All Comments on 'My Wife Gambled and We Lost'
by RedTempest
- 50 Comments
impo_61over 8 years agoThis is a movie script...Steven Segall the right guy to play the husband...2* just because both died for their children...
Anonymousover 8 years agotimely is sometimes more important than over hatched then emotional responses
CharlieB4over 8 years agoHad some promise but didn't establish any characters beyond two dimensional cartoon cut-outs.
Anonymousover 8 years agoAnyone who thinks these guns are clip fed would use a pussy glock. A real shooter knows they are magazine fed and would use a sig-sauer or 1911. A characteristic of an assault rifle is the capacity for auto-fire so a semi-auto asault rifle is a misnomer. Should stop depending on pussy journalists for gun information.
Anonymousover 8 years agoSeriously? The author must be 12. That would explain this childish attempt at a story.
Anonymousover 8 years agoShit story but I would have just pulled a Keyser Söze and took out everybody including the whore wife and daughters.
Anonymousover 8 years agoIt felt like a scene from a Rambo movie. If it moves, kill it. Not sure this is a LW story. Do they have a Gunfight at the OK corral section? Geez was this mess ever overdone.
Anonymousover 8 years agoYou wrote that whole story so you could play out some wild west tough guy role. Go back to your war video games in your moms basement. That was like a very bad 80 movie.
What ever happened to the hotwife wife sharing sexy stories..........
.
KristieBechirover 8 years agoAnd neither one knows about past and present tense? So many mistakes in here. Try a third editor, or a proofreading app.
Anonymousover 8 years agowhow things got out of hand like a film story. it does seem like story was written with the climax in mind otherwise he woud hav gone tpo police n moved to another city.
Anonymousover 8 years agoPretty sure the only cloud krystal is flying on is in hell..... seriously, this is not a goddamn LW story it is non con shit, and a woman who lets her daughters be raped repeatedly is worse than any cheating whore
LouisHarrisover 8 years agoYour story had some question for me.
Why was the daughters at the casino in the first place?
What happened to all of the surveillance equipment in the house?
Wouldn't that had shown how she had died and why?
Anonymousover 8 years agoWhy would anyone want to copy this over the top story that is in serious need of editing.
Anonymousover 8 years agoOnce again,as in too many of these stories, the bad guys are black who speak in ghetto English. Literoica's editors should remove all such references.
Anonymousover 8 years agoWhat happened your previous stories showed promise. Then this crap spills out of you. Go back to your bases and leave the over the top garbage for the normal 1* authors on this site.
Couple of points on the story math doesn't work. Between the wife and daughters price per they would have almost paid off the 40k in two months not 5k. Wife should have just let the husband drop the two enforcers, they gone to the cops with the video problem solved. Instead she attacks her own husband, wtf kind of mother would allow her own children to continue being used.
Go back to your other story style I gave you 4* then.
virtualatheistover 8 years agoEarlier anon who claims this is a repeat of an older story is on to something. I too recognise this plot (almost verbatim) from another work.
Plagiarism gets on my tits!
Zero stars
Anonymousabout 8 years agoDidn't make sense. If he was that well armed and that good with guns, he should have used them to protect the women earlier.
Anonymousover 7 years agoWhat is this, 1970? Indian casinos are notorious for not extending credit (or even doing much to prime gamblers since they do well enough giving away their money). But even if they did, this is the 21st century. They would simply sell bad debt to a collection agency. Penny ante mob days went out in the 80's.
Anonymousover 7 years agoThis is without a doubt the worst story I have ever read, not only on this site but anywhere. If I could vote 1* ten thousand times I would do it. The only problem is that I won't spend another second of my time on this story or with any other stories by this author. This is piece of crap is just fucking horrible!
Anonymousabout 7 years agoYou finally get to the end of the first page but it took you 4 pages to do it. How fucking lame!
A real man loads his gun and protects his family at ANY COST!!! fuck the legal system and your snivvelling leftist ways. At least you finished the story the way a MAN would, but like I said, it took 3 obnoxious pages
nytelyte65over 6 years agoThat was the best story I have ever read on ANY site! I never saw her death coming, or his at the end! WOW!! I marked it as a favorite story AND author! Thank you so much for writing such a great piece! I hope to hear more from you soon! God bless!
Anonymousover 6 years agoVote 1* for 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐀𝐓 𝐃𝐔𝐌𝐁 𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐘 𝐖𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐄™ (that's what her clients call her) aka BONNIE/VASTIE aka NEEDYOU200 aka 5+ANNONY!
Anonymousover 6 years agoHe should have done that in the beginning. Author made him an asswipe like himself
26thNCalmost 5 years agoThat was definitely a shootout at the end. I not sure Krystal would end up.on a cloud though.
Anonymousalmost 5 years ago1 star
Lets see they guy never once checked a bank balance in over a year?
