Nature vs Nurture

She smiled in spite of herself remembering the sequence of events. It must look pretty crazy from Liam's point of view, she had to admit. "Well, I think neither of us could sleep after such a fierce row and she ended up phoning me in the middle of the night. We arranged to meet up and talk, she said she liked mountain biking so I went and picked her up and we went out for a ride to talk and get things straight. It started well, got better and better as the day went on and by the end I felt like we'd known each other for years, so did she. The rest you know; she'd locked herself out so I just extended the good day we'd had to a good night as well."

He looked relieved, then smiled. "I'm glad. I knew you'd like each other."

"Yes, apparently you did, didn't you? Don't be a smart-ass about it though, ok? I'd hate to have to deprive you of internet access. Besides, there's still the reason for her asking for that meeting in the first place hanging in the air." She gave him a knowing look flavoured with warning.

"Thy will be done, Mother mine," he said standing and bowing.

"You know, sometimes you're so much like your father it's amazing." She tried to insert as much pride into the observation as she could muster.

His smile stretched as far as his face would allow it. "Thanks Mum," he said, clearly as proud as could be. "What's for dinner by the way?"

That's my boy! "Do a salad for three will you, please; I've got some salmon fillets in the fridge."

-

Saoirse woke on her sofa with a start. Wow, tough night? She smiled to herself and sat up, blinking away the remnants of sleep. It hadn't been much of a day compared to the previous one; she'd done some marking for Monday, 30 minutes Tai Chi, an hour in the bath, an hour idly tapping on the laptop and daydreaming, then music and falling asleep on the sofa. A Sunday to be proud of, for sure.

She picked up her phone and checked the time; twenty past five. Time to think about dinner, then. The phone started buzzing immediately... Voice call from Rachael Sarafian. Her heart fluttered, surprising her with the strength of reaction just at seeing the name.

"Hello my Genie, how are you? How's your day been?" She reclined on the sofa again.

"Hey gorgeous. I'm good, pretty good day... which I want to talk to you about actually. How d'you fancy salmon fillet, baby 'tatoes and salad for dinner?"

She found Rachael's voice incredibly soothing to listen to, a fact she'd noted even as they argued on that first day. "You'd've had me at 'taters," she said, exaggerating her accent for the occasion.

"I love it when you do that," giggled the dark eyed one. That's why I do it around you. "See you when you get here then?"

"I'm on my way as soon as we hang up..." she said, reaching for her keys. The line went dead immediately and she laughed. We understand each other well, now.

-

Saoirse's electric blue Fiat 500 pulled onto the drive behind the white Fiesta RS exactly 18 minutes after the phone call ended and she sat for a minute to take deep breaths, attempting to slow her hammering pulse. You've got it bad, girl; you need to manage this crap. With partial success achieved, she got out and approached the front door, which opened as her finger reached for the door bell and a smiling Liam greeted her.

"Dr Hennigan," he said in his best posh voice, "do come in, won't you."

"Hi Liam, thank you so much." She didn't attempt an English accent; her repertoire included Southern Irish and thick Southern Irish and that was it. "What's with the 'doctor'?"

He attempted to mimic her drunken Brogue, " 'That's Dr Hennigan to you, sonny.' That stuck with me and after Mum said you used to do psychiatry, we guessed you actually have a PhD and use 'Miss' to avoid certain conversations."

She laughed at the mimic, which wasn't half bad. "You're not wrong. That's exactly why."

She followed Liam through to the kitchen, the smell of frying salmon already making her mouth water. Rachael turned from the cooker with a sunny smile.

"Hey, gorgeous. It'll be about 10 minutes if you're ready?"

She nodded and blew a kiss as Liam was looking the other way and Rachael caught it on her lips once more.

Dinner was simple but delicious and Rachael enjoyed the dynamic as the three of them talked and laughed their way through the meal. Dare she say it felt like a family dinner? The suddenness of their friendship and the speed with which she'd become attached was both exhilarating and terrifying. 48 hours ago, they were going toe-to-toe. Too good to be true, is that what you're afraid of? There were too many questions and only time would provide the answers, she knew.

