All Comments on 'My Sister's Girlfriend'

Your story keeps getting Jan and Jill confused. You should have proofread it firat

This feels like it needs to go further.

Great concept, but don’t feel you have to rush it. Time spent on character development isn’t wasted, so let us get to know them beyond the single paragraph descriptions. The wedding and its quickie could have been a chapter all on its own, though I’m a little conflicted that it felt like a betrayal doing it in secret...is there a take to tell there?

It definitely has potential for more.

As others have said getting names right and some type of character development would be good. A proof reader or editor would really help. I see that you are a new writer here and would like to see you continue this story and others. If anything contact me and I will try and help with what I can.

Please use an editor, it will make so much difference and improve your writing immensely.

You use the word "Your" instead of "You're" a number of times. A basic error that an editor would help you to eradicate. If it is either habit of a mistake you could use the full "You are" to get this correct.

An enjoyable concept that I'd love to see continued if the errors are omitted!

:-)

would love to see a chapter 2 where he nails the sister and gets her preggars as well

Proofread, Edit And Continue Story Of A Wonderful Relationship! :-)

This is a well written story with a wide range of emotions, erotic action, true feelings and much more. Yes, I hope that Jan being dominant asks her brother is bang her hard and cum in her plus they have several HOT making out sessions before they both do Jill. Maybe, Jan will allow her brother to bang Jill periodically and likes blowing him and swallowing everything. A lot of potential here. Thank you. So HOT.

Yes, MORE please ......

Please write the next part very soon

Good story. Next chapter please!

Jill catching Jan and John will be hot!!

Or other way but plz continue and keep it to only 3 character

Jill was a virgin after being a lesbian for so long? "I felt her tear."

And, she had to have sex all ways, because it was a condition of the brother?

Sorry, too far from possible reality here, for me, anyway.

Please invest in an editor. They would be able to catch typos "your" instead of you're for example.

Good start though. Thanks!

That was one very very hot story. I must concur about the errors tho. A bit distracting as to Jill or Janet. I would dearly love to read more. Of course Janet taking care of John when Jill can't anymore. Good stuff but please get with an editor to make the story even better.

3 stars

DragonRider55

the story would have been great if Jan had got with her brother and got knocked up too, a great threeway while the girls eat each other he fucks one

There was no incest in this story.

Continue as soon as possible hopefully there would a very hot 3sone with them

No brother and sister action ???????

Thanks for all the feedback/ comments.

For the 2 comments regarding this story being in the wrong category it was submitted in another one. Moderator has published it here.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to get John and Jan together so that is why story is as it is.

They will do in part2

The story was enjoyable to read. It would be a great first chapter for a series. Please think about continueing the story. I would like to see brother on sister action or some threesome action between the three of them.

It seems like a complete story as it stands. That said, I can certainly envision what the other commentator has said that this could be the beginning of a series. The change of commitment by the women would have to be addressed as would the pregnancy.

A part 2 and more would be welcome.

Absolutely sucking fucking wonderful, would love for her brother to fuck his sister too. Cunt lapping sex maniac uk.

More, gotta see the twins do it, too!!

This is a basic copy of a story i read last year, just been re-writren, diff nanes and a slight plot change, but nearly identical. Shame.

IF you feel you want to take it further, it will take a lot of work to cover the pregnancy and the incestuous nature of the twins relationship. Are you thinking that John would make Janet pregnant too? There, big questions would raise their heads. If you can make it work as a fantasy, where there are no side effects, go ahead.. I liked the story and it was believeable, which always makes a story better reading.

Yes - please continue.......Brother-Sister is a MUST!

Brother sister is definitely a must

That was a fantastic story.. thank you.. Great detail...and believable plot

Very erotic and sexual story was great.

"Jill said, "Jan I'm supposed to be the female in this relationship,"

This made me roll my eyes really hard. If you talk to actual lesbians , a lot of them will tell you that they really hate when people ask them who is the "guy" and who is the "girl". It's just not the way most of them think about each other.

I did find the whole premise of the story interesting though.

?

Of course you should take it to the next level!

Break the boundaries and make it incest for real.

Thought for sure Jill was going to hold his cock while his sister Jan just climbed on top and fucked him too

You could make this the first part of many! Nothing to crazy like part 7 lol but at lest 2 more stories, either from his perspective or hers. Great job either way breaking into the incest scene, but have them hook up in every way next time with jill still part of the threesome. The fisting was unexpected but awesome, maybe add anal next time as well.

