Nature vs Nurture

She stroked the tongue with her own, feeling it respond and begin to join in, felt the pressure between their lips increase a little again. She gave in to her own desire and pressed harder, now pushing the full length of her tongue into the inviting mouth, feeling Saoirse's mouth react, opening more as her tongue also pushed between her lips to embrace the interloper. She felt the red head's leg slide up over hers, then clamp down to grip her more tightly and thrilled at the feeling of them moulding to each other as passion displaced reason. What are you doing? What are you doing?

She moved her body on top of Saoirse's, aware that her friend had woken to being kissed but now, bereft of reason, she didn't care. Feeling the red head's mouth open more, she pressed hard, the full length of their tongues now exploring each other gently but with obvious passion. They were both breathing heavily, some of that breath passing between them as their lips sealed together and Rachael's arousal became a burning, nagging fire in her loins. Saoirse's thighs parted more and she pushed her own into the gap, locking them together, thrilling at the soft glide of their skin. The fire in her loins yearned for contact and she pressed hard against her friend's hip feeling return pressure and heat against her own...

Something broke in Rachael and as if she'd been slapped, she suddenly stopped moving, released the pressure of their hips as they ground together. She withdrew her tongue and pulled her mouth away, one shining strand stretching momentarily between their lips. Saoirse's eyes were open now and the sapphire gaze was confused, even sad.

"What is it?" she whispered. "Why did you stop?"

Rachael looked at her, no idea what to say, her mind a whirl of confusion mixed with passion. "I'm sorry," she said. It sounded more like a sob. "I'm so sorry..." She pushed herself up from their clinch, felt Saoirse's thigh's release hers, then climbed off her and stood, shaking slightly with no idea what it was she was now feeling.

"There's nothing to be sorry for, honestly." Saoirse turned on her side to face her, placed a hand against her thigh.

She jerked away from the touch and turned to look down at her friend. Tears were welling in the blue eyes and she could feel the same in her own. "I'm sorry." She barely got the words out past the lump in her throat then turned and left the living room, closing the door behind her without looking back.

Sapphire eyes followed her exit then stared tearfully at the closed door for several seconds. Saoirse, her arousal suppressed once more by the fog of alcohol, turned on her back again and shut her eyes, willing for this to not be real. It didn't help; she felt cold in the absence of the warm body pressed against her and a dull ache in place of the passion of a few moments ago. What just happened?

She had been dreaming. They were in Rachael's car driving along a winding forest road, the ambience of the dream relaxed and warm. A picnic spot came up on the left and they pulled into it, parked and in instant, Rachael was in her arms. They tumbled to the ground, cushioned on a blanket of moss, soft and fragrant, locked in a tight embrace, the dark eyes before her seductive and inviting. They kissed, softly at first, she could taste the tentative tongue carefully probing her own. She responded, her passion growing, sending her own tongue into Rachael's inviting mouth. Something tugged at her but she didn't want to leave the dream, lose this moment. The pull became urgent and she slowly opened her eyes, reality flooding in an instant later as she felt the weight of the body on hers, the dream kiss blending seamlessly to the very real kiss she found herself involved in.

It was divine and she abandoned herself to moment. Squeezing the pushing thigh with her own, the satin kiss of skin drove her further into arousal. Rachael's hips ground against her, she pushed back as each sought intimate pressure... The movement stopped, she felt her friend stiffen and pull back leaving a strand of saliva still joining them for a split second. What's wrong? I don't understand. Then she fled leaving Saoirse confused, cold and nurturing this gnawing ache that had suddenly replaced her arousal.

The nag of needing to pee provided temporary respite from the anxiety of confusion. As quietly as was possible, she tiptoed upstairs to the bathroom; since Rachael had her own en suite, there was little chance of disturbing her and making things any worse than they were already. She put the vanity light on over the sink instead of the main light; eyes still sensitive and brain still swimming with alcohol, it seemed the better choice. After toileting she had a quick wash and brushed her teeth with the spare brush head Rachael had given her earlier. Not hearing the tap at the door over the whir of the toothbrush motor, she nearly dropped it in the sink as she looked up and saw Rachael in the mirror, walking up behind her.

