by sammbeltt
Very good. I especially liked the narrator' s tone. Funny but not disdaining in any way. The son is quite the realist. He just wants to fuck his mom and his aunt and the resistance he encounters with each is just a pro forma series of no-no's that he has to overcome in his essentially good natured sort of way, especially as he understands they want it as much as he does. He just has to apply a little pressure to get them to go along. Nicely developed plot line in just three pages.
Wily is a loser...serves him right to get pawned!
loved the story it's good to see jerks like that get their comeuppance
The way it's written, the flow of the text etc, going away on train, and other little things, make me think it's written about folks in the UK, but then the cousin's going to University in Pennsylvania.
Anyway, a decent premise. I liked it.
You spend entirely too much time explaining or describing things that it takes too much away from the story. It became to hard to read and to continue to keep reading. The flow was real choppy and difficult to read.