly horny and pulled her panties out. I masturbated with them and shot my cum. Shortly afterward, I, on another whim decided to try them on. They were a little tight around my cock, but felt great. It felt so good that I was hooked from then on. I began wearing them to bed and finally started wearing them under my jeans during the day. Naturally, I stretched out the elastic. They became loose, but I kept them anyway.

The panties felt so good on my ass and cock. They snugged up under my balls and held everything firmly. I had to be careful that my roommate did not catch a glimpse of me in panties. I would have never known how to handle the embarrassment. As my ex-girlfriend's panties became too worn for me to continue to wear, I decided to buy another pair similar. I kept hers and sort of elevated them to the Hall of Fame status.

Buying my own panties was a little problematic. I could not order on line, because I did not have my own credit card and I did not want to risk my parents searching the on-line stores for charges. Luckily, the major stores like Target offer self-checkout. I went across town, so I might not be seen by friends or fellow students. I was nervous as I perused the selection. There was so much to choose from. The quality was not as good as my ex's panties, but that was of little consequence. I chose a blue bikini style and placed them in my shopping cart. When I checked out, I casually slid the panties across the scanner and quickly placed them in my plastic bag. I was afraid to make eye contact with any of the checkout attendants. The purchase went okay and on my way out, I looked around to see if anyone had noticed. When I got back to my dorm room, I finally breathed a sigh of relief.

From then on I was more comfortable buying my own panties. I was careful to keep this away from women who I slept with. Even though I lived alone, I still kept the panties in a locked cabinet in my closet. When I met Karen, I could tell that the relationship had possibilities. We were comfortable with each other. It took another year of part time dating for us to begin talking about living together. It finally came down to the fact that we both travelled some and we could pretty much live where we wanted. About half of her work was in the field. I was reaching a point where my reps took care of manufacturing problems and I oversaw everything.

It worked out well. We settled on the location close to the airports and took the plunge. We moved some of our furniture in our new house, but bought mostly new common furniture. Karen seemed to enjoy having a home base where we were with each other about half the time. Our sex life was good, but very traditional. We more or less waited on the other to take things to a new level. In hindsight, it was a mistake to be so casual about sex. We both enjoyed it, but I think she and I both had experienced wilder sexual scenarios.

With sex fitted between travel and our schedules being somewhat exhausting, we settled into a rut very quickly. My home office was big enough to need a dedicated room. We took this into consideration when we were looking to buy the house. To achieve this we ended up buying a really large house. We both were making good money and we could easily afford it. I had room in my office to maintain several locked file cabinets and lockers. Karen never seemed to wonder or mind which ones were locked. She had her own work space across the house from our home workout room.

When either Karen or I were travelling, we spent half the time separated. This seemed to make sex more exciting when we came back from our various trips. We even started some mild foreplay over the phone before we were to both be at home together. This was about the only spice we engaged in.

When I travelled, I likely took plenty of panties with me. Likewise when she was on the road, I wore panties all the time. I came close to slipping up a couple of times when returning home; I still had my panties on when I boarded the plane homeward. Luckily I was able to excuse myself to the shower before we made love. I could remove and hide the panties temporarily until I got a chance to lock them up. This went on for about a year and a half until the inevitable happened.

I had unpacked my suitcase when I got home. Karen never showed any suspicion of me when I got home and certainly never searched my belongings. In fact the only hidden fact from her was my panty fetish. I had inadvertently left some toiletry items packed. This was not unusual. There was no sense in packing and unpacking everything. However this time I left some aftershave in my travel bag. Before I finished putting everything away, she was about to zip my bag for me thinking I was finished with it. I told her to wait and I would get the aftershave first. Mindlessly, she reached into a pouch pocket and touched the panties first. Reflexively, she removed the sheer flutter panties and held them up.

"Wow, Karl, care to explain these?"

"Honey," I stammered, "It is not what you think."

"Uh, you read minds now? What do I think?"

"I mean, it is not how it looks."

"You are not making sense. Do these belong to, let's say, a friend?"

"No, absolutely not. No, no, uh I would never cheat on you."

"Well, if you want someone else, all you have to do is say so."

"No, no, please. I love you. I would never hurt you."

