All Comments on 'My Sister's Webcam Secret'

You seriously need to.get.your writing under control you kept going back to before they got the jobs

I'll try to be nice about this, while I love the basis of the story, I must be honest and say it read like it was written by a young child.

Basics. Learn em'.

All ways? It is always. Simple word.

Wares/ware? It is wears/wear. Again, Simple word.

Come on kid. You are messing up the spelling and grammar all over the place. Proof-read first.

They have a hot mom who is getting abused at home. And she does the shopping for her and their dad. So, her running into Marry at the store or having seen Marry at the store would not be strange. Also with her being in an abusive situation, she might be willing to be rescued by her son and daughter and then become a webcam girl herself at home, so the dad does not find her so easily. From there a Brother-sister-mother threesome is something that is easy to set-up.

I'm guessing you had to repeat third grade as you couldn't quite make it to the fourth grade.

Apart from the atrocious spelling, the story jumps backwards and forwards in time in a meaningless mess of confusion.

I gave up half way through, when you started on about "roll play". It is "role play"!

One of the worst stories ever. Truly terrible.

Your story had good bones and direction. Don't let your critics stop you from writing and don't be discouraged. Having said that let me suggest that you improve your writing by developing just one scene over and over until it reads perfectly. Take the living room scene where they kiss, work on that until it's smooth. Read the dialogue out loud until it sounds like you're in the next room listening .. you'll get much better and your critics will quietly go pound sand. Do the work my friend and you will improve.

Your story ahs the makings of a good story, but the lack of proper editing, keeps that from happening. don't be discouraged though.

You have the bones of a good story here, but you truly need an editor. You also need to learn what homonyms are: words that sound the same, but are spelled differently and have different meanings. You have storytelling talent, but you need more technical writing and word skills. Good luck.

Good story. Spent time hard waiting to see the climax

was good story but could be better, when you threw in the foot fetish, that killed it for me, that should be put in another story in the fetish section, not everyone likes foot fetishes .

other than that, I loved the story line. As others have said, spend more time proof-reading and perhaps get an editor.

You could carry this series on to both of them going on cam as brother and sister - making lots of extra money, while getting the thrill of fucking in front of lots of people. And, as someone else mentioned, you could bring their mom into the mix and also have her go on cam with her daughter or son or even both!

Lots of potential here!

Now I'm wishing my sister was a cam girl ;)

I only read about a dozen paragraphs and this story reads like it was written by someone trying to learn English. Good enough to carry on a conversation but not write interesting reading.

good storyline of the love between sweet thing and big boy, better if making love on cam, especially the first time

I said it before on your last story...... over and over, readers have told you that your writing is atrocious. So, what do you do? You ignore any advice sent your way and keep writing substandard stories.

Either learn to write or just stop it.

I got just got maybe half a dozen paragraphs or so in before giving up and I don't usually comment but I felt I needed to. As most of the other comments have said, proof read or get a proof reader before submitting. I can handle mistakes and a bit of lazy writing (I know I'm far from perfect and probably have a few here) but there are so many and so many obvious ones (all ways instead of always for instance). But others have said that so I won't dwell there. What got me though and really kept me from reading further was the excessive dwelling on abuse in the beginning. I get setting up the story and appreciate detail but to me at least it seemed over the top and perhaps inappropriately so. Maybe others can chime in and see if that was an issue but perhaps you can achieve a similar effect with less detail on sensitive topics like abuse. I sense you probably have talent in writing, but I would highly recommend a content and writing check before submitting.

Absolute shite.

Great story but help with writing in English and proper grammar would help you a great deal. Good luck and ask for help if you need it.

grammar, sentence structure as well as word usage are all horrible. Always reread your work and then use an editor.

Please have someone, anybody read your work and help you edit. My grammar stinks but you make me look like Einstein. I could not get into the plot because it was so bad. And a woman's name is spelled Mary, not Marry.

I think the crappy grammar, spelling, and structure was a ruse.

I got half way through the second chapter and I still couldn't get into the plot the dialog might be the worst part of the whole story honestly did you even edit this? "Drunk as a skunk" smh

A bit long winded but a nice tale of Love.

I can see potential here, and ask you not to let the critics curtail your work.

Give that sexy Sam some chest hair -- you're good with descriptions and can get better. You have good intentions. I want to read more. Sam seems super sexy!

But I hate your story, there's nothing worse than creating a story more about abuse than it's actual title.

I wouldn't have read this if I had knew the first two pages would've been about abuse.

Your grammar is so bad, I'm assuming it's not your primary language, otherwise, please, go to school.

One of the worst things I've ever attempted to read on here. I was unable to finish this tripe.

The "author" comes across as though he may be a slightly mentally challenged 14 year old.

If only these comments appeared at the top, where the unsuspecting might be warned off.

I couldn't even finish the story

But get an editor who speaks English as their first language.

yes an editor would make it much much easier to read, and I did like the mom being rescued and starting her own web cam show. keep writing and improving.

True love between brother and sister that have had a very difficult life.

what crappy parents!

I like the storyline, though the story needs more with some kind of conclusion.

idea is good, but in some places it just goes too fast. For example you should have added a few conversations by cam, and step by step seducing her brother and such...