All Comments on 'My Sister's New Power'

by Darnuses

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  • 2 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago

I just mmhhmnn kik me

SchlockTheMonkeySchlockTheMonkeyabout 9 years ago
Way too easy

I don't object to adding the science fiction element, but the way you have the power work here it's just too easy. There's no challenge for Emily if all she has to do is think of a girl while orgasming -- it would be better if she had to make at least some effort, like getting the target of her seduction alone and making some physical contact in order to introduce the nanites to her system.

Also the conversion shouldn't be instantaneous -- there should be an internal struggle, even if only a brief one, as the straight girl turns. The original story worked much better than the prequel does, though if this were rewritten to conform to the "rules" in the original it could be a very strong piece.

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