"Sorry," the dark eyed apparition mouthed, then sat on the stool against the wall behind her.

Sorry for what? For coming in the bathroom and startling me or waking me up by kissing me passionately and then running off? She silenced the drunken irritation. This was not a simple situation and being angry wasn't going to help anyone. She finished brushing her teeth and turned to Rachael, who stood and stepped forward to meet her. As Rachael took hold of her hands, she could see the tears in her eyes clearly and all trace of anger faded to be replaced by worry and affection. I couldn't stay angry with you anyway.

"No talking now," said the dark haired angel. "Let's go to bed and talk tomorrow, ok?"

Saoirse nodded and allowed herself to be led by the hand to Rachael's room. She was too tired and too drunk to talk or think now and the thought of a comfortable bed was calling. The room was dimly lit by the nightlight on the bedside table but she saw the pyjama top and shorts laid out on the bed, similar to the ones that Rachael now wore. There was a familiar smell, rich and soothing... Amber incense. How alike we are, my Genie. Trying not to stumble or fall as she removed her bra and pants wasn't easy and by the time she'd got the pyjamas on, Rachael was already in bed. She held open the quilt, dark eyes still looking anguished and Saoirse climbed in, trying not to think about the kiss that had woken her on the sofa.

As she wriggled to get comfortable, Rachael reached out and softly stroked her cheek, then her hair before she turned the other way, taking hold of Saoirse's hand and pulling her arm around her. Too tired for questions. She shuffled up behind her so they were spooned, kissed the back of her head and fell asleep moments later.

-

Waking brought a wave of confusion as Saoirse struggled to clearly recall the events of the night. Her arm was still around Rachael, they were still spooned together, the dark haired genie apparently asleep. The kiss and hungry passion of it felt strangely distant, like it happened weeks ago instead of just hours. Defence mechanism. So where are now? She tried to gently remove her arm from Rachael's waist but she stirred and then slowly turned to face her, blinking away the fog of sleep.

"Morning, my tempestuous Genie," Saoirse whispered with a small smile.

Rachael looked confused for a moment, then alarmed as recall kicked in. She closed her eyes, screwed them shut in fact. Saoirse tightened the arm around her waist a little.

"Hey, hey, don't worry about last night. We'll talk about it later." She wanted her to know that this didn't change anything, she was already too important.

"I'm sorry anyway," Rachael said in a small voice. "I don't know what came over me. I'm not a lesbian, I've never thought about kissing a girl before. Waking you up like that...."

"Shh shh, stop it now. Let's get up, have breakfast and coffee and then talk." Saoirse was all soothing patience but it wasn't an act. I'll wait forever if I have to.

They duly rose and dressed, Rachael lending her fresh underwear, a midnight blue short sleeved blouse and well washed skin-tight blue jeans, trainer socks and a pair of navy Vans. There was a note on the board in the kitchen from Liam announcing he'd 'Gone to Dave's. Msg later x', so they had the house to themselves. They prepared toast and coffee in silence, each lost in thought on how to proceed without making a mess of things.

Saoirse took a bite of toast and washed it down. "OK, I'll start. I don't know what you remember but it doesn't matter; I'm, not angry, upset, offended, disgusted, or disappointed. We were both drunk so if it makes you feel better, we'll chalk it up to that and carry on as we were."

Rachael looked relieved. "I remember it just fine but thank you, that is a relief. Yesterday was so perfect, I didn't want to mess it up with anything. You're important to me, very important... and I feel like I'm waking up after a long hibernation. I just..." She trailed off and stared into her coffee.

"I understand, stop worrying about my reactions. We're bonded now, you're not getting rid of me." Do I confess my own desires? This is new for me too.

"Thank you, my Angel. That is truly what you are." The dark eyes were moist again but she felt more relaxed. "You are the best thing that's happened to me since Iain died and I can't risk our friendship for anything." Even my own attraction? Is that was this is or am I infatuated because you seem so perfect? I'm not a lesbian and I don't think you are either.

Saoirse smiled looking deep into those dark brooding eyes. You can hide for now, I'm a patient girl. "You aren't and you won't. The End." She blew a kiss which Rachael caught on her lips.