The rest of the evening was a blur. I had no other choice but to tell the absolute truth. She was skeptical at first. When I told her about my panty fetish and explained how it had come to be, she rationalized that it was more out of the norm than actually cheating on her. She was more hurt that I had hidden part of my life from her than she was about the actual fetish.

"So, let me see if I can get my head around this, Karl. You love me and enjoy our sex life as you stated?"

"Absolutely."

"Then if this little fetish as you call it, is sexual in nature, then it appears that you are contradicting yourself."

"Honey, it is different." I argued.

"How so? Do you masturbate when you wear panties?"

"Sometimes."

"And that is not sex?"

"Not the same, no."

"Do you want to be a woman, is that it?'

"No, it is not like that. It is just a turn on for me."

"But it is private? And you admit that you masturbate?"

"Yes, but it is not like I want it instead of you. Can't you understand that, at least?"

"Oh, so you would rather have sex than masturbate in your panties?"

"Sure, yes, of course. You are a sexy, beautiful woman and I love you."

"But not enough to share this secret with me?"

I tried to explain to her over and over that it was not intended to be a slight against her or our relationship. I begged her to forgive me and I would stop doing this. I was certain that she was going to move out or kick me out. It was almost certain to happen now. I worried more about her opinion of me than any financial loss I might incur. I was successful in my business. How could I be such a failure in having a relationship? In the wee hours, I finally gave up. I went to a spare bedroom and tried to sleep. She was in the master bedroom and made no attempt to dissuade me.

I tossed and turned all night and finally just got up. I was not going on a trip, but she was scheduled to go out of town the day after. We spent most of our time working in our respective work spaces. I avoided her all day and just waited for her to explode or announce her decision. The next morning, she got up and was about to go to the airport. She came into my office and kissed me on the cheek. Neither of us said anything. I was waiting for the announcement but she just left without a saying anything.

This was worse than I had imagined. I was left on the hook. I needed to talk to her and make her understand that I could change. I was having trouble concentrating on my work. Usually when I was home alone, I would pick out particularly sexy and revealing panties to wear while Karen was gone. That morning, I unlocked my stash and threw everything in the garbage. I set the garbage out and when the trash man picked up later, my whole cache had vanished. I just hoped that I could salvage our relationship.

I tried calling her while she was out of town, but no answer. She never returned my calls either. I had no idea if or when she would come back. I went about my business as best I could. I was completely cured of my little panty fetish forever. I knew the shock of being discovered was just the event I needed to kill that desire forever. I felt empty inside. I loved her so much and yet I had screwed it up. I just wanted to feel her body next to me. I bargained with myself. If somehow she saw fit to forgive me, I would go to counseling or whatever it took to get this out of me. I felt so dirty inside, now that she knew my little secret.

Karen did come home after four days. I was gone when she returned. I had flown to Kansas City for a meeting that lasted only two days. When I got home, I noticed her car in the garage. I was filled with anticipation and yet dread of what was about to happen.

When I came into the house from the garage, she was in the kitchen. She greeted me somewhat casually with a peck on the cheek. No hug and definitely no warm embrace. I sat down at the breakfast table and tried to compose myself.

"Karen, we need to talk about what happened before you left."

"Karl, I see no need to talk about it. I thought you might be lying about the panties being yours. I had some time to think about it and I don't think you would be stupid enough to keep another bitch's panties for a souvenir. I still don't know if that is the case. As far as I am concerned, a lie of omission is still a lie. Keeping something like this from me makes me wonder about your commitment to our relationship. I agreed to get married as a commitment. If you thought it was being roommates, then we need to re-examine our feelings."

I interrupted, "Do you mean you are going to leave me?"

"Are you not listening?" she said. I am talking about truth and trust. Anyway, like I said I don't want to talk about it."

She was in the middle of preparing Italian food. We had a quiet dinner, some wine and very little conversation. I wanted to get it all out and apologize. She was not interested in ruining her dinner with all my baggage. I knew to keep quiet. It was killing me, but what choice did I have. I was the culprit, not her.

We went about our business. I stayed in my home office and followed up on my conference notes. When I could think of no other work to do, I made my way to our bedroom. I was going to get some clothes to sleep in. As I started making my preparations to sleep in the guest room, she spoke.