My Sister Stacey Pt. 04

"God, I fucking love you," I whispered in her ear.

"Oh, I love you, too. So much," she replied. We laid there holding one another, kissing and caressing. I thought of all the times we'd been in her room just brother and sister, not knowing what Stacey was been feeling. I felt like I'd made a little of that up to her, finally. I glanced at the clock and realized it was almost 12:30.

"We should probably get up, you know."

"Yeah, but I want to stay here on top of you, kissing you," Stacey replied. Our tongues and lips met in a series of delicious kisses.

"I know what you mean," I said.

"We should though. I need to wash up. I probably smell like we've been fucking all morning," she laughed.

"We have," I smiled. She rolled off me and got out of bed. She reached for my hand and I too, got up.

"I wish we had time to shower together. I always feel cleaner when you wash me," she said.

"So, do I," I replied. We kissed again and I grabbed my wet suit and walked to my bedroom.

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After my shower, I dressed again and went downstairs to see if I could find a snack. I found some cold cuts and made myself a sandwich. Mom walked in as I was finishing it. She was carrying a case of her favorite wine.

"You should have let me carry that in for you, Mom," I said. She looked at me blankly before she sat the box on the counter. She turned away from me and I heard her tear open the cardboard box. She pulled out a bottle and reached in a drawer for the corkscrew. She tried in vain to use it, as her hands were shaking. I moved over to take the corkscrew from her and I opened the bottle. She sat a glass on the counter and I poured her a little portion.

"I need a little more than that," she said, finally speaking. Her voice was unsteady. Had something happened at lunch, I wondered?

I poured a little more and she reached for the glass. I watched her take a large sip. She'd finally removed her sunglasses, but avoided eye contact with me.

"It's a little early in the day, Mom. If you don't me saying so," I said.

"Shawn, after the events of the last three weeks, I may stay drunk for a month," she said. She grabbed the bottle and walked to her sitting area. I followed her, not seeing the obvious in front of me. She sat on the couch and took another long sip of wine. I sat in a chair across from her. She stared at the table in between us.

"Mom, I'm sorry about everything with Dad. What happened while you were out," I asked.

She looked up briefly. The look on her face worried me. She turned to look out the window at the pool.

"How long has it been going on," Mom asked.

"What are you talking about," I asked even though I knew exactly what she meant. I thought my heart quit beating.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about, Shawn," she said.

"You saw us," I asked in a panic. "But how..."

"Tish called on my car phone to cancel. I came home and saw what was happening," she said quietly. "I always feared your father would try something with Stacey. He was obsessed with her. Never you though."

"Mom, it's not what you think," I tried to explain.

"It's not what I think? You and your sister were having sex, Shawn," she said.

"Mom, I know, but it's not what you think. I didn't force myself on her or anything," I said.

"And that's supposed to make it all right? How long has this been going on," she asked again.

"Three weeks," I said quietly.

"This is fucking awful," she said. That was the moment Stacey walked in the room. She saw the expression on my face and I saw her get very nervous. I nodded and she sat in the chair next to mine. Mom looked at Stacey with the same disgusted look on her face.

"Shawn and I were just talking about what I saw you two doing in the pool earlier," Mom said. She reached for the wine and refilled her glass.

I turned to see Stacey's eyes well with tears.

"Mom, it's not Shawn's fault," she said crying. "I've always had these feelings for him and I made him face his own."

"You're in love with your brother," Mom said simply.

"Yes, and he loves me," Stacey said. She stared at the floor.

"I can't believe any of this. Where did I go wrong with you two," Mom asked. She'd started crying herself.

"Mom, you can't always choose who you love," Stacey whimpered. She walked over and sat next to Mom. Stacey obviously expected to hug her, but Mom kept her distance. I just watched in silence.

"Stacey, I don't even know how to respond to that. This is immoral and illegal," Mom said.

"I know Mom, but I love Shawn. I'm not going to give up what I feel. We were wanting to tell you, but you know now. I want you to be okay with it, but if you're not, I will learn to deal with it," Stacey said. She stood and left the room.

I watched Stacey walk out before I returned my eyes to Mom. She was staring at me, as she took another gulp of wine.