In a bizarre display of showmanship, Liam offered to do the washing up. Not wanting to look too many gift horses in the mouth, Rachael didn't ask twice and she and Saoirse took their after dinner coffee to the living room. As was her wont on most evenings, Rachael put the hifi on and hit random on Late Night Relaxing again. London Grammar opened this evening's session with 'Wild Eyed' and she saw Saoirse nod in approval.

"So," started the red haired angel, "you wanted to talk about something that happened today..?"

Rachael nodded as she took a sip of coffee and walked back over to the sofa, sitting next to her friend and, as was becoming habit, taking hold of her hand.

"Indeed. Well, I'll get right to the point I guess; I've decided to take your advice and try dating." She focused on the sapphire eyes, hoping for approval, particularly since it was her suggestion in the first place.

This could be dangerous... for both of us. Well, it was my idea, guess I better say something positive. "Ok, what brought that on?" she asked, one eyebrow raised. Very supportive, good job.

"You did. Like I said, I feel like I'm coming out of hibernation and you are the spring sun that inspired it. I need to discover some things and I think the best way for me to do that is have a date or two. This is a journey of discovery; about myself, about Iain and my life now, about Liam, and about you." She stared hard into the probing sapphire eyes. Do you see me? I think you do, so trust me.

"Makes sense. Yes I'll worry and yes, before we waste any time analysing it, I am a little jealous at the idea. This is your journey, though and I agree, probably a good move. Just be careful please and if anything goes wrong, or even if it goes right, remember I'm here for you. Always." She lifted Rachael's hand to her lips and kissed it softly, eyes closed. 'A little jealous', good one.

As if appropriately queued, London Grammar filled in the gaps.

Ooh ooh, hell yeah

I am wild eyed and waiting

Ooh oooh, he-hell no

I am wild eyed and wandering

"Thank you, my Angel." Rachael stroked her cheek, waited a moment for the blue eyes to open. "Be patient with me, I am still emerging."

The red haired beauty said nothing, merely nodded, a single tear rolling down her cheek. They sat back on the sofa, hands still clasped, to listen to the music, both comfortable in their friendship but each with one eye looking for the storm on the horizon. Alana Henderson took the stage next with a lyrical and surprisingly accurate take on things as 'The Tower' began to play.

We've all got to play dead for our own good sometimes

Close our hearts and our minds and our eyes...

Saoirse sat forward, still holding Rachael's hand but clearly somewhat distracted.

"Don't misunderstand my motives, my Genie but I'm going to head off if that's ok?" The sapphire eyes looked a little wistful and distant.

"I'd rather you stayed longer but if you need some space, that's fine. This weekend has been pretty intense." She sounded more worried than she'd intended but was still concerned that Saoirse might not be as resilient as she appeared to be sometimes. No-one is invincible, Angel, no need to pretend you are.

"I'm going to play the 'It isn't you it's me' card," she smiled but the eyes were still a little sad. "Sorry, that was inappropriately flippant. I don't need space from you, I think you need space from me and I need to know I'm doing the right thing by you. I hope that makes sense. If I've got us right, it should." The hypnotic sapphire eyes now looked hopeful but it still made Rachael sad to see the red haired angel vulnerable.

"It does, perfectly and you are absolutely spot-on as usual. I wish I could do this a different way, or even explain it so it made more sense... "

Saoirse let go of her hand and put both hands on her face, holding her gaze. "I'm sorry if showing my weakness makes you feel guilty, Genie. Hear me, though; I absolutely understand, you don't need to explain. This isn't easy for me, so I'm not going to pretend it is but there's too much that could be said or done right now to spoil what we've made here. Let's trust each other and do whatever we need to. Go do your thing, I'm not going anywhere." She pulled their heads together for a moment, then kissed her friend tenderly on the forehead. "Except home, right now I'm going home." She grinned, the humour genuine this time.

Rachael laughed, once again relieved, her faith in their friendship getting stronger all the time and as ever, impressed with the Irish woman's ability to always have the right words. "Your wisdom is an inspiration and even at your weakest you are stronger than most."

The red head smiled with warmth and pride, stroked her friend's cheeks once more, then stood and stretched. "Do you believe in happy endings, Rachael?" It wasn't often she used her actual name now and the question was serious.