With that miniature crisis put to rest for the time being, attention turned to finding a locksmith so Saoirse could get in her house. On a Sunday that was going to be expensive but she took it on the chin as the price of daydreaming. It didn't take long to find one and a time was set for an hour from now. They agreed that Saoirse would leave her bike in the garage here for now, since it seemed likely they would be riding together fairly frequently. So with breakfast finished and both feeling less worried about the immediate future, Rachael took Saoirse home and dropped her off.

"You, umm, want to come in for a coffee? I mean, when we actually get in..."

"No, thank you, dear, not this time. I've got a few things to do before work tomorrow and I guess I'll have to speak to Jane about last night too at some point." She put her hand on the red head's leg as she turned to get out of the car. "Thank you again, Angel, for everything. Call me later, ok?"

Saoirse turned back, those sapphire eyes piercing her soul once more. "You are more than welcome, though all I've given is time. It's been quite the revelation in all honesty; I feel like I've always known you." She put a foot out of the door and paused, put her hand on Rachael's cheek. "Be careful, I'll call you tonight." She got out of the car, leaned back in. "Now bugger off, I hate long good byes."

Rachael laughed lightly, relaxed again in the knowledge that this was true friendship. She waved and pulled away, passing the locksmith's van as she drive down the road.

-

It took the cheerful late-40s chap in tidy overalls less than 10 minutes to drill out her lock and fit a new one, a worrying and sobering reality when she thought about it. He charged her £75 including the lock, which seemed reasonable all things considered and she paid without complaining, simply glad to be in.

Now what to do with yourself? The kettle went on first followed by the hifi. She hit random on the imaginatively named Playlist 1 and sat down with a coffee, already getting lost in a tangle of thoughts and emotions about Rachael. Sarah Jarosz chimed in with 'Everything to hide' drawing sardonic laughter from the red head.

So, first question: What is this you're feeling? She took a sip of coffee, recalling how much fun they'd had on the bike ride, how easily they talked, the memories slipping to images of Rachael's thighs as she pedalled, the shape of her lips, then straight onto that damned kiss she woke up in the middle of. Ok, second question: What do we do about it? The wind whistled through her head and she pictured tumbleweed rolling across a dusty street. Helpful.

The one thing she was absolutely certain of, was that she and Rachael would always be friends now they'd built that connection. The chemistry between them was undeniable, they both clearly saw that. The question of what this could become was less important right now than making sure she tread carefully with Rachael's emotions. In many ways her dark eyed friend was the emergent butterfly, still crumpled and fragile as she warmed in the sun of a new day, her wings gradually unfurling until she was ready to take flight. It was a delicate time and their sudden, meteoric collision could end in disaster if not handled tactfully.

-

Rachael didn't drive straight home, instead diverting to a small car park on the far side of the woods near home. She sat in the car for a minute, her mind a boiling pot of confused emotions, thinking a walk in the woods would help to clear her head. She picked up her phone, checked the time and noticed she'd left it on silent mode so unlocked it. Two messages, one from Liam saying he'd be at Dave's until about five but would be back for dinner. She hearted it.

The other message was from Jane. 'What the hell was that last night? Call me pls.'

She clicked her tongue, then typed, 'Dear Jane, sorry to inform you that the position of best friend has now been filled.' She laughed at that then deleted it and sent, 'It was a display of intolerance. Saoirse and I have become very good friends and I'm not going to put up with nasty gossip mongering about her. You can pass that on. X'

Putting the phone back on silent, she stuffed it in her pocket, got out of the car and set off into the woods. She replayed the entirety of her relationship with Saoirse up to this point, from first impression, their turbulent meeting, the dream, the late-night call, then a great day yesterday ending with... Ending with... Go on, say it. 'Am I a lesbian?' She balked at the word. Not that she was homophobic, far from it but she couldn't imagine actually being attracted to women. Women? Or one woman? That was the real question, wasn't it?