He planned to go to the cops
He had the girls stay home from the whore job even though he knew it would trigger a goon visit
He did nothing to prepare for the goon visit
He had video of the goons raping his wife and daughters on two occasions and himself once yet refused to go to the cops even though his plan was to go to the cops
Even when his stupid whore of a wife dies he doenst go to the cops
Even when he has a FUCKING NOTE bragging about his daughters being kidnapped he doenst go to the cops
Why didnt he prep, or plan? Why would he leave them alone
Some how even when stabbing the mob boss in the skull he get shot in the back b the mob boss
Its been a long time since the stupidity evedinced in a narritve made me want to bitch slap an author
As he dies the FBI just happens to raid the place?
Gillotinealmost 5 years agoA badass with guns, yet keeps getting attacked.... 2*
Anonymousalmost 5 years agoWhat a ludicrous piece of shot. Sorry RedTempest but you should never attempt to submit again.
WhoGivesAShitalmost 5 years agoI don’t like to trash stories or writers, I generally try to stick with suggestions of how it could have been better. This time it’s just not possible since the writer turned what might have been a good story, completely inside out.
Kevin had the house wired for sound and video. He put the initial evidence in his safe deposit box; then the surveillance was never mentioned again.
The enforcers should have been recorded stating how they pimped-out his wife and daughters on orders from the boss. Then there’s his own rape and beating. Finally after Krystal’s death the boss appeared and was recorded admitting his schemes and threatening them further.
At that point he should have gotten the police involved. Hell for racketeering he could have gotten the FBI involved. With his recordings the warrants would have been granted immediately, and the case a slam-dunk.
Kevin was a bright enough guy to not only setup a/v surveillance in his home, but to safeguard the initial recordings. There’s no way he suddenly overlooked his best protection to storm the casino in a suicide mission.
It’s also highly unlikely that the daughters didn’t suffer heavy emotional damage and immediately returned to normal lives.
I truly don’t understand how a writer can suddenly drop all of his prep work - the surveillance and Kevin’s visits to the bank and lawyer - to first allow his wife’s murder, then go on a suicide mission.
Nothing after Kevin’s rape made any sense. The writer raped his own story!
Anonymousover 4 years ago#1)There is no such thing as a "Semi-automatic assault rifle". If you knew what you were talking about then you would realize that assault rifles such as the M16A2 fires 900 rounds per minute. The M4 current assault rifle fires 3 rounds bursts. The Semi-Automatic AR-15- "Armalite Rifle" not "Army Rifle"- is the same thing as every semi-automatic rifle made since 1900. One squeeze of the trigger, one cartridge is fired. No more, and no less.
#2)A magazine is exactly that: it holds rifle or pistol cartridges in a spring loaded box. A "Clip"- and they're very rare as a "clip" is exactly that- a piece of sheet metal that's opened on two sides to hold cartridges in place. Examples: the M1 Garand, and the SKS- the latter uses "stripper clips".
So do some research then rewrite this cause factually you're off a country mile and some change
Anonymousalmost 4 years agoThere was and has always only been one assault rifle. That was a German rifle the StG 44 Sturmgewehr which literally means "assault rifle 44". All others are simply rifles. The term assault rifle is used to scare idiots. By definition all rifles are "assault weapon" just as the Glock is an assault weapon, a hunting knife is an assault weapon. Sorry but it makes those of us who know what we are talking about, crazy when people don't do basic research. Also, an AR-15 is chambered in several calibers, but generally 5.56 however you can get 7.62x39, 300AAC Blackout (my favorite for clearing buildings), 6.8 SPC (likely the future caliber), 6.5 Grendel, and lots of others all the way down to 20 Practical which is a cool new round. Indoors for CQB I would use 300AAC Blackout.
calibamma707over 3 years agoAnd you fools feeling the need to Lecture us on the weapons and ammo lol please. This writer is the ultimate in screwup of a story...he always seen to start out well but along the was crash the damn story.. if the husband was Rambo why didn’t he act upon hearing and seeing his daughters being abuse...smdh
Anonymousover 3 years agoIt was good but took a nose dive with the suicide.
Alt ending.
Anonymousalmost 3 years agoI have to agree with WGAS below, in that Kevin forgot about ALL of the video equipment he set up in his home that video'd his daughters rape by the enforcers, or his wife's and even his own rape. And after her death, he had video of the boss making a threat in person on video. If had turned them over to the police and or prosecutor, the boss and his flunkies would have gone to jail. Simple. Going all Rambo on the place and killing as many as he just put him in a bad light, and got him dead.
Anonymousover 2 years agoSo bad I could not finish it. Sorry to be so blunt. I had to stop when husband opens door and gets knocked out. Really just how unrealistic. He knows those goons are going to come for him and he just opens the door? No way.
bigurnover 1 year agoExactly why would the wife begin struggling with him over the gun during the first confrontation? Makes no sense at all. The already ludicrous story went downhill from there. Sorry folks, 2 stars.
Ridiculous69about 1 month agoHigher scores for the dad who took action to save the kids but it was hampered by the MC now throwing the wife out when she out everyone in danger.
