by DominanceAddict
A good first effort but could use some edliting help.
Parts of the descriptive passages and some of the dialog is a bit awkward.
But it's a good story line and I give it a 5 for effort expecting the next chapter will show improvement.
Would love to hear why breanne was so giggly and timid at the beginning of the story. Will max have a tutor harem by the end? ;)
Please put chapter 6 soon and since Max has at least 20 slaves who probably worship him how about having them meet like a cult and please him
Max's sudden interest in David, Max's living situation, and David's willingness to take that risk so soon are all unrealistic. This would have been better as a slow burn in which we find out why the characters behave as they do. Also, you need to proofread.