"Mom, I think we should go back to school. I'm sorry that all of this happened. I never intended for it to, but like Stacey said, she made me face the feelings I had for her," I said. I stood up and moved to leave the room. Mom got up and stood in my way. I looked down at her and she slapped me hard with her right hand.

"You will not walk out on me," she said. Realizing what she'd done, she burst into tears, again. Despite the sting on my face, I reached for her and pulled her to me. She reluctantly let me hold her as she sobbed. I moved her back to the couch and held her as she cried loudly. She held me close and my hand stroked her back trying to calm her down. She finally stopped crying and I reached to get her a tissue from the table in front of us. She dabbed at her eyes and continued to look at me.

"I'm sorry I hit you," she said.

"No, don't be Mom. I had it coming. I shouldn't have tried to walk out on you like that," I replied.

"Honey, this is just too much all at once. Everything with your father and now this," she said.

"I know Mom. I can't tell you how sorry I am. I never imagined any of this happening, but it has," I replied.

"Shawn, neither of you have given this any thought. What if you get Stacey pregnant," she asked.

I nodded as she talked. Mom was right about that at least. Neither Stacey or I had ever mentioned that. I knew she was on the pill and I just went with it. I'd been more careful with Mel than I had my own sister.

"You two can't lead a normal life," she continued. "You're brother and sister."

"Mom, I understand. Things between us have been great though, better than it ever was with Mel. It feels right. I know that's hard to believe," I said.

"It's impossible to believe, honey. You two need to really be honest with one another. I know that your emotions are telling you things, but you're both smart kids. You can't let your hormones make you do things that are so wrong," Mom said.

"I know Mom. It's just different to be living it, though," I replied.

"Shawn, you need to do what's right. Stacey has always looked up to you. If you tell her that you two shouldn't be doing this, she'll listen to you," Mom said.

"I don't know if I can, Mom."

"Shawn, how will this go for you two? The rest of the family will never be able to accept this. I don't think I can, and you two are my world. You're both young and have your whole lives ahead of you. Don't make things hard on yourselves," Mom said.

"I understand, Mom. I'll think about it."

"Promise me you will," Mom said.

"I promise, Mom."

"Okay. Now leave me alone for a bit. I've got to try to process this all," she said. I stood up and walked to the stairs. As I neared the top I could hear Stacey sobbing. I walked through her bedroom door and saw her lying on her back on the bed. Her bag was packed and sitting next to her. She sensed my presence and sat up.

"I'm ready when you are, Shawn," she said. "Let's go home."

I walked over and sat next to her on the bed. I put my arm around her and pulled her close to me.

"We can't just walk out on her, baby," I said.

"Are you supposed to be in here talking me out of it," she asked. She was wiping her eyes and nose with a tissue.

"Something like that," I said.

"It's not a fucking switch I can just turn off," she wailed and started crying again. I moved to wrap my other arm around her.

"I know, baby. Me either," I said. I began to cry myself. I laid back on the bed, pulling her with me. I held her tightly as we both cried until we were finished.

"I'm so sorry, Shawn. I had all these things in my head. I wanted to finally experience them," Stacey said.

"Babe, it's okay. I wanted to make them happen for you. I've wanted them, too," I said.

"I know you did," she said before she kissed me. "I wish she hadn't seen us doing it. Maybe it would have been better if we could have told her."

"I don't think it would have mattered," I offered.

"I'm sorry I ran out of there. I was losing control of myself. What else did she say?"

I summarized what Mom said. Stacey nodded at the pregnancy part.

"I know. We've been pretty reckless," she said. "I never even thought about that, though."

"Neither have I. I worried more about getting Mel pregnant, than I have with you," I said.

"What are we going to do though?"

"I don't know, baby. We need to face the facts though," I said. "We will probably end up on our own, by ourselves."

"Do you really think so," she asked.

"I saw Mom's face. She's not going to accept this, baby."

"I'm not going to give you up, Shawn," she replied. "You're the one I love, the one I've always loved."

"I know. I feel the same way."

"Shawn, Stacey, come down here, please," Mom called.

Stacey looked at me fearfully.

"Come on baby. We're going to have to talk to her about it. Tell her where we're at," I said.

"I think it would be better if we left," she said.

"That would be the easy thing, but we can't."

"Okay," she replied.

