All Comments on 'Nathan and Holly Ch. 01'

Nice start. Looking forward to the next chapter

More please!

Please use an editor. The tenses switch constantly and much of the wordiness is unnecessary.

Good character development. Very realistic dynamic between cousins, it has happened and turned out well for many.

This chapter almost gave me diabetes, it oozed genuine young love. The slow but purposeful progression made the whole experience really something special, and all the small everyday details only further enhanced it. Both the setting and characters work beliveable, thus creating another layer of interesting components. The sudden twist Nathan introduced with his swift decision making actally gave the already superb story a shot of a quicker pace, and for once an author kept it going instead of runnig away with it - congrats!

Compared to your other stories the iprovements are really obvios, some minor tweeks might be in order here and there, but overall it's you best yet.

5* with ease! I'm really loking forward to more of them!

Nate and Holly are headed in that direction. It seems they long to connect (they have hugged, touched, and kissed each other). They have to have gotten good looks at each other by the pool. Does Nate have any chest hair that makes him look even sexier? Imagine when they see each other without clothes for the first time -- his cock, pubes, abs, (and chest hair???), her lovely curves. Can't wait for the story to continue!!

This was a sweet start, but the dialogue needs help. It's awkward and wordy, not much like real people talk. I strongly second the suggestion to get an editor before chapter 2.

I think this is a good start of a love story between two cousins.

In my country, that is not incest, although if it is a somewhat problematic relationship with parents.

Perhaps a bit slow the onset of the story, but also necessary, since they had not seen in years, and it was a sudden and unexpected mutual attraction.

I'm waiting for the second part.

Good job.

I want Nathan to roll two poached eggs around on his tongue and then drink tomato juice before kissing Holly. Shes loves him but is afraid to tell him that she has ass scabies.

Yes, Holly and Nate want each other and now that she has graduated; they can see each other and make plans about where to go from here. Hopefully, the parents in both families will see the situation for what it is and let them do what they feel is right. Hoping soon some hot playful sex will occur and they will move forward in a planned way. A nice story with so much potential. Thanks !!

No people on earth speak like this!

And right in the first paragraph, past-neutral tense and present tense:"Nathan WAS toned as he worked out WHEN HE CAN"

I am enjoying this story so please continue