The dark eyed woman considered that, frowning. "No, I don't think I do. I'd like to and I prefer a happy ending in the books I read and films I watch but in real life? No, probably not."

"We need to change that," Saoirse said quietly, the blue eyes assuming their customary sparkle as she turned towards the door.

Rachael smiled and got up to go and shout for Liam, who was still making his slow but steady way through the washing up. They both saw Saoirse to the door and waved her off as she reversed out of the drive.

"That was great, Mum, I hope she'll be coming for dinner regularly. Didn't I say she was awesome?" Liam was positively bubbling with enthusiasm as he closed the door.

"You did and fair play, you were absolutely right. It was a lovely evening and yes, I should say Miss Hennigan will be joining us for dinner fairly often."

"That's Dr Hennigan to you, missy," Liam said in his best Brogue.

Rachael laughed easily at his surprisingly accurate approximation of Saoirse's accent. Not half bad, son of mine but she's Angel to me... "Finish the washing up, wise-guy," she said with no tone of rebuke. "I'm going to resume selling myself online."

She took her laptop in the living room and sat where Saoirse had been sitting, enjoying that the seat was still warm as Ruth Moody's Pockets started to play. Still logged in after finally getting her profile uploaded just before her friend had arrived for dinner, she hadn't had a chance to look at it since. At least one of her resident butterfly started getting a little agitated as she opened the screen and her profile and first suggested matches appeared in front of her.

Facing the door as she was, the screen wouldn't be visible if Liam should walk in. Though generally fairly open with Liam about most things, there was one part of her foray into online dating she had neglected to tell either him or Saoirse; she'd set her profile to woman looking for woman. Yes, she felt some shame in hiding it but her uncertainty about herself and her apparent attraction to her new friend was confusing. She needed time to come to terms with it herself before trying to explain it to anyone else.

So here I am, shopping for women. Starting to click through the suggested matches, she felt a pang of guilt that most, if not all, of these women were probably looking for a long term relationship. Does that make me dishonest that I just want to experiment? She stopped clicking for a moment. What criteria am I using to choose, before I go any further? Closing her eyes brought the same image she'd become accustomed to over the last few days; piercing sapphire eyes and long burnished copper hair... She smiled, opened her eyes and began searching for a very specific look.

Some 20 minutes and much clicking later, a familiar colour scheme came into view and she froze, blinking twice at the profile picture to make sure she was seeing it right. An early 30s looking woman with red hair and blue eyes, a faint speckling of freckles across the bridge of her nose and cheekbones smiled out from the screen. Elfin faced, full lips, quite beautiful, at first glance Rachael thought she'd found Saoirse's profile but a closer scrutiny told her it wasn't, though the resemblance was quite startling. Her name was Lorna, she was 32 and lived in a neighbouring town about 20 miles away. Probably better that way right now.

Having chosen a face only at this point, she read the rest of Lorna's profile, the butterflies starting to calm down some as curiosity took over. So she was a nature lover, enjoyed hiking, favourite author Anne Rice, worked at a boarding kennel for dogs, favourite music folk.... The list of positives went on and she had to admit that on paper they were certainly a good match. Time to send a message? She hit the send message button and froze, mind suddenly blank. What would Saoirse say? Probably something so wise and impossibly charming, the swooning would be hard to contain. She laughed out loud and started to type.

Away with your fictions of flimsy romance;

Those tissues of falsehood which folly has wove!

Give me the mild beam of the soul-breathing glance,

Or the rapture which dwells on the first kiss of love.

- Byron

She hit send and sat back. I need some wine. A quick trip to the kitchen later yielded a glass of red from the box of Shiraz. A message had popped in.

'Well, that grabbed my attention, Rachael, haha. Good evening to you, got time to chat?'

'Sure do, thanks for answering so fast.'

She settled in for whatever came next and they started to chat back and forth with questions, answers, philosophy, music.... Liam came in after about half an hour and waved, announcing he'd finally finished the dishes and was going to his room. She blew him a kiss and turned her attention back to the quite lovely Lorna. Rachael had found her to be thoughtful and articulate with a clear social conscience and acute love of nature. These were appreciatively rare qualities and she felt encouraged to continue her 'experiment'.