Thanks again for the story

You kept getting names wrong. Incorrect words used. Made it messy to read.

Proof read thoroughly in future.

No score as I could not finish it.

I liked it ...it is a great story , but needs a follow up with his sister Jan and Jill and him, after the baby while Jill is lactating that would by so awsome..but thumbs up for your story.......

take it to the next level.... He popped her cherry, then got her pregnant.... need to finish the story up....

hopefully you've gotten an editor or someone to review this. its a great storyline, i like the characters, but there are a number of errors that get in the way of reading - particularly name mix ups. but i'm on to read chapter 2

Yes, we certainly need to have this beautiful series continue. Great story and written very well. I hope Jan and her Little Brother, with Jill's okay - keep having sex where John bangs his sister very well and Jan being on the pill for safety; gets blows jobs too. This story has even more potential !!! Thank you.

My favorite part of this story was when Jill licked her own pussy! Need to get names straight. Since Jill fucked him twice without telling Jan, why do we believe their affair is over?

I’ve seen the more manly of a lesbian called the “chapstick” lesbian while the more feminine one is called the “lipstick’” lesbian.

Things could get complicated if Jill wants a second child with a similar genetic background. The brother would need to again be pressed into service. It’s a tough job but somebody has to do it :o) !

If Jan’s biological clock starts ticking loudly and for some reason Jill and Jan may want jan’s baby to have similar looks to jill’s child/children then the brother might be again called on.

If the brother continues his roll as “the inseminator” you would need to consider how his personal life progresses. Does he marry and maybe have children? If so how does he explain several children who look like him. How does he sell his wife on his past and future activities. Some say jewelry is a good motivator! I think not telling his wife is asking for an explosion.

You could say the brother is also gay which might deal with the jealous wife issue.

If Jill and jan have successful careers maybe the brother becomes a live-in nanny and uncle. If the brother marries a sterile woman maybe brother and wife could move in so wife could satisfy her ache to have a baby. BUT having more than one alpha female in the house might mean friction. A guy living with three adult women might lose a lot of family arguments.

Obviously, I think you should write more chapters.

When does he fuck his sister??,she sounded

really hot.Question #2 ,being together two

and a half years, how is it Jill was still a virgin??.

No toys around to play with ??.

Please keep going.

..THANKS..

The Literotica story I read just before this one, was on a subject nearly the same hotness level to me as this one (husband whose wife includes her sister in their sex), but somehow it did not grab me like the present story. As I read I kept wondering, since I liked the subject, why I was not enjoying that story all that much. The very next story was this one, which I did enjoy. Why?

I compare it to two different singers who sing the same song. Both are technically good -- sing the correct notes on pitch, good voice control, etc., but one does not do anything for me, but the other has the zing.

Nikkiejanes has the zing.

I think it comes from natural inborn talent.

Paul in Oklahoma

yes write about brother getting sister prego too but he fucks her so hard that 9 months later she has twins

Yes please, I would love to hear about a threesome and the idea of knocking his sister up with twins is fantastic, but I think they should end up living together.

Jill gets near to birth and cannot have sex. Jan calls on her brother for help for relief.

John knock up Jan, Jill has twins girls, Jan has twin boys.

Omg absolutely fucking wonderful, just a pity he did not get to suck and fuck his sister too. Cunt crazed fucker Lanc’s UK.

A good, well written story. It's a pity about the spelling; you really need to check it more carefully. You also confused Jan with Jill at one point. Slow down and take time out to check what you write.

Long time late for a comment but….

While the sex was good and the story was ok I had to roll my eyes at the fact that in seven months she went from losing her virginity to a guy with an ‘average cock’ to getting fisted without any lube without difficulty. Oh yeah and stopping in the middle of deflowering his sister’s fiancée to discuss sick size as seen in a locker room. 🙄

Premise with potential.

But really not erotic. Much too fast.

No tension at all for a lesbian getting fucked by a real cock for the first time.

No wonderment at seeing his cock. No exploring it to see how it felt to her, and what his reaction was.

And whoooo, boy, do you need an editor/proofreader. Errors abounding.

Three stars -- being generous.

Give us more. Unusual story plot with great potential

More and then more still. The baby needs a brother or sister, and Jill misses your cock. And then Jen needs her brother to comfort her when Jill goes to prison for 5 years. It’s time for brother to take care of sister’s cunt needs.

Definitely needs closure. Write another chapter or two. Good story. Great plot. Fisting was a nice twist. But someone needs to have anal...as promised.

D&A