They'd only just met, she was only just considering the idea of dating; was it simply the overwhelming sexuality of the Irish beauty coupled with her easy wisdom and the fact they got on so well? It was all too fast and it made her feel panic to think about it. She recalled Saoirse's words over breakfast: "I understand, stop worrying about my reactions. We're bonded now, you're not getting rid of me." That it was the truth, she had no doubt and that calmed her some. So what now? In order to have any confidence in how she felt, she needed a frame of reference, something to compare it to. Maybe having a few dates is a good idea now. She resolved a course of action, enjoying the rest of her walk in relative peace.

-

It was around 4pm when Rachael pulled back onto her drive. The walk in the woods had achieved its purpose and she felt refreshed and positive. There was no doubt that much of this new-found energy was directly attributed to Saoirse; the Irish red head exuded sexuality and wisdom in equal measure and Rachael knew she was hooked on both. The strength of her feelings towards her new found friend still scared her an amount; their troubled first meeting, the unexpected dreams, the speed of her attachment, and the drunken kiss were all contributing factors but she knew in her heart that she had found a forever friend. Soul mates? She shied away from that, thus far a title reserved solely for Iain.

Having reaffirmed her belief that she should indeed attempt a couple of dates, she made a coffee and sat down at the kitchen table with her laptop. Choosing the best rated site after reading some reviews and testimonials, she set about starting a profile. As seemed to be the case with many situations at the moment, Saoirse's words from one of yesterday's conversations echoed still in her mind:

"Online dating is simply shopping for people and your profile is the advert. Sadly, trading standards don't cover the false advertising or bait-and-switch tactics on dating sites. You have to advertise yourself honestly but not in too much detail. When looking at others, if a deal seems too good to be true, it usually is. The generic 'I'm so amenable to anything' profiles are just desperate, so best to avoid them and avoid doing it yourself. You want to be wanted, not compromise because you're lonely."

As she recalled the words, so she recalled the sapphire eyes, bright with wisdom and affection, the way her lips moved as she talked, the way the red hair caught the sun.... Snapping back to reality, she stopped twiddling the strand of hair wrapped around her finger and focused on what she would put in her 'advert'.

She was still editing and re-editing the short description when Liam arrived home an hour later.

"HI MUM!" he bellowed from the front door.

"In the kitchen," she called back using only the necessary volume.

He appeared at the door, smiled. "Watcha doin?"

"I'm putting myself on the market, darling child. The time has come." She looked up to see his reaction.

He pulled a thoughtful-but-impressed sort of face, eyebrows raised, nodded.

"You're ok with that?" she gave him the option to lodge a complaint.

"Not really, I don't think any kid is ok with the idea of their parents dating someone else. I'm not daft though and I don't expect you to be single forever because Dad died. He wouldn't want that either." His balanced view shouldn't have surprised her given how he usually was and how his father had been but it still made her proud when she witnessed it.

"Thank you, darling, I appreciate that." She smiled at him with proud Mum face.

"Don't do that, its nauseating," he said, laughing at his own cheek. "You got time for a Q and A between selling yourself?"

"Of course. Sit and fire away."

"What's going on with you and Miss Hennigan? You had the weird meeting yesterday, then you were weird all night, then the next thing she's driving Dad's car, you're acting like old friends and she's staying over? Did I miss something?" he asked calmly enough but she could understand why it would look odd from outside.

"Well, where do I start? Yes the meeting was odd yesterday... It started well enough, first impressions were good, we started talking about you and your current 'issues', then she asked me a question I considered inappropriate and things went downhill from there. To be honest, it was a timely entrance you made." She paused, giving him a chance to insert further questions.

"So the meeting didn't actually go well? When I came in the classroom and saw you, I thought you were... kissing." He looked red-faced, had clearly struggled to say that straight out.

Rachael felt her own face redden, not as a reaction to Liam's discomfort but she still felt waves of guilt when she thought about the rude awakening she's given Saoirse on the sofa the night before.

She saw his eyes widen. "You were kissing!?"

"No, no, my embarrassment isn't because of that. It was quite the opposite in fact; if you'd come in a few seconds later you may have found us rolling around on the floor pulling each other's hair." She was still ashamed of how she'd acted that day and admitting it Liam wasn't easy either.

"Oh..." He looked confused, understandably. "So then what? The next day you were acting like BFFs. You let her drive Dad's car... You've never let anyone drive it, not even Jane when she asked to borrow it once."