They chatted casually for about two hours, the time seeming to pass quickly and they seemed to be hitting it off well. Lorna had asked for a date as they were drawing to a close and Rachael agreed immediately. That is why I'm doing this after all. They agreed to meet at 8pm the following evening at a small restaurant in Lorna's local town. Although she was pleased and a little giddy at the prospect, Rachael noted with interest that she didn't feel the same excitement as Saoirse had inspired, either during the chat or at the prospect of a date. It didn't matter at the moment, she had a date and she would see how things played out.

She bid her new date a good night and closed the laptop, sitting back with her wine and letting her mind run over the events of the last few days. It was a crazy synopsis when she thought about it. I'm already a different person than I was on Friday evening, sitting impatiently on that wooden chair. No, not a different person. She was still herself but with a whole new perspective, as if a veil had been pulled back, revealing a part of herself she hadn't previously been aware of.

Picking up her phone, she saw she'd missed a message from Saoirse.

'Got home safe. Missing you already. Let me know if you need anything. X'

She hastily replied, feeling a pang of guilt she'd left it this long while chatting to a woman who looked just like her friend.

'Sorry Angel, got carried away messing online.

I have a date already -- tomorrow at 8. Fingers crossed. X'

The response came immediately.

'That doesn't surprise me at all, you are quite the catch. Take care, talk tomorrow. X'

Smiling to herself, she felt oddly calm all things considered. She lay down on the sofa and shut her eyes, letting the music carry her where it would.

-

Saoirse put her phone down and wiped away a tear. Pull yourself together. This is for the best, your brain knows that so have some patience. Her own insecurity had decided to rear its ugly head when Rachael had told her she was going to try dating and despite what her analytical mind told her, the fragile insecure part was worried about losing what she had only just found. You should take your own advice, girl, she scolded, disappointed.

She flicked through Playlist 1, looking for a suitably self-indulgent song to close the evening with. She was suddenly exhausted and decided an early night was best; facing the brats at school was challenge enough without being tired. She settled on The Sisters of Mercy -- 'Under the Gun' and lay back, turning the volume up to get lost in the song.

You don't have to say you're sorry

To look on further down the line

Into the sun

Too close at heaven

Love is fine...

She couldn't stop her mind from picturing those dark eyes and tempting lips when she closed her eyes. Then she recalled seeing Rachael's legs for the first time as her dress fell open while they argued, the kiss of skin as their legs slid together. The memory quickly turned to the feel of a well toned body pressed against her as they lay on the sofa together. She started to feel warm, heat beginning to grow in her loins as arousal pricked her. She replayed the rest of that memory; the vivid kiss in her dream blending with reality as she woke to find Rachael kissing her passionately, her desire obvious as she pushed her leg between Saoirse's...

Indulging her need, she undid her borrowed jeans and slid her fingers inside the soft cotton of the pants. Rachael's pants. I wonder how many times she's worn them. I've been wearing her clothes since we got back from our ride yesterday.

Memory became fantasy as she allowed the kiss to continue in her mind, recalling the satin skin of their inner thighs slipping over each other in exquisite detail. She gently stroked her sex, teasing lightly, her arousal building as she fantasised. Already wet, her anticipation and frustration from the last two days began to boil over and she threw her head back, pressing harder and faster against the now hungry clitoris. She imagined the kiss continuing, the two of them naked, pushed hard together, taking Rachael's breath into her through their sealed lips...

Are you living?

Are you living for love?

Crying out as the orgasm took her, mind still fixed on the object of her desire as the fantasy Rachael and Saoirse entwined in mutual ecstasy, she arched her back, gently teasing herself to draw the moment out for as long as possible, then clamped down on her hand as she shuddered uncontrollably.

She lay for a minute without moving, letting the images of Rachael play again through her mind and smiled to herself. It's been a long time since I pictured an actual person to masturbate to. She wondered at that; she'd very quickly seemed to move from uncertainty regarding her apparent attraction to Rachael, to full blown desire. She felt no shame in it though, no longer uncertain and the ease with which she'd brought herself to orgasm as she pictured them together was telling.