I took her hand and we walked downstairs. Mom was still sitting on the couch, holding an empty wine glass. Stacey and I sat across from her again. I held her hand tightly. Mom just looked at us and sighed. There was a long, uncomfortable pause as we waited for her to speak. Finally, she did.

"It's going to take me a long time to get over this. It's something I never could have imagined," Mom said. Stacey and I just nodded. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Stacey wiping away tears.

"I can't tell you that this is right. I can't tell you that I approve," Mom continued. "This is all just so wrong."

"Mom-," I started.

"Shawn, please don't interrupt me. You two should not feel that way for one another or be doing what I saw earlier," she said. "You two have not thought this out at all. You need to consider the impact this could have on your lives."

Stacey and I just nodded.

"I want you two to stop this and put those feelings aside, but I know that will only drive you two away from me. I can't deal with that. You're all I have," Mom said. She paused and I thought I could speak.

"Mom, we don't want that either. We were talking upstairs. I know we could leave and go on with our lives, but I don't want to walk out on you," I said.

"Neither do I, Mom," Stacey agreed.

Mom looked back and forth at us.

"I fought with my brothers constantly growing up. You two never argued about anything. You were always civil with one another. Shawn always looked out for you, Stacey. I was always thankful you two had a such a great relationship. I never thought this would be the result, though," Mom said.

Stacey and I just looked at her. I found it hard to meet her gaze, but I did.

"You two need to deal with this between yourselves. You're adults and are going to do what you want, but I can't accept you two doing that in my house. I don't want you to do anything in front of the rest of the family that will embarrass me. If you feel like you need to go back to school, then go. I'd like for you to be here with me the rest of the weekend, though. Tonight will be the first family event I'm going to by myself," Mom said.

"Mom, we'll be here for you," Stacey replied, surprising me considering her earlier determination to leave.

I watched Mom closely. On an ordinary day, she would have smiled, but not that day. Stacey joined her on the couch and after some hesitation on Mom's part, they finally hugged. They both looked at me and I joined them, sitting on the other side of Mom from Stacey. We all hugged and I felt really guilty for having put Mom through all this after all she'd been through. I had to tell her what I was thinking.

"Mom, I'm really sorry with everything else you've been going through. We never intended for you to find out the way you did," I said.

"I need you both to promise me you'll think about the possible consequences of your actions," Mom repeated.

"We will," I replied. Stacey reassured her as well.

"Okay. We need to go to your uncle's house," Mom said. "I should get ready." She stood and walked towards her bedroom. Stacey and I just looked at one another. Finally, she reached for my hand and we walked upstairs. We went to her room and sat on the bed.

"What do you think, Shawn," she asked.

"I don't know. I have these feelings for you that just aren't going to go away, but I can't go against Mom like that," I said. "She's all we have besides each other."

"We can't just give up," Stacey replied.

"I know babe," I said. I noticed she started crying again. "Hey, baby. Don't do that. I know we've got a mess on our hands but let's just step back and calm down."

"That's easy for you to say. If things get rough, you can always go back to Mel," she said through tears. She stood and walked to her dresser mirror.

"Stace, no. She's the furthest thing from my mind right now. My only concerns are you and Mom," I said truthfully.

"We can't give up," she repeated with her back turned to me.

"Baby, no one is giving up," I said. "I'm not."

"It would be the easiest thing to do, though, Shawn," she sobbed.

"No, it wouldn't, and you know that," I replied. "We'd make Mom happy and ourselves miserable."

"Yes," she said as she turned to face me. She walked over to me and I took her in my arms, holding her tightly against me. I kissed her on the top of the head.

"Let's just calm down and give it time," I said. "It's going to be okay."

"I hope so," she sighed.

"Me too," I said. "You need to get ready. You can't look like you've been crying all afternoon."

"I want to cry all night," she said. "But I'll get ready."

"Good," I replied.

"I love you, Shawn. I always will," she said as we parted.

"I love you too, baby," I agreed. I gave her a gentle kiss and hugged her once more, before I walked away. I went to my room and began changing clothes. What the hell were we going to do? Everything had been so good, and then we got caught. I knew we'd been reckless. I knew it was risky but I went along with it. Part of me was relieved that we'd faced Mom about our feelings. I just wish she hadn't seen what she'd seen. I couldn't imagine the shock that had been to her.

