All Comments on 'Needing Control Pt. 01'

Thanks for your first story. It was enjoyable, but I'm going to pick on a few things. It needs a basic editing by someone other than you. Authors get too close to see things sometimes. You have several autocorrect type wrong words. The text messages need to be set apart to distinguish them regular dialogue or action. Why so many changes in the speaking/making sounds restrictions? It was like someone flickering the light switch in your room. Distracting then annoying. It is fine to do that within a scene but not that much, please. Finally, speaking of switching around, his behavior. I had difficulty getting into him during the scene. He seemed a nice guy trying too hard to be the stern dom. The words you chose to describe his speaking-yelling, barking, spitting - seemed unnecessarily harsh. I think you wanted to show him in control yet it came across the opposite.

Again, thanks for the story. I look forward to the next chapter.

troubling to read with mistakes and the like

So difficult to read with so many errors and reads like it is written by somebody young with no experience

"my father" appears twice :)

WTF is he doing there? Should the story be in the incest category perhaps?

I think the writing needs control. Did you use a spellchecker perhaps - don't. Get someone else to read through the story carefully.