But honestly what were we going to do, I wondered? Was I prepared for it to just be Stacey and I for the rest of our lives? Was I prepared to commit Stacey to that? Losing our family and friends? Was she ready for that? What she and I shared was magical, there was no doubt about that. I loved her more deeply than I ever did Mel. Our lovemaking was like nothing I'd ever experienced. But was that going to worth it? Would that be enough?

I walked to my bathroom to brush my hair. I looked at myself in the mirror and the doubts hit me like a freight train. We were making a mistake, I thought. We couldn't keep this going. I needed to do what Mom said. I needed to be the big brother and tell Stacey that we needed to move on from our feelings. How was I going to do that though? How was I going to live the rest of my life knowing that I desired her? What was I going to think if she was able to move on and met someone new? How would she feel if I went back with Mel or someone new?

There were the opposite feelings. The last three weeks had been wonderful. The girl that'd been in my life all along was sleeping next to me every night. I loved her more than anything. She just happened to be my sister. I couldn't just give her up like that. I had to find a way for all of this to be okay. I looked in the mirror one final time. My self-doubt increased. Fuck. I shook my head and walked out of there. I couldn't look at myself any longer.

I walked past Stacey's room and her bathroom door was shut, so I walked downstairs. Mom walked in the kitchen about the same time I did. Our eyes met and she looked away. That was hard to take. We'd hurt her in the most terrible way. In a way that made my Dad's affair seem trivial. She sat at the table and I joined her.

We sat in silence. Finally, I couldn't stand it any longer.

"Mom, I'm really sorry that this has happened, but it has. I can promise you that I'll think about what you said. I can't promise you that I'll make the decision you want. Stacey means more to me than you can imagine. I know that's hard to hear, but once she made me face my feelings, it was there all along," I said.

Mom just looked at me and nodded. I wished she'd said something but she just stared at me. Finally, Stacey walked in the kitchen.

"I'm ready," she said. I looked at her and she tried to smile, but she'd seen Mom and I staring at one another.

Mom finally spoke, "Let's go then."

We got in Mom's Lexus and I drove to my Uncle Joe's house. He had a large house on a big acreage outside of the city. We were greeted by various members of the family after I parked the car. Mom walked immediately in the house after she said her greetings. I saw my cousin Ally and her brother, JJ, for Joseph Junior. Ally was my age, JJ was Stacey's age. They walked over to greet us.

"Hi, it's good to see you guys," Ally said.

"You too," I smiled.

"Everything okay with you guys," JJ asked. It was the obvious question, but one that had multiple answers. I went with the easiest one.

"Yeah, Mom seems to be doing okay," I said.

"Good," Ally replied. "You guys want a beer, glass of wine, anything?"

"I'll have a beer, Stace, you want anything," I asked.

"Yeah, I'll have a beer," she said.

Ally and JJ led us to the back yard where the drinks were. I grabbed us both a can of beer and opened them before I handed one to her. She smiled at me but it faded when she saw Mom sitting at a table by herself. We excused ourselves and walked over to Mom. She had an empty wine glass and was pouring some more.

"Mom, are you okay," I asked.

"No, Shawn. I'm not okay," she said. "I shouldn't have come here tonight."

I sat in the chair next to her with Stacey opposite me. I took Mom's hand in mine. She tried to pull away, but I held it firmly.

"Mom, I know that there is a lot going on right now. I'm very sorry for what Stacey and I have caused. I don't want to see you like this," I said. "I want you to try and have a good time, but please slow down on the drinking tonight."

She just stared at me. Eventually she looked at Stacey and back at me.

"We should leave," Mom said.

"No, Mom. We're here," Stacey said. "How will it look if we just leave?"

Mom looked at her blankly before finally nodding.

"Come on, Mom. Let's go say hi to Uncle Robert and Joe," Stacey suggested. Mom looked at her reluctantly but she finally stood up. I was happy to see she left the wine glass on the table as they walked away. I watched them until Ally joined me at the table.

"Everything okay," Ally asked.

"Yeah, I think so. Mom is just having a rough time. This is the first family thing she's been too," I said.

"Oh, I see. I thought she was really doing well. I guess that's not always the case," Ally offered. I inwardly winced when Ally said that. Mom had been doing fine until Stacey and I fucked things up.